tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8837383757845466286..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Synopsis 47Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66096232444531456602016-01-21T15:02:07.724-05:002016-01-21T15:02:07.724-05:00Revisions are welcome.Revisions are welcome.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69625581046084627342016-01-21T14:56:20.111-05:002016-01-21T14:56:20.111-05:00Dear Evil Editor, thank you for your comments on m...Dear Evil Editor, thank you for your comments on my query and synopsis for The Mysterious Death of Mr. Phelps. They were extremely helpful. Would it be alright to resubmit both with major revisions? Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02885540644387218443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86079394269676750342016-01-14T09:09:13.516-05:002016-01-14T09:09:13.516-05:00Owlins is an anagram for Wilson? Sorry, that's...Owlins is an anagram for Wilson? Sorry, that's about as "Scooby Doo" as it gets. No way the guy is going to pick an alias by anagramming his REAL NAME. <br /><br />It seems that Lucy's dad really is just here so he can be framed for murder. That maybe ups the stakes for Lucy to find the real killer. It doesn't exactly explain why she got involved in the first place though. I'm thinking at this point she needed a distraction from the pressures of her life and got in over her head. But we don't need the dad if the guy can just frame her mom for the murder. Why add an extra character? <br /><br />EE brings up some good points. Like the fact that shooting someone while cleaning a loaded gun is actually a serious legal matter. Accidental death is "A death caused by a lawful act done under the reasonable belief that no harm was likely to result." Obviously cleaning a gun while it was loaded and pointed at your neighbor's house doesn't count, since there's reason to believe that harm will likely result. Homicide committed with criminal negligence may be considered "involuntary manslaughter" depending on what state you're in.<br />On the other hand, if he claimed to be shooting at a masked intruder with, say, a knife, and there was "evidence" of the intruder like maybe a crowbar and a broken door jamb, this would be considered accidental.<br /><br />I, also, don't quite see what eminent domain has to do with it when we're talking about a private land developer. Make sure you're clear on what you're writing about.<br /><br /><br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86537836387770709892016-01-14T08:48:21.611-05:002016-01-14T08:48:21.611-05:00On the other hand, scrapping the mystery will not ...On the other hand, scrapping the mystery will not only require coming up with a new title, but also abandoning the plan to turn this into a mystery series. Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25274846062435274852016-01-14T08:36:18.526-05:002016-01-14T08:36:18.526-05:00This still feels like two unrelated stories rather...This still feels like two unrelated stories rather than a single narrative. Lucy wants a bunch of very understandable things, but none of them have anything to do with solving the mystery. A lower stakes mystery could make sense as a fun diversion from Lucy's tough life, but a murder mystery is just one more major problem for a girl who already has more than her share. <br /><br />Figure out which plotline is the main story here. If it's the murder mystery, then the family drama should be dialed back a notch or two. Lucy can still have a tough life and an absent dad, but her situation shouldn't be so dire that we're wondering when she would even find the time to go poking around her dead neighbor's house and who's watching the twins while she does. If the main story is the family drama of Lucy putting all her hopes for the future on her dad returning and realizing he's not the savior she imagined him to be when he actually shows up, then the murder mystery should be minimized, if not scrapped altogether. I think the family drama is a stronger narrative than the murder mystery, since the latter seems to involve a lot of coincidence (Lucy being the only one to hear the gunshots, a conveniently timed lesson on eminent domain), a tough to follow plot on the part of the murderer, and only one suspect. But you know your story better than I do.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42520682099757051552016-01-13T19:52:37.238-05:002016-01-13T19:52:37.238-05:00Some of the sentences are more twisty than they ne...Some of the sentences are more twisty than they need to be with possible punctuation issues, though I'm not good enough to give advice there. Keep in mind that this will be looked at as a sample of your ability to write.<br /><br />The big reveal of everything near end has me wondering if the reader spends most of the book watching Lucy's antics without ever really knowing what she (thinks she) knows, and without ever having the pieces of the mystery come together until the big infodump. That would get you a "not right for me"<br /><br />Even in the synopsis, you don't give enough for me to understand why the dad's in the query (or the synopsis) and why you're interrupting the flow of the mystery to throw in bits about him. All you say is he surfaces and Lucy's more responsible than him. For all I know, he's living in a local homeless shelter.<br /><br />Police ballistics are pretty good these days with finding the bullet, figuring what kind of gun was used, and where it was fired from. If you're going to be dealing with a crime as big as murder, you need to understand how the police work and you need to know and apply the legal code for the country/region where your mystery takes place. There need to be good reasons for your amateur sleuth to solve the crime. I don't see them here.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com