tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7962634527762628670..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 542Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84702901854767945602008-08-21T10:43:00.000-04:002008-08-21T10:43:00.000-04:00I liked the style a lot. Like continuationist Anon...I liked the style a lot. Like continuationist Anon, I immediately thought of Kahlua. On first reading the description of the drink "seemed" longish for the opening. I was wanting more about the situation. It does provide good atmosphere, though, and I didn't have the same impression on the second reading.<BR/><BR/>Bill H.WouldBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384050055381698411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41062279619705559872008-08-20T23:29:00.000-04:002008-08-20T23:29:00.000-04:00I'd read on! Especially if Jared's descriptions w...I'd read on! Especially if Jared's descriptions were accurate!talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82484852058423402322008-08-20T17:19:00.000-04:002008-08-20T17:19:00.000-04:00I liked this as well, written. As others, my main ...I liked this as well, written. As others, my main reservation was I couldn't get a sense of where the protag was.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74007622824550232722008-08-20T15:56:00.000-04:002008-08-20T15:56:00.000-04:00See, this is why I like this blog. Now I know som...See, this is why I like this blog. Now I know some folks expect to be in a surveillance blind. I never imagined I'd left that open to interpretation.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for these and future comments. And EE the jug is a small pottery jug, which is meant to be drunk at one sitting. It ages like wine in the bottle and the 'smoke' it gives off is an intoxicant, which is why she decides to open it herself, so she won't miss any of it. <BR/><BR/>I hadn't really considered the bartender's continued role, Whirlio, because I am still trying to decide on some plot issues. But this is meant to be the start of a short story in a larger world that I've created. <BR/><BR/>Loved the continuation, anon, and I'm trying to envision the fourth paw from the left, JaredX.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54645621938559265862008-08-20T14:36:00.000-04:002008-08-20T14:36:00.000-04:00Yeah, I'm with Dave. You pulled me into the survei...Yeah, I'm with Dave. You pulled me into the surveillance blind, and I had a hard time jumping to the bar. Once I got there it was easy. I was hooked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24236995793133112692008-08-20T12:21:00.000-04:002008-08-20T12:21:00.000-04:00When I read this, I thought she was still on surve...When I read this, I thought she was still on surveillance and not in the bar. That's the main problem I have with this. Once I get into the bar, I'm OK.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60923911525989351642008-08-20T11:37:00.000-04:002008-08-20T11:37:00.000-04:00Liked the writing on this and considered doing a c...Liked the writing on this and considered doing a continuation (BTW very nice one here). Especially liked the undertone of humor in lines such as, "as long as it didn't come native to this repulsive dirtball of a planet" and "The bartender snaked an arm under the counter. . ." I do appreciate a good bar scene, and naturally expect a fight soon. Is there one? Guess I am curious enough to want to read on.<BR/><BR/>MeriAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30886464721721417932008-08-20T11:24:00.000-04:002008-08-20T11:24:00.000-04:00Loved it. I think the first sentence is optional t...Loved it. I think the first sentence is optional though as you give that information as you go along.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54848326910699743312008-08-20T10:30:00.000-04:002008-08-20T10:30:00.000-04:00This is loaded with information and for the most p...This is loaded with information and for the most part works really well.<BR/><BR/>You've incorporated considerable weirdness, yet made it look like an everyday wander to the shops, eg the detail with the knife and the matter-of-factness about the bartender's facelift.<BR/><BR/>I did, however, stumble on the phrase 'not in sight' when you refer to a drink the bartender doesn't appear to stock. There — I know what you mean, but it just seems an odd way of saying it. 'Not in sight' could be anywhere, and has a metaphysical quality to it, but maybe it's just me. I've tried a few alternatives ('she couldn't see on display'?) but it ups the word count.<BR/><BR/>I'd definitely read on, particularly if the bartender isn't just a walk-on part.Whirlochrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09846196906206886945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48876698097169130142008-08-20T09:36:00.000-04:002008-08-20T09:36:00.000-04:00I really like your elliptical style and the elemen...I really like your elliptical style and the elements of humour, e.g. "a mutation or a well done after-market job". You get so much setting across without ever having to spell it out.<BR/><BR/>I'd love to read more.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23487896299778488792008-08-20T09:27:00.000-04:002008-08-20T09:27:00.000-04:00Very nice. I might use the surveillance subject's ...Very nice. I might use the surveillance subject's name instead of "their surveillance subject." That seems to me what she would think, and I assume we'll find out her assignment soon enough.<BR/><BR/>Also, I'd put "it was wet" before the dirtball of a planet. The planet line is a major point that will drown out the wet line if you don't get it in first.<BR/><BR/>Not clear why Kiera assumes the bottle isn't already open if it's been there a few years. Possibly I'm being influenced by the continuation into believing it's a liqueur or liquor, rather than something like a beer that would be drunk entirely by one person. Does Aged nicely imply unopened? Or do liquors continue aging after they're open?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54419893601879786702008-08-20T09:10:00.000-04:002008-08-20T09:10:00.000-04:00Unchosen Continuation:"Don't drink that!" Jason st...Unchosen Continuation:<BR/><BR/><BR/>"Don't drink that!" Jason stood at the door, gasping for nitrogen. "Slipsky poisoned all the kaloor and that humnorm knows it!" <BR/> <BR/>The bartender slithered through a side door. <BR/> <BR/>Kiera's single eye watched in horror as the kaloor reduced her knife to a frothy orange puddle. "That bastard," Kiera snarled. <BR/> <BR/>"That bastard is my father," Jason said, scratching at his snout with his fourth paw from the left. <BR/> <BR/>--Jared XEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com