tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6567864868540636058..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 710Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21303373344196886352010-03-15T04:23:08.542-04:002010-03-15T04:23:08.542-04:00Wonderful post! Very helpful.
The comments have b...Wonderful post! Very helpful.<br /><br />The comments have been helpful, too. I love this blog.<br /><br />(I wrote the query above, if there's any doubt.)Bartholomewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4655581842085443502009-12-18T09:09:08.943-05:002009-12-18T09:09:08.943-05:00When reading this I got the impression that the Ch...When reading this I got the impression that the Chokloi were giant spider...people (using that term broadly) and the author had just done a poor job presenting that. Either way, this query is not clear. That's a problem.Katherine Hazenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01501757978596809805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43092651173452402292009-12-17T20:51:47.482-05:002009-12-17T20:51:47.482-05:00I think this has voice in spades, which is always ...I think this has voice in spades, which is always supposed to be a good thing. Connect the plot dots, and you're there. I wanted more - also a good thing.<br /><br />The first sentence goes straight from Crocodile Hunter to mostly-human, so I guessed alternate near-future right away. What I don't get is whether Choloki means spiders?Hannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59489444458395095062009-12-17T20:49:04.383-05:002009-12-17T20:49:04.383-05:00Also, the spiders: are they giant spiders? I wasn&...Also, the spiders: are they giant spiders? I wasn't sure until the reporter was caught in a web (and even then...). Seems like that should be mentioned up-front as well.<br /><br />And who's the protagonist? Serrin? If so, the last sentence doesn't make him seem very likable. I admit I don't really care if he gets caught or not. Basically, I don't know who I'm supposed to care about or why.<br /><br />Start with the protagonist. Tell us his goal/problem (the conflict), why it's important (the stakes), and what he does to solve it (the plot). Being very careful to explain anything that's not obvious to someone who has never read the book and drop anything that would be too hard to explain in this short space. I know that's easier said than done, but it's part of the job.Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13108109166328674152009-12-17T19:48:59.657-05:002009-12-17T19:48:59.657-05:00I can't tell what's going on. Obviously th...I can't tell what's going on. Obviously the author has this entire story playing out like a movie in his head, but we don't have any tickets to the show. <br /><br />Please give us more info.Marie Simashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07255293343641053930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89427301441870064352009-12-17T17:32:44.253-05:002009-12-17T17:32:44.253-05:00I have no clue what Chokloi are or what the tribes...I have no clue what Chokloi are or what the tribes are. Start over, giving us just enough world-building to understand, and elaborate on the plot.<br /><br />Why is there a gas crisis? Futuristic fiction, I'd guess we're past peak oil, the Middle East or the Stans have gone up in flames, etc. Here, though, it sounds like the tribes/Chokloi/??? are competing with the humans for its use. What do they want it for? Do they eat it?_*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73913139323237857982009-12-17T14:54:33.716-05:002009-12-17T14:54:33.716-05:00Is the plot presented in reverse chronological ord...Is the plot presented in reverse chronological order? Or reverse logical order? Given that you're tossing us in to the world without any setup (which can be the best way to do it, not wasting time) you should perhaps be gentler with explaining the plot. <br />Also, what's at stake for Serrin, whom I take to be our hero? Is it the ratings, or the survival of his people?batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84241657054762095742009-12-17T14:39:29.061-05:002009-12-17T14:39:29.061-05:00I didn't get it and I am not sure I want to.
...I didn't get it and I am not sure I want to. <br /><br />We need something to go on. Maybe a synopsis?vkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50068825940481249892009-12-17T14:37:43.455-05:002009-12-17T14:37:43.455-05:00I remember that final scene in the original "...I remember that final scene in the original "THE FLY" where David Heddison, his head and arm on a fly's body is caught in a spider web and we hear his tiny voice begging "help me. Help me, help me..." And the Inspector crushes both spider and fly with a rock. <br /><br /><b>Is this even set on Earth? IF so, when did spiders get big enough to trap people in their webs? Is there an alien race of spiders and another alien race of spider slayers? Like Sissy, the Spider Slayer of Sunny Suds High School in Paducah?</b><br /><br />BTW - I have a few lady friends who will not enter a room if they know a spider is in it at the same time. They are true arachnophobic maniacs and won't touch even the dead, crunchy spiders let alone hairy tree spiders that get to be a couple inches out here in the woods. They flee. They flee.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75330361554898175572009-12-17T13:31:34.692-05:002009-12-17T13:31:34.692-05:00When you mention Crocodile Hunter I immediately as...When you mention Crocodile Hunter I immediately assume this takes place in modern day earth. Hearing about Cholokis and giant spiders makes me think it's a fantasy world. The gas crisis reminds me of Mad Max.<br /><br />In a word: setting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59200461998063673652009-12-17T12:20:32.783-05:002009-12-17T12:20:32.783-05:00Right. My first reaction is "where's the...Right. My first reaction is "where's the rest of this query?"<br /><br />Who or what is/are the Choloki? What's this reality-TV spider hunting show, and what does it have to do with, well, anything? Scattered tribes of what? (Choices seem to be: Choloki, spiders, or TV presenters.) What does the plight of the reporter have to do with the story? <i>Is</i> there a story?<br /><br />See? I have so many questions - I hope the author has some answers.Steve Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836762265698458170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70823726130130210362009-12-17T12:07:24.354-05:002009-12-17T12:07:24.354-05:00I didn't get it.I didn't get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74376819600212049002009-12-17T10:54:24.322-05:002009-12-17T10:54:24.322-05:00I thought that Serrin, the Spider Slayer, was slay...I thought that Serrin, the Spider Slayer, was slaying spiders and that Choloki was what you're calling Choloki here, so he was probably human; so when the human saved a human from a spider web it didn't make the Choloki seem any more human.<br /><br />I'd probably read it if I had the first idea what was going on. Rewrite and repost!150noreply@blogger.com