tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post8320239587146978316..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1126Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65604614435085282762013-05-22T12:42:46.094-04:002013-05-22T12:42:46.094-04:00I like the idea of the warlocks.
Part 1: Rachel ...I like the idea of the warlocks.<br /> <br />Part 1: Rachel is a mechanic. Taking things apart and putting them together again helps take her mind off her other ability: the Sight. Rachel has visions, one of which is her mother being murdered. <br /><br />Part 2: Based on clues from the vision, she sets out to find her transient matriarch and enters the supernatural community she’s avoided for so long.<br />Rachel encounters warlocks who need her vision to unseal a family secret. She needs their help in navigating the unfamiliar underworld. <br />But there’s more going on in the story. (Tell us what this is, i.e. Rachel discovers unsealing the family secret will kill a thousand mortals.) In addition, the last seer who tried to help the warlocks didn’t see his own premature end coming. <br /><br />Part 3: Marshaling all her skills <br />as a mechanic, a seer, and what she’s learned in her search for her mother while in the service of the warlocks, Rachel must…..<br /><br />The only think I want to caution you against is too much "supernatural" influx. You have seers, warlocks, and witchcraft. If everyone is extraordinary, then the interesting part of the story becomes unweildy and uninteresting. PLaFnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73225510085074943812013-05-20T17:36:55.158-04:002013-05-20T17:36:55.158-04:00My comment shd say "limits IMposed by others&...My comment shd say "limits IMposed by others". Ouch.<br /><br />There seems to be a consensus here that you should focus your query on saving mom. Screw the warlocks.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21792914038044816522013-05-20T15:23:05.867-04:002013-05-20T15:23:05.867-04:00You were doing okay until:
"The elemental tra...You were doing okay until:<br />"The elemental traps protecting the seals are deadly and they’re keeping secrets, like the untimely fate of the last sucker who worked for them."<br /><br />It was really concrete imagery what with psychos, mechanics and whisky, and suddenly I have to visualize elemental seals setting some sort of trap? It's jarring to say the least.<br /><br />The tone is too breezy considering the stakes. Her MOM is going to be murdered. You sound like a sociopath making light of a thing like that.<br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32132426781748659672013-05-20T14:24:09.358-04:002013-05-20T14:24:09.358-04:00What I can glean of the premise sounds interesting...What I can glean of the premise sounds interesting. My problem with the query is that the front half and back half don't connect for me. <br /><br />We start with the problem of her mother's imminent death and her need to track her down, but that seems to be just the catalyst for hooking her up with the Warlocks. Then the story seems to switch from "find Mom" to thwart the warlocks and stay alive. <br /><br />I would like to see (if it exists) more about how saving her mom is worked into the rest of warlock plot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14142111302627994072013-05-20T13:36:40.309-04:002013-05-20T13:36:40.309-04:00So, we have a compelling situation:
1. Rachel has...So, we have a compelling situation:<br /><br />1. Rachel has premonitions of people's deaths, but can't do anything about it. (That last is an important detail... if true. Does she just believe fate wins, or has she actually tried to save anyone?)<br /><br />2. This time it's different: it's her own mom on the chopping block and, though she still knows she can't prevent it, she's gotta try.<br /><br />After that, tension falls, because you start talking about other things... Rachel's lack of connections. (Which is odd. I'm pretty sure mechanics meet people from all over.) Who cares about connections when her mom's being stalked by a psycho?<br /><br />Then we're back on track because<br /><br />3. Rachel needs help to find her mom (Really? Some seer.) and warlocks need her help... personally I think it would be cool if what they needed from her was a new distributor cap or a rebuilt alternator, but okay.<br /><br />As it is there's no narrative purpose to Rachel being a mechanic. <br /><br />It <i>is</i> useful in that it suggests she's unconventional, doesn't accept limits opposed by others, whatever. <br /><br />But since there are lots of other ways to communicate that, I'm assuming that her being a mechanic is also integral to the plot. That's not showing in the query as it stands.<br /><br />You kind of have to mention her mechanicity in order to explain the title... but that still leaves us wondering if there's more than one seer in the story. IOW, are you stretching too much for the sake of the title?<br /><br />Zip code is two words. And y'know, up here zip code hopping can require a twin engine Otter (see post office, bankruptcy of) but in the Lower 48, you can cross three zip codes on an afternoon stroll. Mom'd be harder to find if she was state-hopping or region-hopping.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27290581593182153942013-05-20T12:12:11.660-04:002013-05-20T12:12:11.660-04:00The chatty tone is okay if the book isn't dead...The chatty tone is okay if the book isn't dead serious. On the other hand, there may be better terms than "bite it" that are equally chatty. "Buy the farm"?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45962302047069404592013-05-20T11:48:45.826-04:002013-05-20T11:48:45.826-04:00Hi author!
Sounds like this could be a good read,...Hi author! <br />Sounds like this could be a good read, but right now the tone feels chatty, and the plot seems mostly set up.<br /><br />Rachel has visions, she sees her mother dying in one of these visions, and now she teams up with unscrupulous warlocks to track down her flighty mom and save her from untimely death... And I'd like to know a bit more about how Rachel, the oil jockey, can do this. <br /><br />Why is she the important cog in the power-unleashing machine? How can she defend herself from these beings? What if SHE if the reason her mom dies...by unleashing untold warlock powers etc.<br /><br />I dunno. You haven't told me enough...<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.com