Monday, June 02, 2014

Confession 3

Public Confessor
I'm a serial killer.

Okay, I know that sounds bad, but that's because we get a lot of bad press. Plus, there are so many TV shows trying to make their serial killers more creatively insane than the serial killers on other TV shows (You've got Criminal Minds, Those Who Kill, Hannibal, Dexter, and I could go on and on) that you could get the impression all serial killers are geniuses.

Anyway, I'm like Dexter in that I try to only kill other serial killers, so you could say I'm one of the good guys. True, unlike Dexter, I don't have access to police records to help me determine who's truly bad, so I have to go on instinct. If someone strikes me as a possible serial killer, I don't ask questions. I take him out. If I've been right even a third of the time, I figure I've saved more innocent lives than I've taken.

By the way, this "Public Confessor" blog feature is like going to confession in a church, right? Not that I've ever gone to confession, but the rule is you can't reveal anything I say to anyone, right? It's just between you and me and God? Can I trust you? Actually, those muttonchops are rather disturbing. A serial killer would probably grow muttonchops like those.

Penance: You need a vacation somewhere far away, like North Korea. My treat.

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