tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post9128305101023997751..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1197Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17936322082539418532014-04-04T15:14:15.629-04:002014-04-04T15:14:15.629-04:00Thanks guys! It's obvious my query is a hot me...Thanks guys! It's obvious my query is a hot mess and I'll start over again.<br /><br />BTW the fish'n chips place is based on a real restaurant in our cottage country. It's only accessible by float plane or boat, and it's very popular.<br /><br />Onward and forward!Sandra Cormierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00231342310371529022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88458106049812255742014-04-04T15:08:05.448-04:002014-04-04T15:08:05.448-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Sandra Cormierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00231342310371529022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-92217524699503125722014-04-02T23:28:28.026-04:002014-04-02T23:28:28.026-04:00Personally, I instantly got lost in the list of ch...Personally, I instantly got lost in the list of characters. And then when it came back to the plot, it seemed so generic and vague that I couldn't ever care.SBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68921414825257816022014-04-02T12:04:16.605-04:002014-04-02T12:04:16.605-04:00Piggy-backing on other comments on cutting down th...Piggy-backing on other comments on cutting down the number of characters you name, you should give us a sense of who the characters we should actually root for. Right now Amanda is a total non-entity; even if she's the straight char set against all these crazies, we should probably like her. The other characters seem obnoxious or similarly unknowns.<br /><br />Your novel may be more plot-driven than character driven, but we should still want to spend 250 pages with these people.<br /><br />Best of luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08771522093319083163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12181814031815229252014-04-02T09:50:24.733-04:002014-04-02T09:50:24.733-04:00If it's a murder mystery, you need not tell us...If it's a murder mystery, you need not tell us who the bad guy is. You can just reveal obvious suspects and their motives. It would be nice if we knew whether the main focus was on who killed the groom or what happened to Rouge or who is killing the guests. Presumably these are all major plot lines, but based on your first paragraph, the MC is focused on the guest murders, so the query should as well. <br /><br />Your plot description could begin at the island: Invited to join her best friend at a party on a billionaire's remote island retreat, Amanda is more than a little annoyed when her friend and the billionaire leave the island in a float plane and don't return. Turns out most of the people at the party (who haven't already been murdered) are hoping the plane crashed. Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17480399086832504232014-04-02T09:22:36.941-04:002014-04-02T09:22:36.941-04:00Mallet
This query reads like a trailer to the mid...Mallet<br /><br />This query reads like a trailer to the mid-70s movie “Murder by Death”. That is not what you want in a query. The first 180 words or so are setup. You need to cut that to only 50 or 60 words to leave room for plot. You mention several characters but only two are relevant to the query.<br /><br />In your plot description, give specifics and don’t vague statements. Tell the reader who the bad guy is, the risks the MC faces, the choice the MC makes, the consequences to her of that choice, and what obstacles she faces. <br /><br />Check EE’s archives. Go to Query Shark and read the queries that work. Then revise and resubmit. If it is a spoof on mysteries, try to bring the humor out in the query.<br />Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13732414699363684522014-04-01T22:50:49.329-04:002014-04-01T22:50:49.329-04:00Well, assuming this is a real query, I'd actua...Well, assuming this is a real query, I'd actually forgotten that Amanda was in the book until she meets the groom, which, silly me, I first read as in wedding dude, not horse-brusher. <br /><br />The whole second paragraph is a nightmare. <br /><br />Why does Amanda, or anybody, assume foul play when the float plane isn't back straightaway from the chippy? If a wealthy polo star has a plane to go find a bite, well, I'd assume he was odd enough to begin some 80 Days adventure.<br /><br />I can't imagine any of these shady people being beneficiaries, except perhaps the daughter. Still her motive seems thin. And why are we discussing so many potential murderers in specific? Generalize.<br /><br />Also, the whole thing is setup. We learn more about the Ruge's then about what Amanda Super-Sleuth does to save the day.<br /><br />In the immortal words form Galaxy Quest, "that's not right!"<br /><br />Revise, Good luck. It gets better!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36290442585491656632014-04-01T11:09:36.680-04:002014-04-01T11:09:36.680-04:00/natural reluctance to jump in and then be told &q.../natural reluctance to jump in and then be told "April Fool's!"<br /><br />Seven named characters in a query is roughly three times as many named characters as you want.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.com