tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8427991784093252738..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1416Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9285719117900082542021-04-10T12:28:40.620-04:002021-04-10T12:28:40.620-04:00If I'm understanding you correctly, you found ...<i>If I'm understanding you correctly, you found success with a prologue that is an updated version of New Beginning 1093?</i><br /><br />So far, but we shall see. I didn't change it drastically, but I did make some fixes per EE and the minions' advice. I'm still concerned about the opening-proper. Stay tuned for another Continue an Opening submission.<br /><br />Other Anonymous, I'm hoping the reference to the "last intervention" is at least ominous. Specifying it would spoil the ending. There's one clarifying change I'm making, which is "she catches Madeleine dumping a bucket of blood." I'll make that "secretly observes," since she doesn't actually catch Madeleine out -- Eliza is flat-out spying and she sees something she's not supposed to see. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59639314530061185632021-04-09T16:01:27.896-04:002021-04-09T16:01:27.896-04:00Hi Author,
If I'm understanding you correctly...Hi Author,<br /><br />If I'm understanding you correctly, you found success with a prologue that is an updated version of New Beginning 1093? If so, I'd love to see it. Maybe you could do other chapter openings as NB too?<br /><br />Congrats on your first full request! How exciting!<br /><br />Mandakinzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01057855298896415825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58676408956171389232021-04-09T13:29:53.377-04:002021-04-09T13:29:53.377-04:00Hi author,
Good job on the query. I have just a ...Hi author,<br /><br />Good job on the query. I have just a few little nits.<br /><br />You could maybe specify what the last intervention is.<br /><br />The corrections EE made, not just the polishing, worry me a bit because if those types of errors are common in the manuscript it's likely going to be rejected as being too much work, even if the story is good. Hopefully this is a needless worry.<br /><br />The other thing that may be an issue is calling the story a morality tale, which may give the impression that the story is going to be preachy, which a lot of agents have said they don't like. (ymmv) You might want to try moving the line about lady macbeth there instead and see if that helps.<br /><br />(Addendum, just saw your comment, congrats on getting requests. Hopefully my advice is a bit of polishing if you're wondering what else to try, but it sounds like you might be good as is.)<br /><br />At any rate, good luck. Let us know if it goes well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10677711306745018252021-04-09T09:47:57.715-04:002021-04-09T09:47:57.715-04:00Hi, Mandakinz
Author here, and I'm glad you s...Hi, Mandakinz<br /><br />Author here, and I'm glad you showed up -- I thought I was going to be the Angel of No Comments. Thanks for your encouraging words.<br /><br />Actually, it is now clear: my opening sucks, because this query is getting me nowhere. With that and one reader's overall suggestion that I get the creepy magic established sooner, I dreamed up a Prolog that I decided to workshop before wasting more precious queries. Behold, New Beginning 1093. I took EE's and the minions' suggestions, queried a few more people, and got my first full request. I'm still thinking the opening-opening needs work. I just might post it. <br /><br />Meanwhile, I'm taking EE's edits on the query and I've changed Desiray's name to Desirae.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79263133267232346192021-04-09T09:09:52.315-04:002021-04-09T09:09:52.315-04:00Congrats to you, author! When the time comes for m...Congrats to you, author! When the time comes for me to send out my inquiry, I'll be taking notes from yours. <br /><br />It seems to me that one of the things you did well here was to explain the scope of the entire plot. In working on my own and in reading others' examples it seems like a common pitfall is to be overbalanced on the setup and initial premise. Chances are good that if I had tried to write the query based off your book, I would have included details about the characters backstory. Kudos to you for giving more a birds eye view. <br /><br />I hope you'll let us know if you see success with it. In the meantime, maybe you'll submit a New Beginning? Mandakinzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01057855298896415825noreply@blogger.com