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Guess the Plot

The Journal of Emily Davis

1. Emily Davis’s journal has the spirit of her great grandmother trapped inside of it. Her great grandmother becomes her mentor & teaches her important life lessons.

2. When our universe and another universe are simultaneously attacked by monsters and zombies and mages and demons, it's up to one teenaged girl to defeat them and save us all while also cleaning up the environment of several worlds, struggling with personal and mental problems, trying to get through high school, and writing it all down in her voluminous journal. Her friends help.

3. Emily Davis keeps a journal that is not completely factual, which isn't a problem until her (now former) best friend posts "selections" on the internet. She becomes a pariah at school, a subject of mockery on the web, and garners a 6 figure book deal.

4. Emily Davis's journal wakes up after a devastating earthquake. Buried beneath tons of rubble and only able to communicate by generating written words on its pages, it must find a way to the surface and seek its plain-named creator Emily Davis for answers that it may never find.

Original Version

Dear

The 90,000-word novel, The Journal of Emily Davis, is about a teenage protagonist named Emily Davis and her friends who live in a fantasy universe separate from the human world. Emily tries her best to balance her life as a warrior tasked with protecting the fantasy universe and its citizens as well as her life as a normal teenager trying to adjust to differences in the human universe. [You seem to be saying she lives in two universes. Which universe was she born in? If the human one, who tasked her with protecting the fantasy world, and why her? Did they give her super powers or weapons?] When danger suddenly threatens the citizens of the fantasy universe, Emily and her friends will answer the call to help those in danger whether it is against demons, dark mages, or zombies. [What if danger suddenly threatens the fantasy universe while Emily and her friends are in school, taking an important test? Do they ask the teacher for permission to go fight zombies? Does it  go:

Teacher: Yes, Emily?

Emily: May I skip the test to go fight demons in a fantasy universe?

Teacher: Not again. Christ. All right, go.

Emily's friends: We wanna go fight demons too.

Other students: Hey! What about us? Can we go fight demons too? Can we? Can we?]

 

When legendary dark mages, long-thought to be gone, attack Emily’s school, Starhaven, Emily is tasked with not only protecting her school from the menace, but also many other worlds throughout the fantasy universe as monsters once thought to be dormant or defeated return. [Who is tasking her with all this? How can Emily protect multiple worlds? Even Superman and the Avengers have to work 24-7 just to protect a couple American cities.] Along the way, she will also strive to help the inhabitants of the worlds who are struggling with many different problems including environmental damage and trauma from war. 

 

Opposing Emily and her friends are multiple enemy factions ranging from the cursed order of mages, and a demonic army who wants nothing more than the complete destruction of the fantasy universe. [You continue piling on obstacles to Emily's success without ever revealing what she has going for her. We have no reason to believe Emily could defeat one zombie, much less accomplish what you task her with.] If Emily and her friends are defeated, the many worlds of the fantasy universe will either be annihilated, or subject to the oppressive and destructive rule of the dark mages. [The fantasy universe is doomed. We're all doomed. And Emily will never complete 10th grade.] Emily and her friends will also struggle with personal and mental problems [Of course they will. Otherwise their task would be too easy.] due to the distrust they face in the fantasy universe, a universe that has long faced wars and other catastrophes. [In other words, it's no different from our universe.]

 

I have written as a hobby for years now, and my interest in writing has long stemmed from my enjoyment reading both fantasy and sci-fi. Inspirations of my novel include Silver in the Bone by Alexandra Bracken and The Dragon’s Promise by Elizabeth Lim

 

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Notes

Do the parents and teachers know about the fantasy universe? Are they all okay with these kids protecting it?

Why is it called The Journal of Emily Davis? She's so busy saving everyone in the universes, I find it hard to believe she also has time to keep a journal. She might have time for a brief journal entry, something like:

April 26. Today I cleaned up the environment of all the planets in our galaxy, quashed 3 zombie invasions in the fantasy universe, and made it back in time for fifth period phys ed.

One thing you might try: Instead of having Emily protect and save numerous worlds in two universes from multiple enemy factions, have her protect her BFF from a high school bully.