tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7714092638329842034..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 843Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6988945922458241442010-11-22T09:44:00.155-05:002010-11-22T09:44:00.155-05:00Thank you all for your comments. This query has be...Thank you all for your comments. This query has been revised more times then I care to admit. : )<br /><br />The newest version will be posted on Phoenix's site this Wednesday. If you have a moment, I'd love to know what you think of the revision. <br /><br />Thanks again!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38862873357357184222010-11-21T20:26:11.903-05:002010-11-21T20:26:11.903-05:00I think flibgibbet (accurate I hope s/he is) is o...I think flibgibbet (accurate I hope s/he is) is on target here. The query jumps around a bit much. I get the story here, but the query doesn't make me care about Emily.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5155672587719577532010-11-21T18:35:34.245-05:002010-11-21T18:35:34.245-05:00Not to overstep, but this is your plot according t...Not to overstep, but this is your plot according to me:<br /><br />After her husband, eldest son, and daughter are killed by a drunk driver, Emily is left alone to raise her youngest son.<br /><br />She relocates to New York and faces the most difficult decision of her life: keep fighting for the justice her family deserves, or forgive the driver and rebuild a future for her surviving son. <br /><br />Fueled by anger and guilt, Emily dedicates the next (blank) years to putting the perp behind bars----hindered by a new obsession for hoarding newspaper clippings of similar crimes and building a fortress of paper. <br /><br />With the trial looming, she forges an unlikely friendship with her neighbor Nicholas Travane, a man as handsome and as arrogant as her deceased husband. She’s attracted to him, but insists that friendship is all she's ever going to able to offer. <br /><br />The trial comes to an abrupt halt when the drunk driver becomes seriously ill and is hospitalized indefinitely. Emily fears he'll die before justice is served, but also begins to question whether vengeance is worth the sacrifice.<br /><br />BTW. This is a story I'd gladly read, and wish you much success fine-tuning your query.flibgibbethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01947123089305169481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14105200081996782962010-11-19T20:22:33.568-05:002010-11-19T20:22:33.568-05:00I would think the hoarding hinders her trial prep ...I would think the hoarding hinders her trial prep because it makes her disorganized. Personally, I would make the hoarding a new thing for her after the accident, because now she's afraid to let anything go. But that's not the most helpful query comment.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90829577833660416682010-11-19T16:41:08.776-05:002010-11-19T16:41:08.776-05:00Well this sounds like the light breezy summer read...Well this sounds like the light breezy summer read I've been waiting for.<br /><br />Seriously though, this souds like it could be good.I really like that we're seeing multiple layers of conflict here. I'm going to disagree on nixing at least the hording part. That hooked me...as did the potential other love interest. I see it as an internal conflict between going towards what is familiar vs staying true to her principles. Maybe just a rewording of it to indicate how it affects the actual plot.<br /><br />I agree that we need more details regarding the "explosive moment" and Conway's illness.<br /><br />I think the query is very close, and suggest you work on it over at Phoenix's site to get it polished. Best of luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83805846366679794212010-11-19T15:24:48.328-05:002010-11-19T15:24:48.328-05:00Number four has Potter on the brain, I think.
Yea...Number four has Potter on the brain, I think.<br /><br />Yeah, I dunno, this sounds a little syrupy, like Alice Sebold left out in the sun for a long time. You could work on trying not to make it sound too soap opera. Also, are we supposed to feel sympathetic towards Conway Duke?Joe Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60739742511946820612010-11-19T14:17:27.865-05:002010-11-19T14:17:27.865-05:00Is Conway Duke's illness the "suffering&q...Is Conway Duke's illness the "suffering" you mention in the first sentence? Or is it the ordeal of a trial, exacerbated by illness? Can't Emily forgive Conway in her heart but still have him prosecuted? I believe many crime victims do such a thing. They let go of their hatred and vengefulness, but they still want the criminals locked away so they can't victimize more innocents.<br /><br />I'd get the overprotective brother out of the query unless you elaborate on his significance to the plot. But you seem to have a LOT of junk in here for no apparent reason -- anger, survivor's guilt, hoarding, the brother, Nicholas, and memories of spousal abuse. I think all you need is the anger, and then this merciful impulse that takes Emily herself by surprise and twists the plot. All this other stuff is random obstacles.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75245759528776061112010-11-19T14:06:00.783-05:002010-11-19T14:06:00.783-05:00As EE says, I too have only vague ideas about what...As EE says, I too have only vague ideas about what's happening. I think it's about our protag wanting to pursue justice but trying not to let that pursuit consume a new life? Maybe?<br /><br />It also appears that every man in her life is arrogant. Conrad is arrogant (ok, egotistical), and Nick embodies her husband's arrogance, so both of them are, or seem to be) arrogant, too. I hope Emily learns how to avoid arrogant men by the end of the book.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.com