tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6440566431755172083..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 666Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66421537864490163202009-08-21T12:17:46.479-04:002009-08-21T12:17:46.479-04:00Maybe they want to motivate themselves. I'd wo...Maybe they want to motivate themselves. I'd work like crazy if a family member's life was on the line.<br /><br />I think my comment got eaten the first time._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84429284921759018442009-08-21T08:54:00.650-04:002009-08-21T08:54:00.650-04:00Just wanted to chime in about the parents too. Th...Just wanted to chime in about the parents too. That was also my first thought...these scientist parents move to a village to study the deaths of teenage girls...and they bring their teenage daughter. <br /><br />LOL.whoevernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89630670781607258632009-08-21T08:30:49.060-04:002009-08-21T08:30:49.060-04:00"On the other hand, if the villagers are sacr..."On the other hand, if the villagers are sacrificing one girl per year to Aquaman, how did word that there was a mysterious virus reach Kayla's parents? Was it CSI Sandstone that originally determined that the annual deaths were caused by a virus?"<br /><br />This made my day.Josephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14891299299223740869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27167258861168064512009-08-20T23:29:24.887-04:002009-08-20T23:29:24.887-04:00I agree completely with pacatrue - I didn't ge...I agree completely with pacatrue - I didn't get a sense of the type of book this is... funny, sad, coming of age, thriller? Is this a fantasy, drama, horror?<br /><br />Also, my absolute first thought when you mentioned that one teenage girl died each year reminded me fully of The Lottery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lottery). Though it's not specifically a teenage girl each year, the story takes place when one is chosen... Watch out for any similarities, since The Lottery is used/abused/copied/mutated quite a bit...<br /><br />(or the similarity is just in my head).<br /><br />But I agree with BuffySquirrel -- my second thought was, what kind of parents does she have? Shouldn't they have left their teenage girl to leave with grandma until she turned 20?Hadean Dragonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00263019814190059550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21762166453001898552009-08-20T21:29:03.698-04:002009-08-20T21:29:03.698-04:00It's lucky Kayla got her Phd early and was abl...It's lucky Kayla got her Phd early and was able to continue her parents' research.<br /><br />Pre-professional means amateur, does it not?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16963462526616800962009-08-20T21:13:49.078-04:002009-08-20T21:13:49.078-04:00It's not a virus; it's a "virus."...It's not a virus; it's a "virus."Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33784438010319231532009-08-20T21:10:36.909-04:002009-08-20T21:10:36.909-04:00Is it really a virus if it only infects one person...Is it really a virus if it only infects one person a year? Or am I reading this wrong and maybe it infects tones of people, but only 1 person dies from the virus per year?<br /><br />This query really just leaves me confused. <br /><br />But I do like that there are Rastas in your book. Yay on Caribbean people. My uncle and cousins are Rastas.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2073534252923374002009-08-20T19:28:41.348-04:002009-08-20T19:28:41.348-04:00Actually, Gaimon is Gaiman, but in a Rasta accent....Actually, Gaimon <i>is</i> Gaiman, but in a Rasta accent.rilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06988777482435230194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16242375735381705092009-08-20T18:34:49.384-04:002009-08-20T18:34:49.384-04:00LOL - Buffysquirrel - you just made my day. Thank...LOL - Buffysquirrel - you just made my day. Thank you. And, good point. <br /><br />I can't stop giggling - <br /><br />vkwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50671737889394255112009-08-20T17:32:15.163-04:002009-08-20T17:32:15.163-04:00So Kayla's parents take their teenage daughter...So Kayla's parents take their teenage daughter to a village notorious for the unexplained deaths of teenage girls.<br /><br />Don't they <i>like</i> Kayla?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72249949778236271412009-08-20T16:15:52.273-04:002009-08-20T16:15:52.273-04:00Easy part: Reduce the final paragraph to two sente...Easy part: Reduce the final paragraph to two sentences - the word count and maybe the publishing creds. The story is your strength here at this point in the career, not the uni, etc.<br /><br />My main issue with the query was that I never got a clear sense of the tone of the novel. When a teenage girl was trying to investigate mermaids with a hot boy and his gang of surfer buddies making jokes, I had one picture of the book. When the parents die, I got a completely different picture. Is this a fun book with a mystery in the middle, or some sort of dark thriller?<br /><br />I also wasn't clear on what people knew about viruses and mermaids. Does everyone know that one girl a year becomes a mermaid, and they call it a virus? If so, is having mermaids around not an unusual thing in this world? Or do they not know anything about merfolk, but one girl disappears? Why would a disappearing girl be a virus, instead of a serial killer? What exactly does the family come to investigate?<br /><br />There's definitely a good idea in here.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50622225791048085512009-08-20T15:56:52.999-04:002009-08-20T15:56:52.999-04:00How does one establish a pattern with one death a ...How does one establish a pattern with one death a year? <br /><br />Well, that's the hero's destiny in life. the ability to see what others don't see. The ability to find a pattern where no pattern is readily apparent. <br /><br />Why do engineers and scientists plot data points on graphs? To see a correlation visually what the mind might not find in mere numbers on a page. OR to disprove a correlation that numbers seem to reveal but only exists as bias in the scientist's mind. <br /><br />The essence of all mysteries is that the brilliant detective, sees the killer in the patterns of the evidence.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72031198983188525052009-08-20T15:52:59.295-04:002009-08-20T15:52:59.295-04:00I agree that there just seem to be too many gaping...I agree that there just seem to be too many gaping plot and logic holes here for the story as expressed here to work. Don't assume that just because it's a YA, that teens won't notice them too. Most teen readers have extraordinarily sensitive BS-o-meters.Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61908603827332068682009-08-20T14:51:10.297-04:002009-08-20T14:51:10.297-04:00Also it's Gaiman, not Gaimon.
