tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post744432062309732727..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 898Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7247284673117456692011-11-12T03:28:40.455-05:002011-11-12T03:28:40.455-05:00I know that I'm not supposed to have the best ...I know that I'm not supposed to have the best view of Russell. That's about it. The rest is confusing.<br /><br />I did take him to be tall and gangly and thin like a hanger. I hope I was supposed to. <br /><br />Also, these birthday horns? Are they blow ticklers? Because that's just a more fun term to use.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84178114796760648432011-11-10T12:07:50.343-05:002011-11-10T12:07:50.343-05:00Maybe they're meant more to give us an idea of...Maybe they're meant more to give us an idea of the narrator's picture of Russell though.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39887663011744198222011-11-10T09:00:39.743-05:002011-11-10T09:00:39.743-05:00I'd lose some of the metaphors since they'...I'd lose some of the metaphors since they're not helping us picture Russell.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365582623380288038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85883344597444024282011-11-10T07:28:49.877-05:002011-11-10T07:28:49.877-05:00After the confusion of the jumbled images, I ended...After the confusion of the jumbled images, I ended up feeling sorry for poor Russell, the narrator seemed so contemptuous of him. <br /><br />Describing a person as a hanger brought up these connotations for me - thin with a poor posture and an unwanted hanger-on. But I only got that after reading it a few times. Was that your intent, author?<br /><br />I'd read on to find out what Russell had done to earn such animosity. And because it seems to describe an ex-boss of mine called... Russell. I am totally serious.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52447477962183092562011-11-10T00:15:09.458-05:002011-11-10T00:15:09.458-05:00But I like what you're trying to do...But I like what you're trying to do...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28714686070342983042011-11-10T00:13:42.077-05:002011-11-10T00:13:42.077-05:00Despite all the comparisons, I still have no clue ...Despite all the comparisons, I still have no clue what Russell is like.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12036625184993623702011-11-09T16:11:30.636-05:002011-11-09T16:11:30.636-05:00It's all a bit much at present. The extended m...It's all a bit much at present. The extended metaphors are over-extended, I'd say.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59221605705853010812011-11-09T15:30:41.545-05:002011-11-09T15:30:41.545-05:00I can't really say anything, if this is from t...I can't really say anything, if this is from the writer's NaNoWriMo project. It's a bit like being asked to comment on the groom's wedding ensemble when he's still in his skivvies.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45917317511134508222011-11-09T13:33:19.453-05:002011-11-09T13:33:19.453-05:00I got lost as to what was happening. The language ...I got lost as to what was happening. The language is clear and OK but the oddness of it was overwhelming. I don't know what you mean by "hanger" and there's no way to understand that before you call him a dog. Too much too fast.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18217202416002233005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86308191775538494562011-11-09T11:57:07.799-05:002011-11-09T11:57:07.799-05:00I think there's definite potential in this ope...I think there's definite potential in this opening. It feels like something out of the ordinary. Always good.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66599867663061413832011-11-09T09:40:56.625-05:002011-11-09T09:40:56.625-05:00This is the opening of the author's NaNoWriMo ...This is the opening of the author's NaNoWriMo WIP, so go easy on it, minions.<br /><br /><br />The metaphors in paragraph 1 aren't providing a clearer picture of Russell. Even if the narrator is going to be spouting nonsensical analogies throughout the novel, you don't want to open with something this unclear. The following would be a way to maintain the quirky analogy opening with more clarity. Possibly better would be to use it without the first paragraph.<br /><br />You know those little birthday horns that you include in the goody bags at your toddler’s birthday party? How the kids open the bags in the car on the way home and start honking the horns constantly and now all the other parents hate you? That's how I hate Russell.<br /><br />Russell turns around and looks at me from the passenger seat. “We pulled your name first, so you have to fill up the tank.”<br /><br />“Yeah," I say, "but you volunteered before we drew names, so you have to go first.”<br /><br />Of course he ignores me; convincing him to do something is like straightening a bent wire coat hanger; you can try but it will never be perfect. You're better off getting a new hanger.<br /><br /><br />If you keep the phrase you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, Put quotation marks around it or put hyphens between all the words. It's acting as a single adjective.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com