tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8491220506413003159..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 635Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85509797060001742272009-05-26T13:28:55.501-04:002009-05-26T13:28:55.501-04:00I want to know where Tara comes in. Or at least wh...I want to know where Tara comes in. Or at least whose tears they are (because I'm not sure if they're Alice's or Theo's or both).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61675375524856066932009-05-26T07:33:40.379-04:002009-05-26T07:33:40.379-04:00I think we need to know a bit more about how (and ...I think we need to know a bit more about how (and why) these two characters connect together. As things stand, it's not clear how they even know each other, much less how they find out that they need each other ... I'm sort of assuming, here, that Theodore's ability has some bearing on Alice's ability to conceive, though I'm blowed if I can see how.<br /><br />How do they meet? And why does their first meeting not end rather abruptly with Alice running away and calling the cops? I think these questions need to be addressed, some way - it'd make the whole thing seem less unlikely.Steve Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836762265698458170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11267075849728296962009-05-25T19:52:04.521-04:002009-05-25T19:52:04.521-04:00sounds like an angst orgy
You make that seem lik...<I>sounds like an angst orgy</I> <br /><br />You make that seem like a bad thing, Anon. I happen to like angst. I want the characters I read about to wallow in it. Give me dark and bleak over sunny and happy any day. <br /><br />However, I do like a clear understanding of <I>why</I> the MCs are wallowing. This query, I'm afraid, isn't making it clear for me. <br /><br />First, what are the stakes for Bobby if he isn't reborn as Tara? Alice sounds like someone tying to connect with anyone only for her own sake -- to have her son back as whatever/whoever. Is someone who lets her 5-year-old drown the <I>right</I> mother for the boy? She just sounds selfish in the query. She has sex with the wrong guy and apparently he's out of her life b/c she miscarries. I'm not exactly rooting for her here. Maybe Bobby's spirit is best left in limbo or wherever such 'tween spirits hang out.<br /><br />Theo is just a confusing character from his description in the query. Is his gift hammering at him and he's always reaching out trying to figure out what that pounding in his head means, and he's on the cusp of knowing, but it's elusive, dancing out of reach each time he thinks he's about to have a breakthrough, and it gets worse around certain people but he can't figure out what the connection means, and if he doesn't figure out what's messing with his head soon, he'll go crazy and maybe start living naked in a junkyard? Oh no. It's the personal loss that puts him over the edge. What might that loss have been -- his wallet? his driver's license? his 5-year-old son that he lost last year in a drowning accident? Some grounding, specifics, and dot connection is needed here, I think, before Theo can be fully realized in the query.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70582227850561096022009-05-25T18:40:59.227-04:002009-05-25T18:40:59.227-04:00I'm intrigued, more by Theodore Amer's gift and th...I'm intrigued, more by Theodore Amer's gift and the ways in which it cripples him when he doesn't know what to do with it than by Alice. I'm confused about why Tara is the title character but doesn't appear in the query. If the book is largely about Alice I hope Theodore is able to persuade her to stop trying to bring Bobby back and to move on with her own life. If it's about Tara I can imagine a lot of conflict around Mom wanting her to be her reincarnated brother (and presumably Dad wanting the same thing, so Mom will believe he was the Right Man...) Sort of like a paranormal "My Sister's Keeper."Joannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18512979436638657062009-05-25T16:41:12.882-04:002009-05-25T16:41:12.882-04:00GTP !6! was the real one?!?!?! Oh, my. Oh. My.
I ...GTP !6! was the real one?!?!?! Oh, my. Oh. My.<br /><br />I agree with EE--to you, it's inner struggle; to us, it's vague. To solve all your problems, rewrite it as a farce. As the Reduced Shakespeare Company said, the tragedies are funnier than the comedies.<br /><br />How do they meet? What happens? How do they feel about each other? Do they marry, or is EE right? If EE is right, you'd better make it a comedy. I won't read it, but I'm sure other people will. *cough*<br /><br />Answer some of those questions and it should sound better._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29865540537153836092009-05-25T15:13:54.553-04:002009-05-25T15:13:54.553-04:00A lot of this confused me. I really liked the tit...A lot of this confused me. I really liked the title, but from it I anticipated a fantasy story about a girl named Tara. I really didn't know how to respond to a contemporary piece about someone named Alice.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3845648993269730512009-05-25T14:47:46.448-04:002009-05-25T14:47:46.448-04:00What's the pace? I don't have any idea if this co...What's the pace? I don't have any idea if this covers the first 3 pages or the whole book. This would not keep my interest for 100,000 words, but it might work as the beginning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-56109709829303573842009-05-25T14:27:45.710-04:002009-05-25T14:27:45.710-04:00I think that, based on your description, you might...I think that, based on your description, you might just call this Vale of Tears, because all we hear about is how wounded, desparate, insane or emotionally crippled the two characters you mention are. And it's depressing!<br /><br />Now, I'm sure your book is not a total downer. So perhaps you might cut much of the description of the naked-in-a-junkyard and related madness (which make your main character seem crazy, too) and give us some of the plot?<br /><br />This query doesn't show me anything appealing about the novel,and I think you need to find the emotional hook that will make people want to read your story to see more about your main character and her struggle.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35966791004849419172009-05-25T14:14:34.897-04:002009-05-25T14:14:34.897-04:00I thought the query was too vague and a little con...I thought the query was too vague and a little confusing. I think you should focus on the female protagonist and give the junkyard man only a couple of lines. If I knew everything about her and little about him, making him and his power more mysterious, I would find the book more alluring.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84396449234109288492009-05-25T13:54:55.566-04:002009-05-25T13:54:55.566-04:00paranormal melodrama. melodramatic paranormalcy. ...paranormal melodrama. melodramatic paranormalcy. sounds like an angst orgy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com