tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8957370737862319472..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 618Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40461291112743353802009-04-03T20:26:00.000-04:002009-04-03T20:26:00.000-04:00To be more serious (and potentially useful) perhap...To be more serious (and potentially useful) perhaps the author could be more specific about what changes for Morghan? If she's a loser in the human world, while being half-elf, why is it better for her in Mahleala, even though she's half-human? What makes her special and beloved there? Why does she have elf-BFFs when she had no human BFFs?<BR/><BR/>Alternatively, consider skipping the whole 'ordinary girl discovers that she's special' opening (which is a bit hackneyed) and use the space for specifics about the problems that Morghan is faced with in Mahleala, and what's at stake as she tries to solve them.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84139851421590666282009-04-03T10:39:00.000-04:002009-04-03T10:39:00.000-04:00The mention of panels and groups focussed on topic...The mention of panels and groups focussed on topics makes me think that Mahleala is like an Elf Consultancy firm, breaking into focus groups and attending conferences.<BR/>Which, actually, would be an awesome concept. Elves are famously imitative of humans - to them we're like the disadvantaged kids who create the slang and fashions the suburban kids imitate. So why not imitate our Culture of Consultancy? Morghan's loserishness turns out to be an asset, etc. etc.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8608290648587537212009-04-03T07:48:00.000-04:002009-04-03T07:48:00.000-04:00Many minions had the h-adding idea. I altered one ...Many minions had the h-adding idea. I altered one or two that didn't, and didn't use one or two that did.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84285686456041131342009-04-03T03:05:00.000-04:002009-04-03T03:05:00.000-04:00I have to ask, EE, did you add the stray 'h's to a...I have to ask, EE, did you add the stray 'h's to all the plots, or were they all submitted like that? Kind of scary if all the minions had the same thought upon reading the title....Mother (Re)produces.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07685333905652373606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25074120885228627652009-04-02T22:12:00.000-04:002009-04-02T22:12:00.000-04:00How about, instead of a Mole Man, une Belle Taupe ...How about, instead of a Mole Man, <I>une Belle Taupe sans Merci?</I>talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51351004789035459882009-04-02T20:58:00.000-04:002009-04-02T20:58:00.000-04:00Just in case you think Avatar is more obscure than...Just in case you think Avatar is more obscure than it is, I had the same association with Azula as D. Lemma. For YA especially (Avatar's target audience), consider changing the name.Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32530088330471282562009-04-02T17:46:00.000-04:002009-04-02T17:46:00.000-04:00Hi Author,I hear Azula, and I think crazy fire nat...Hi Author,<BR/><BR/>I hear Azula, and I think crazy fire nation chick from Avatar. Just so you know.<BR/><BR/>I agree you need to show what is different about your 11, er, I mean 13 year old who discovers s/he is magical story different from the others. One writer I know has often said "There are no new stories, only new characters." What makes your character special? Why do we care about her? What's at stake for her in this story? What is she up against? We still don't really know.<BR/><BR/>And I totally agree with EE that you need details instead of generalities. Give us some of the details that make Morghan who she is as well as what makes her who she becomes.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07713249922456726003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57786837350332180932009-04-02T13:58:00.000-04:002009-04-02T13:58:00.000-04:00Funny, I always thought the worst kinds of losers ...Funny, I always thought the worst kinds of losers were rapists and baby-killers.<BR/><BR/>Obviously you're the author and so your character can experience nothing if you insist, but I wonder how you are so sure quiet, awkward girls don't have complex inner lives.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59589045465930457762009-04-02T13:24:00.000-04:002009-04-02T13:24:00.000-04:00It seems to me you are missing a strong hook, some...It seems to me you are missing a strong hook, something that sets this ms apart from your average "magic kid" YA novel.<BR/><BR/>When you rewrite your query, ask yourself what makes your story so unique and compelling that it simply <B>must</B> be published?Sarah from Hawthornenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49294032766845912252009-04-02T13:06:00.000-04:002009-04-02T13:06:00.000-04:00Not sure your pronun and all that but I kept readi...Not sure your pronun and all that but I kept reading Mahleala as Maleea as in Malia as in the current president's daughter. How about Chelseelah? Less on one's mind by now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70555570560433135792009-04-02T12:12:00.000-04:002009-04-02T12:12:00.000-04:00Dramagra: the pill actors take when the Chekhov pl...Dramagra: the pill actors take when the Chekhov play is booked for two performances a day.<BR/><BR/>The second and third paragraphs are too vague. Talking around the plot makes readers irritated instead of intrigued.<BR/><BR/>There's a consistent voice in the query, which is nice.pulphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17355139388706278494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30746631129570258542009-04-02T12:10:00.000-04:002009-04-02T12:10:00.000-04:00This would be more original if a popular girl turn...This would be more original if a popular girl turned out to be an elf and grew big pointy ears.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29979183628591627342009-04-02T12:06:00.000-04:002009-04-02T12:06:00.000-04:00Loved those GTPs. Does it mean silly spelling has...Loved those GTPs. Does it mean silly spelling has been done to death?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79950404682737332882009-04-02T11:22:00.000-04:002009-04-02T11:22:00.000-04:00#6 is a slapper. Speaking as a copy editor, please...#6 is a slapper. <BR/><BR/>Speaking as a copy editor, please, oh please, don't ever use "could've" in anything other than dialogue. <BR/><BR/>There are too many unanswered questions here, and not the good kind. Are "worker elves" anything like worker bees? What's a "gift of creation"? Who's in "the group"? Why, if she's only a half-elf, <I>must</I> she go live in the magic world (and why didn't she go there before she turned 14)? Do evil curses get unleashed any time people drop dead? What the heck is a "ghostly panel"?<BR/><BR/>Not that you necessarily should expound all of this in the query, but you do need to give us enough information that we'll have a clue what you're describing. Why are things happening and why does it matter?<BR/><BR/>I don't mean to be discouraging-- My gut tells me that there's an interesting story lurking behind this somewhere. I'd just like to know what exactly it is!<BR/><BR/>(And yeah-- it totally needs a Mole Man.)Eric P.http://www.xanga.com/pass_the_auranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2960664901620717822009-04-02T10:19:00.000-04:002009-04-02T10:19:00.000-04:00Quiet, awkward, boring, and frequently beat up is ...Quiet, awkward, boring, and frequently beat up is not even <I>close</I> to the worst sort of loser.<BR/><BR/>I think I'd stop at the "unpopular girl discovers she's half elf." Can you give us more details about the plot, or retool those first two sentences?<BR/><BR/>Not a fan of the title. Even simply "Mahleala" would be better.150noreply@blogger.com