Guess the Plot
Willow in the Godwood
1. Willow in the Godwood: A young willow seeking answers about his missing family joins the ministry and trains for years before realizing that the church is made of his family's bodies.3. Willow and Herla make a deal. She'll cure the blight on his godwood trees if he'll cure her mother's fatal illness. Neither is aware that the other has no idea how to cure anything.
4. Godwood trees are the rarest, but most sought-after wood for anything the heart desires. Yet when a willow tree gets grafted onto a godwood, strange things start happening. Fae things.
Original Version
I am proud to present my debut fantasy novel with crossover appeal, WILLOW IN THE GODWOOD, which is complete at 80,000 words. The novel can standalone [stand alone] or become a series.
Willow is hollowed out by the grief for her missing father and the burden of caring for her ailing mother while ostracized in her small, northern commune. [This explains her nickname, Weeping Willow.] Even the holy Godwood trees, once believed to be filled with the spirit of the Elverum, are dying. While no one knows the true source [cause] , King Herla suspects it’s his fault, and he can’t forgive himself for the unwitting part he played in his late wife, queen Caiome’s, death. [Unwitting, because he thought he was killing Caiome's twin sister.]
On Samhain night, guided by Caiome’s spirit and a procession of will o’[ ]the wisps, Willow chances upon King Herla at the Godwood marsh, [If she was guided to him, she didn't chance upon him. Meets or encounters.] and they make a bargain. Willow agrees to help Herla discover the source of the blight if Herla can restore her mother’s health. Both think they have the better end of the deal. [Because she has no idea how to cure blight, and he has no idea how to cure her mother.] Cunning Willow has nothing to offer, but Herla, too, has nothing to lose. He never wished to inherit the Godwood anyway.
Soon, Herla and Willow’s relationship blooms as they fill the hollow spaces inside of one another. [You keep calling people "hollow." I'm starting to think the big twist is that the characters all turn out to be trees.] But Herla has kept secrets from Willow, and as their relationship develops, he must come clean about the swirling magic in his veins and his father’s unsettling influence. Together, they discover that the last Elverum token, the Heart of the Wood, is the source and solution to the blight. Herla reveals that his father, King Ceallach of the Lonely Mountain, seeks the heart too, and he sends his second-in-command, the dark huntsman Menis, after them. [Herla and Ceallach are both the king? You forgot to mention that Ceallach is dead, if he is. Is Menis also dead?] Unraveling the riddle of the blight teaches them both to face their fears, embrace their gifts, and make peace with their burdens. [Yeah, but it doesn't cure mom. Does Herla renege on his part of the deal, or does he cure mom with the swirling magic in his veins?]
This dark fairytale blends the gloomy romance and triumph of Rachel Gillig’s SHEPHERD KING duology with the encroaching fear and atmosphere of Hannah Whitten’s FOR THE WOLF*.*
[blah, blah, author bio with personal info, blah]
Thanks for your time and consideration.
Notes
If Herla had the power to cure Willow's mother with magic, and didn't tell her until the blight was dealt with, that should take the bloom off their relationship. Mom could have died while they were worrying about friggin' tree blight.
Is there a reason Herla and Willow each believe the other has the ability to keep their part of the bargain? Like she's a botanist and he's an MD? Or all people have different magical abilities in this world?
It seems weird for the dead king to have a second-in-command. I'd expect the dead king's second-in-command to pledge allegiance to the new king.
This is a big improvement over the version you sent earlier, which I hadn't gotten to when you sent this one.
No comments:
Post a Comment