tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8701299269699324931..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 921Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8000072828990845002011-07-01T04:54:36.943-04:002011-07-01T04:54:36.943-04:00Ohhhhhhh man. I get here late and AlaskaRC gets to...Ohhhhhhh man. I get here late and AlaskaRC gets to scoop me on what I caught.<br /><br />"As a child, Jacob's mother resorts to wild abuse" (proof was my copy and paste)<br /><br />Anyway at risk of sounding like a kiss up...what EE said. He smoked this query. He's en fuego. He's hotter than a red hot chili pepper on a grill.<br /><br />Wow. Yeah don't try to over write and be cute. The opening lines did hook me and I imagined something more literary/commercial....then you not only lost me, you give little real sense of this being fantasy until several paragraphs in...when it's already too late.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29922077251895425672011-06-30T10:11:35.931-04:002011-06-30T10:11:35.931-04:00Even for litfic, this is overwritten. Is the book ...Even for litfic, this is overwritten. Is the book written in the same style? <br />Nothing wrong with highly-coloured language, but it has more effect if it's saved for intense moments and not slathered over the whole story.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85940654998198441962011-06-29T20:06:36.749-04:002011-06-29T20:06:36.749-04:00Was that a high colonic nit-pick?Was that a high colonic nit-pick?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32688013615172934962011-06-29T19:32:41.444-04:002011-06-29T19:32:41.444-04:00The blaze has to atone FOR the betrayal. Gotta hav...The blaze has to atone FOR the betrayal. Gotta have that pesky conjunction.<br /><br />Jacob's mother wasn't also a child when she was discouraging him, was she? 'As a child' refers to her, not Jacob.<br /><br />'homeless youth' should be 'homeless youths'. If this is meant to be litfic, you've already failed to convince that you have the grasp of language needed to write in that line. Still, an utterly unlikeable protag seems to be a requirement for litfic, so you're all right there.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11135556295104301692011-06-29T19:00:00.296-04:002011-06-29T19:00:00.296-04:00Ah, you're right; a colon.Ah, you're right; a colon.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74508852611589073032011-06-29T18:11:00.130-04:002011-06-29T18:11:00.130-04:00I coulda sworn that was a colon doing a dash's...I coulda sworn that was a colon doing a dash's job.<br /><br />Good catch on the mother. In a couple days I'll add your comment in blue to the query, thus stealing the credit.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71413006850215650512011-06-29T17:52:29.281-04:002011-06-29T17:52:29.281-04:00The After Burn is told from the perspective of Jac...<i>The After Burn is told from the perspective of Jacob Ravensway, a young man able to make fire with rhymes and his mind: a talent that appears every other generation on his mother's side.</i><br /><br />Never send a semi-colon to do a comma's job.<br /><br /><i> As a child, Jacob's mother resorts to wild abuse and discourages his hot skills.</i><br /><br />If Jacob's mother is a child, then we wouldn't necessarily expect great parenting skills. But if he's 16, surely she's no longer a child.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3199623819035520062011-06-29T15:22:43.556-04:002011-06-29T15:22:43.556-04:00I'm having trouble pinning down your audience ...I'm having trouble pinning down your audience and intentions with this query. I'm getting "Palahniuk for high-schoolers," which could be a problem since high school kids can read Palahniuk anyway.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46075957703211101142011-06-29T15:00:22.754-04:002011-06-29T15:00:22.754-04:00So... this guy's a rapper? And he uses his pow...So... this guy's a rapper? And he uses his power as part the show?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69944082707304978652011-06-29T14:11:28.404-04:002011-06-29T14:11:28.404-04:00Story sounds kind of cool. Just get rid of things ...Story sounds kind of cool. Just get rid of things like, "Fire forges a throne under the hot city lights" and tell the (cool) story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75912839354704430132011-06-29T12:54:04.679-04:002011-06-29T12:54:04.679-04:00Please don't ever think it's the query'...Please don't ever think it's the query's job to impress the editor with your powerful, impassioned prose. It only ever looks purple.<br /><br />Even Thomas Traherne would have queried for <i>Centuries of Meditations</i> by saying, "This is a book of religious poems about finding God in nature..."Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09440250912113010049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76571604000778066952011-06-29T12:36:50.908-04:002011-06-29T12:36:50.908-04:00All I got out of that query was there's fire i...All I got out of that query was there's fire in this book. Tell us what happens.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89165806409361186502011-06-29T11:42:49.130-04:002011-06-29T11:42:49.130-04:00Can you just tell us what happens, in chronologica...Can you just tell us what happens, in chronological order?150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13339413436985141842011-06-29T11:16:14.263-04:002011-06-29T11:16:14.263-04:00What he said.
Remember that a query's job is ...What he said.<br /><br />Remember that a query's job is not to impress but to inform.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.com