Friday, December 14, 2012

Synopsis 33

Guess the Plot


1. An S and M how-to guide. Comes with a starter set, including 50 feet of clothesline.

2. A group of kidnapping victims escape, taking with them bad memories and the "family" dog. They feel bound together (and to the dog) and decide to stay together and make their own way.

3. Bound together by a sex demon, Jim and Kyle and Meg are compelled to have sex and erotic dreams unless they can somehow break free. First, of course, Meg must convince Jim and Kyle that they want to break free.

4. A young kangaroo is sad because his brothers and sisters all jump and bounce high into the air, while he can barely get off the ground, but when a crisis arises, he saves the day for everyone with his own secret talent.

5. Nerdy wizard Pireakee figured he had it made when he bound himself to busty blonde witch D'brah. Little did he know she came with a bunch of half-human kids from a string of lovers, a mother with the disposition of an angry cobra, and the inability to stop screaming Elvish curses at him. Can it really take that long for the end of time to arrive?

6. After a creepy game of Ouija at a midnight masquerade, Karl Bilger is walking home alone when a drunk driver runs him over. Now Karl's soul is bound to the car that killed him. Karl revs his engine and zooms off for the ride of his afterlife.

Original Version


Meggie Kain is clairvoyant, [Meggie? I'd go with Megan or Meg. Meggie looks like you misspelled Maggie.] a talent that has left her alienated from her family and all but two friends. She has spent her life trying to suppress her ability, but it occasionally breaks through her control; like when she met Jim Richardson the first time, stopping him on the street with a prophetic warning he would not heed. ["Stop staring at my boobs or you're gonna get kicked in the balls."]

The second time Meggie and Jim meet, her vulnerable mind absorbs his memories of both their first encounter, and of an illicit sexual incident [Is that the best description you can come up with for what happened? Illicit sexual incident?] with a woman who is much more than she seems. A woman who isn’t human at all, but the physical manifestation of a sex demon. [Just once I'd like to have an illicit sexual incident with a sex demon.] [But Mrs. V. keeps turning me down.]

Not knowing that a demon has bound them together, Jim has ignored the vivid sexual dreams and draining sense of fatigue for the past month. But his roommate, Kyle Stanton, has begun experiencing the same thing, [Is "them" Jim and Meggie or Jim and Kyle or Jim and the demon?] and it’s spreading to their new houseguest, Peter; an unwilling participant whose refusal incites a violent reaction from the demon. [What is he refusing? To have vivid sexual dreams and a draining sense of fatigue?] [Is the woman who is the physical manifestation of the sex demon a character at this point, or was her encounter with Jim a one-time thing?]

Not knowing who else he can turn to, Jim begs Meggie’s help. [As far as I can tell, Meggie is a complete stranger Jim encountered on the street. Now she's the only person he can turn to to help him deal with his vivid sexual dreams?] [Ladies, help me out here. A guy walks up to you and says, "Remember me? You stopped me on the street a few weeks ago and made some inexplicable loony comment, and ever since that day I've been having vivid sexual dreams, and you're the only person I can turn to to help me get through this." Would you run in the other direction or would you be drawn to this guy?] She is drawn to both Jim and Kyle. Together they offer her a rare sense of acceptance and the freedom to be exactly who she is. [Are these the two friends you mentioned in the first sentence? Because I think we all assumed that even before she met Jim she had two friends she hadn't alienated.] Reluctantly, she agrees to help; temptation and sympathy outweighing the fears of peering into the dark corners of her soul and facing a demon.

From the moment she enters Jim’s home, she is caught in a maelstrom of a dark desire she can’t fight, and the icy grip of a demon she must. Sensing her ability, the demon claims her, too, and the only way to free all of them is to explore the sensual and psychic connection that is growing stronger by the moment between her, Jim and Kyle. [Now we're getting somewhere. Although I'd prefer if the third person were Kate instead of Kyle.]

Several failed attempts at banishment has only managed to anger [have only angered] the demon. Turning on them, the demon strikes out, fighting for its own survival. With no other options left, Meggie looks into her own psyche, facing her fear and reaching for her talent.

With a half-formed plan to reverse the flow of energy, taking from the demon and weakening it until the bond is broken, Meggie, Jim and Kyle go into battle. But, after years of denying her own talent, Meggie fails and they are all bound. [What?! She fails; The end? That's like watching The Wizard of Oz and at the end Dorothy clicks her heels together and says, "There's no place like home," and nothing happens so she's stuck there forever or at least until the wicked witch of the south, who's much worse than her eastern and western sisters shows up and wipes out humanity and munchkinity.]

Authors Note: Bound is either an erotic horror, or a paranormal romance with a not-exactly-happy ending. [Not exactly? They go into battle, lose, and end up bound to a demon?] (Opinion on genre would be appreciated.) [If you call this a romance, aren't readers going to expect a happily ever after?]


I think we need a more concrete description of what these people are fighting. Do the men know there's a sex demon involved, or do they just think they're dealing with dreams and fatigue? Is the sex demon still manifesting as a woman, and if not, what form is it taking? Is it visible?

What is this warning Meg gives Jim the first time she sees him?

What's at stake? Either they free themselves from the demon or they are doomed to having lots of sex with each other and a voluptuous sex demon along with sexy dreams and a bit of fatigue from having so much sex? And Jim and Kyle want out of this arrangement?

Does Jim consider a psychiatrist before deciding Meggie is the one person he can turn to?

I don't see why the first paragraph shouldn't be in present tense, like the rest of the synopsis.


khazar-khum said...

To be a true paranormal romance, the demon must secretly really be in love with Meggie, Jim & Kyle, profess this in a remote castle on a windy afternoon, and arrange for them all to live happily ever after.

AlaskaRavenclaw said...

Not much response. Mine is "meh", and I've been trying to figure out why.

For a sexy novel, this description isn't very, well, sexy. Let me see if I've got this right:

Graf 1: Meggie is a clairvoyant. She warns Jim about something unspecified.

Graf 2: Meggie meets Jim again and sees he's had sex with a demon.

Graf 3: Actually Jim and two other guys have been having sex with this demon or think they have.

Graf 4: Jim wants Meggie's help. Meggie has the hots for both Jim and Kyle, so she reluctantly agrees to help. (How?)

Graf 5: Meggie stops by Jim's place and there's this maelstrom of desire stuff.

Graf 6: Somebody tries to banish the demon. The demon does not take this lying down.

Graf 7: Meggie, Kyle and Jim (what happened to Peter?) try to battle the demon, but lose.

Looks like everything in the first four paragraphs could've been said in one, preferably with more specifics.

Synopses are tough to do. Probably the toughest thing to do. Before you re-tackle this one, I'd reconsider the ending. Yeah, it's true, the protagonist winning in the end has so been done before. But there's a reason for that.

We lose in the end in real life.

BuffySquirrel said...

I vaguely remember reading a novel where the protag was plagued by a succubus. It seemed he was going to break away from her, but then at the end he didn't. It wasn't a very satisfactory ending.