Was Kayla stud...Also it's Gaiman, not Gaimon. <br /><br />Was Kayla studying up at Garrett Hathaway's library? <br />http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/08/face-lift-168.htmlbatgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4639543487540093312009-08-20T13:42:53.570-04:002009-08-20T13:42:53.570-04:00Kings Falcon: Dude!!! Read more classics! Gaimon...Kings Falcon: Dude!!! Read more classics! Gaimon's 'one child a year' thing was so NOT original. His whole schtick is to use mixes of traditional plot elements and characters in modern settings, which is the oldest [and most popular] strategy in fiction.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1918463327519615612009-08-20T13:23:15.248-04:002009-08-20T13:23:15.248-04:00Yeah, this is the wrong place to be mum about the ...Yeah, this is the wrong place to be mum about the characters and plot. Competition is much too steep for that. <br /><br />I'm wondering what could get this out of the slush. <br /><br />Getting published by your own school's pubs would be most impressive if a] that school were famous for its outstandingly good creative writing program or b] the agent was an alum. When I lived in Island Park, Rexburg was the big city with the multiplex and the mall, but alas, the world beyond Boise knows it not. So I'm thinking unless you have reason to believe the agent you are subbing to already has a high opinion of your school, the space used for these credits can be more productively devoted to your plot.<br /><br />The teen-saves-world-by-taking-over-parental-science-project plot element is one I have used in GTPs because it's so amusing, not because I take it seriously. However, I believe this could potentially work for a middle grade audience, and possibly young adult. If that is your intended audience, you need to say so and ditch the Rastafari [pot-smoking and little known but often despised, maligned, and slandered minority] surfers, or at least turn them into a less notorious and more book-buying sort of religious youth that you can write convincingly about, such as LDS missionaries, or perhaps a fictitious group you invented for the purposes of this novel. <br /><br />If it is meant for an adult audience, perhaps it works to keep the Rastafari bunch and do something else with the teen-science. I'm not sure what. Making her an undergrad studying microbiology at Science U [not Rexburg] might give you enough plausibility points to pull it off. It is clearly total scifi, not real science, but you didn't tell us anything about the 'science', so who knows what it needs... <br /><br />The verdict is basically: you didn't say enough about this story to sell it as either convincing or so much fun we want to read it anyway. The credits are too obscure to help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4793808766586227422009-08-20T13:09:23.480-04:002009-08-20T13:09:23.480-04:00As hard as it is after spending so much time getti...As hard as it is after spending so much time getting mystery into the story, try not to be vague in the query. The story line - one girl a year turns into a mermaid - is interesting. But I need some details as to who, what, when, and why that aren't being answered in the query. <br /><br />Who or what is your antagonist? What does he do to stop Kayla from discovering the truth? Why does he pick her as the next victim? <br /><br />Also, be aware that there is some plot similarity to Neil Gaimon's "American Gods" where one child disappeared every year. Admittedly that was a smallish part of Gaimon's plot but the query should show that your story is not a derivative of his.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12237518808756712176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38099909029414984382009-08-20T13:08:08.737-04:002009-08-20T13:08:08.737-04:00I doubt members of the LDS church will cast an Isl...I doubt members of the LDS church will cast an Islamic religious ruling against you, Evil Editor. Although, they may come to your door more often for making fun of their campus in Idaho. (So sue me). <br /><br />Well, I don't have anything useful to add, which has not already been said about the query. I am sure there is a completely logical reason why so much time and effort and resources are spent trying to discover a cure for a virus that kills only 1 teenager a year. Can a pattern even be established with that statistic? Thousands of people die of unindentified causes every year and no one really gets alarmed until a pattern is established - like in cases of serial killers and viruses. The virus would have to be turning the victims into mermaids or something to even be interesting to the medical community. Hmmm - maybe the parents are really working for the navy seals to spread the virus? Hmmm. could be.