tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post7175566322574736673..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1277Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78289536389541181642015-10-08T18:29:18.011-04:002015-10-08T18:29:18.011-04:00Alaska said what I was thinking here. I'm pret...Alaska said what I was thinking here. I'm pretty sure all the manuscripts involving high school students with surprise mythical parentage and magical powers are responsible for the destruction of at least one large old-growth forest.<br /><br />Before you continue further destruction of the environment, be sure you know what makes your story unique and how to express that. <br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91232223361213577382015-10-08T07:49:04.756-04:002015-10-08T07:49:04.756-04:00We've seen a lot of YA queries on here where a...We've seen a lot of YA queries on here where a 16-year-old high school student discovers she is the daughter of X and has Y powers. I think agents and editors must be yearning for a 16-year-old high school student who, despite being just a normal human kid, takes on magical forces of evil and kicks ass.<br /><br />Since it sounds like this manuscript doesn't offer that, I'd de-emphasize the discovery of magical parentage and focus in on the challenge the protagonist faces and what she does to overcome it.AlaskaRavenclawanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-6151975274660238642015-10-08T07:19:57.259-04:002015-10-08T07:19:57.259-04:00Thanks so much for your detailed critiques, everyo...Thanks so much for your detailed critiques, everyone! I can see I need to make some changes in my query, especially regarding Kate's motivation and what will happen if the Berserkers free their leader.<br /><br />Thanks again!<br /><br />@Anon @ 5:42 p.m.--No, the Berserkers don't turn into bears, but I did find the inspiration for the name in Scandinavian lore. There are some mythological elements in the story.Authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43454504850238243282015-10-07T20:33:31.785-04:002015-10-07T20:33:31.785-04:00I think I get what's going on. Something like,...I think I get what's going on. Something like, all the wonderful wackiness of the world comes from human creativity and a bit of magic, but if you get too much or too little of either, you'll have -- something bad. Maybe endless tidy lists of bullet points and subheaders. Is that the deal with Kate? Not enough art or magic in her and she becomes the ironic heroine in the fight to save both? <br /><br />But that's just my guess, and I still can't grasp what's really, truly at stake. What will happen if Kate and the Celestians fail? What will it look like if "creativity falls"? If it causes an imbalance, will magic rise? How exactly would the world be different? If the book is doing well in a writing contest, this conflict is probably clear and consequential, but that's not happening in the query.<br /><br />I can't help noting how similar this is to the story about the Naturae. Teen girl is abducted by friendly force to a hidden world inhabited by non-human beings and it turns out she's a hybrid who has special powers because of her human half. She has to restore or maintain a balance between the humans and the non-humans. Is there anything YA authors can do to escape this trope? Should they? Because of its philosophical premise, I'm also curious if this story is inspired by The Night Circus.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85403351771903278862015-10-07T17:42:13.102-04:002015-10-07T17:42:13.102-04:00In addition to this being mostly setup, your prota...In addition to this being mostly setup, your protag sounds fairly passive. She has plans, learns, and discovers. Finally she takes action: she volunteers to go with other people.... For all I know, they will be saving the world while she plays Watson and takes notes.<br /><br />We need to know what Kate wants. For all we know, she wants to find the sword to free the leader of the Berserkers so she won't fail art class worse than anyone else.<br /><br />We need to know what she's up against. Do they ever run into opposition or is it mostly puzzle solving trying to figure out how to get to the center of the earth?<br /><br />We need to know what plot/character affecting choices she will need to make and what the consequences are for each path. So what happens if the Berserkers' leader is freed? What happens if creativity falls? Does it just fall for humanity? What about apes? Elephants? Corvids? If there's a balance, what then happens to the 'real' magic?<br /><br />Having recently seen another plot with a half-human being kidnapped and learning about her heritage and abilities, I'd go with EE's suggestion to have her just go with her friend. And, probably dump all that from the query.<br /><br />As an aside, this look scattered to me. We have Celestian, which would be the heaven/sky guard which matches ok with a guy imprisoned in the center of the earth, but then we have Berserkers which are (drugged-up) bear warriors out of Scandinavian lore, and we're looking for a stock fantasy magic sword.... I'm hoping more of a plot will somehow make this look lined up.<br /><br />Also, out of curiosity, can your Berserkers turn into bears?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45686017377017506932015-10-07T11:16:20.966-04:002015-10-07T11:16:20.966-04:00Kate's plans for the summer prior to learning ...Kate's plans for the summer prior to learning about her magical parentage don't ever come up again, so I'd cut the bullet point list and jump straight to the kidnapping.<br /><br />What is the balance between humanity's magic and real magic and why does it need to be protected? I understand that the balance between good and evil probably depends on how much influence and power the good guys and the bad guy have, but these don't sound like opposing forces. Also, calling the Celestian's abilities "real magic" greatly undermines the idea that creativity is an equally valid and important form of magic. <br /><br />I'm not clear on what the Berserkers are trying to accomplish beyond freeing their leader, which is not inherently evil. It might help if I understood this balance between human and Celestian's magic and why it matters, but I'd want to know what the Berserkers plan to do once their leader is free and what the consequences will be.<br /><br />Most of this is an infodump about the Celestian Guard and the Berserkers. Try to pair down the setup and get to what obstacles Kate will be facing and what choices she might have to make.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.com