tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post9050427065303166517..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 844Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27124030495028901232010-11-29T18:29:13.814-05:002010-11-29T18:29:13.814-05:00If you feel like changing the title, Habit of Drow...If you feel like changing the title, Habit of Drowning would make a good one._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3708705125548422722010-11-25T02:09:19.625-05:002010-11-25T02:09:19.625-05:00I'm aware that my country pretty much pioneere...I'm aware that my country pretty much pioneered the whole 'going to Egypt and taking stuff wholesale for our museums' (and we won't talk about the 'using the entire history of the domestic cat for fertiliser' debacle), but the suggestion in the query of taking these flags to America got my hackles up. They don't belong there, and I fail to see why they'll be any safer there than, say, in Egypt, where perhaps they do belong.<br /><br />Flags have a poor chance of surviving, as EE says, although there is, I believe, one flag that's survived from the Roman Empire--is it in Lebanon? A hot, dry climate gives fabrics their best chance iirc. Anyway, if there's demons, presumably there can be flags that are preserved through some kind of magic, too.<br /><br />I'm presuming Mal is drowning herself in an attempt to get out of this Limbo she's in, although repeating the same futile approach doesn't make her come across as particularly bright or inventive.<br /><br />(my suspicion is we're captitalising Habit cos Breaking the Habit was the working title, until someone pointed out it sounded like a film with Whoopee Goldberg)<br /><br />And please, no more Damians! It's not even a Russian name. (Male) Russian students, in my experience at least, are called Anton, Boris, Ivan, Sergei, and the like.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44540424202656879472010-11-24T11:10:11.613-05:002010-11-24T11:10:11.613-05:00I'm pretty sure Damian is a Greek name, not Ru...I'm pretty sure Damian is a Greek name, not Russian. Dmitri would be the best Russian alternative, I suppose, but that's already a pretty common name in the romance/YA/paranormal field.<br /><br />I've no idea why Mal keeps killing herself, nor do I know if it's relevant, unless she's being eternally reincarnated to search for the prayer flags?zombie deathfishnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51113106212751862572010-11-23T20:40:02.102-05:002010-11-23T20:40:02.102-05:00That sounds like an awfully creepy story!That sounds like an awfully creepy story!Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75268800282674349952010-11-23T19:30:12.849-05:002010-11-23T19:30:12.849-05:00I too picked this out in the GTPs knowing it was t...I too picked this out in the GTPs knowing it was the real one. It's really a hodge podge of stuff and I'll not reiterate all the issues already raised. The story could be a good one or could be a bunch of disparate elements forced together in a failed attempt to "sound interesting".<br /><br />Simplify the query if not the story. I really like how Slush's version started out!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29493999871388185922010-11-23T17:31:09.305-05:002010-11-23T17:31:09.305-05:00Donald Westlake wrote a short story in which a guy...Donald Westlake wrote a short story in which a guy who commits suicide is doomed to relive, not just his suicide, but his wife's discovery of his hanging corpse, over and over again throughout eternity.<br /><br />I think it was Donald Westlake.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33283108351788168342010-11-23T15:41:25.033-05:002010-11-23T15:41:25.033-05:00I hate to admit it but I would read number 2.
You...I hate to admit it but I would read number 2.<br /><br />You know for me, the drowning bit was the most interesting thing in the query, but that's because I wasn't really sure what the paragraph was saying. I thought the main character was cursed to relive her death over and over. <br /><br />I think a big problem is that she starts out dead, she gets to be alive again, and she proceeds to try to have a normal life. What's the tension between the fact that she came from the underworld and the fact that she's in the normal world now? Does she have a time limit? Do dark forces wish to return her whence she came? Is she pursued?<br /><br />Maybe I missed this, but it would add an element of suspense. I think it might be a good story though.Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76067315821767967552010-11-23T14:11:14.030-05:002010-11-23T14:11:14.030-05:00I agree with EE. Find the main goal, motivation, a...I agree with EE. Find the main goal, motivation, and conflict. Stick to that and you will have success. <br /><br />Though I am confused about the Ancient Eqypt setup when Mal is obviously facing a Tibetan demon. How does the Eqypt/ Tibet thing relate? If the demon affected both then we need something about that. <br /><br />I would almost drop the drowning part altogether and move to something like:<br /><br />Mal is back from the dead. Re-incarnated after 1,000 years with the task of protecting the world from a nasty demon. <br /><br />Aided by a monk, an annoying but cute Russian boy, and re-emerging thoughts of her past life, she treks across Tibetan lands in search of the "Prayer Flags". The flags can banish the demon back to the underworld. <br /><br />And go from there... my creative juices kind of dropped to low-levels, but I hope you can catch my meaning. Hope this helps... but definitely refine, tone down, and focus on the main goals, conflicts, and stakes the main character is facing.Landrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16099833600342085109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23836777754849816102010-11-23T13:03:18.202-05:002010-11-23T13:03:18.202-05:00When you're writing a query you have to show t...When you're writing a query you have to show the agent that your plot makes sense. <br /><br />I think you have a reason why the Egypt/Tibet/America hopscotch works and I think you have a good reason why Mal keeps drowning herself. But you have to let the agent in on it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12838079216003403032010-11-23T12:48:32.905-05:002010-11-23T12:48:32.905-05:00What they said: too many subplots. Instantly knew...What they said: too many subplots. Instantly knew by the crazy mix that this had to be the real plot. The heyday of ancient Egypt happened long before the Buddha came along, and Egyptian iconography was remarkable for its conservative nature, so getting us excited to read about these connections between the religions of ancient Egypt and Tibet / Nepal requires a bit more attention than you gave it here. And then there's the suicide habit, body-snatching, urge to get to America, etc. <br /><br />It seems like an excessively ornate set-up to get us to the real plot = teen romance.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82684037526596326522010-11-23T11:03:46.017-05:002010-11-23T11:03:46.017-05:00I wondered why a set of Tibetan Prayer thingies en...I wondered why a set of Tibetan Prayer thingies end up in Egypt and then must be brought to America. That's making it hard for me to see anything else.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52263553493969658102010-11-23T10:24:57.246-05:002010-11-23T10:24:57.246-05:00Okay, it's not just the query that's all o...Okay, it's not just the query that's all over the place. The plot is too. You've taken some interesting elements and mixed too many of them together in a manner that doesn't seem to me to make much sense.<br /><br />Ancient Egypt-- fine. Very hot. But if she was in ancient Egypt, why not have an ancient Egyptian McGuffin, rather than a Tibetan one? Or why not have the ancient Tibetan prayers be going on in, say, ancient Tibet? And screw ancient Egypt?<br /><br />And why has the character killed herself hundreds of times? Teen suicide can sell very well, but that doesn't explain why this character is such an aficionado. It doesn't seem very connected to the story.<br /><br />These disparate plot elements don't seem to be coming together. It feels like too much forced into one story.<br /><br />(Sorry to be harsh... I've done the same thing myself, with a story that went to many editors, after my regular publishers rubbed their chins thoughtfully and said "Um, no." Some of these editors were kind enough to explain just what I'd done wrong. It is now occupying the virtual desk drawer. If it ever does want to get published, it will have to be rewritten so that it focuses on just <i>one</i> of the cool plot elements I thought up.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com