<br /><br />Anyway - what does the surfers have to do with the plot? I admit I googled Rastafarian because I didn't know what it was and came up with obscure religious movement and those that smoke a lot of weed. Neither of which was all that interesting to me. <br /><br />vkwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50014330676940649042009-08-20T12:34:19.958-04:002009-08-20T12:34:19.958-04:00Do the dark secrets have something to do with the ...Do the dark secrets have something to do with the Rastafari religion? Or is that just shorthand for conjuring the image of dreadlocked partakers of herb going, "Irie, irie mon"? If it's the latter you may want to rethink that.Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77645467141665849932009-08-20T12:17:13.612-04:002009-08-20T12:17:13.612-04:00Comparing it to the Massachusetts Institute of Tec...<i>Comparing it to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology-Chicago only works if there is a state named Brigham Young.</i><br /><br />It was a joke, not a slur on anyone's religious beliefs. As Massachusetts has never been in Chicago to my knowledge, and Brigham Young was never in Idaho, it works fine as a joke, if a lame one. The last thing I need is a Mormon fatwa being issued against me.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9527116373930955192009-08-20T11:56:31.322-04:002009-08-20T11:56:31.322-04:00"On the other hand, if the villagers are sacr..."On the other hand, if the villagers are sacrificing one girl per year to Aquaman...."<br /><br />Aquaman meets King Kong. Now there's a novel. They have similar dating tastes.Kool Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13158010523420054202009-08-20T11:41:26.477-04:002009-08-20T11:41:26.477-04:00So far, I have learned there is a Bringham Young i...So far, I have learned there is a Bringham Young in Idaho (who knew?) and this query makes no sense at all. <br /><br />One death a year does not a medical mystery make. People need funding for that kind of "move to the shore" research, unless they're independently wealthy and eccentric, which makes sense. <br /><br />I had a bizarre, untreatable allergy that strikes one in 50K people chronically for an average of nine long years and NO ONE CARED enough to research it because it wasn't as important or had enough revenue potential to put it up there with cancer cures or heart disease.<br /><br />"I thought that this project may be suitable for you because of your interest in folklore, cannibalism, and obscure Asian history."<br /><br />I also wouldn't necessarily point out someone's interest in cannibalism as having any relevance to this story whatsoever unless mermaids are getting caught in those tuna nets everyone bitches about. I certainly don't want a mermaid-salad sandwich.<br /><br />I am sorry for being a troll, I'm just not buying it.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31192473266047525232009-08-20T11:10:35.292-04:002009-08-20T11:10:35.292-04:00I think we need to know more about mysterious gree...I think we need to know more about mysterious green-eyed Joseph and the secrets of the Rastafarian surfers. I also think that "Mysterious Green-Eyed Joseph and the Secrets of the Rastafarian Surfers" would be a much better title. But that might just be me.<br /><br />Why is the death of one person per year attributed to a mystery virus? Why is Kyla apparently distressed only by the death of one parent? These are deep waters, Watson. Possibly with mermaids in them, too.Steve Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836762265698458170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84727946715201405372009-08-20T11:10:14.190-04:002009-08-20T11:10:14.190-04:00I bet you Joseph is a mermaid. A Rasta mermaid!
Y...I bet you Joseph is a mermaid. A Rasta mermaid!<br /><br />You mention several things--the air, mysterious Joseph--that you don't elaborate on. We need to know more. These details can be skipped; the plot can't.<br /><br />Also, a few things don't make sense.<br /><br />I do hope you were joking about your reasons for querying. I'd advise making sure those things are in the query, not telling about them. For example, mention how the cannibalism fits in, not that the agent/editor likes it._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50141199829726346472009-08-20T11:04:00.559-04:002009-08-20T11:04:00.559-04:00Actually BYU-Idaho makes perfect sense. Brigham Yo...Actually BYU-Idaho makes perfect sense. Brigham Young University has 3 campuses. The one in Provo, UT is the first-and most well known-so it simply goes by BYU. The campus in Rexburg, ID is BYU-Idaho and the campus in Laie, HI is BYU-Hawaii. <br /><br />Comparing it to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology-Chicago only works if there is a state named Brigham Young. To my knowledge, there is not.Rachel Batemanhttp://rachelbateman.comnoreply@blogger.com