tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6428270613769886863..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 416Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35019408358999949892007-12-07T20:06:00.000-05:002007-12-07T20:06:00.000-05:00I am sorry, but "New Beginning 416"is funny as hel...I am sorry, but "New Beginning 416"is funny as hell. "...If you throw me in the lake, I'll float." I laughed out loud. I guess I am showing my ignorance here (I am new to your site.) Talpiana, are you serious? Really? Really?? Please, this is writing for crying out loud; made up stuff. Am I the only one. You've read Malleus Maleficrum! Please! For Christ's sake, don't do that to me. I almost wet my pants I laughed so hard. Thank you.Lukehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02481884859967101525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1208219346407958062007-12-07T19:18:00.000-05:002007-12-07T19:18:00.000-05:00My longer ether-lost version in a nutshell:I liked...My longer ether-lost version in a nutshell:<BR/><BR/>I liked this a lot and would definitely read on. <BR/><BR/>I think he's an officious prick who's too sure of himself. That's what I get from "be an easy claim to find the lie in".Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79861635791568124612007-12-07T18:22:00.000-05:002007-12-07T18:22:00.000-05:00Thanks Bernita (I might try that), Precie, Squirre...Thanks Bernita (I might try that), Precie, Squirrel, EE (I had been fussing over that bit without why) and Four Vampire Brothers. V. helpfulXenithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550985137843901009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33899719633695461102007-12-07T14:45:00.000-05:002007-12-07T14:45:00.000-05:00Always thinking the worst of poor EE. I was merely...Always thinking the worst of poor EE. I was merely sympathizing, knowing that instead of waiting for me to find your emails and publish them, you would have to retype them.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64561341024760628712007-12-07T14:16:00.000-05:002007-12-07T14:16:00.000-05:00I'm sorry to report that in this case they really ...<I>I'm sorry to report that in this case they really did disappear into the ether.</I><BR/><BR/>Erm, so does that mean if they hadn't really disappeared and you were in truth ignoring us, you'd be <I>happy</I> to report that?Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20903179349812315692007-12-07T10:34:00.000-05:002007-12-07T10:34:00.000-05:00Loved the continuation.I think the opening has pot...Loved the continuation.<BR/><BR/>I think the opening has potential. The "witch" sounds like strong, compelling character. And it's an interesting premise. I think you've received great suggestions for improvement here!Preciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05071233480999640713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52694372877981028742007-12-07T04:46:00.000-05:002007-12-07T04:46:00.000-05:00Phoenix, I've tried to post a comment to this begi...Phoenix, I've tried to post a comment to this beginning twice, pursuant to the administrator's approval, along with an exercise entry...also wondered if I had offended EE somehow...<BR/><BR/>Maybe if a little action/description were added to the conversation, it might remove that sense of distance the talking heads create.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12181547084938086382007-12-07T01:03:00.000-05:002007-12-07T01:03:00.000-05:00I thought I wrote a comment earlier.Robin: He is! ...I thought I wrote a comment earlier.<BR/><BR/>Robin: He is! So I guess if he's coming across stilted, it must be right ;)<BR/><BR/>Talpianna: it is an alternate world, although that's not at all obvious out of context <BR/><BR/>Fabian: v. good point, thanks<BR/><BR/>Mckoala: (small voice)You're right(end small voice) I like to think it gets better in next bit though :) but that's my second biggest writing issue at the moment.Xenithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550985137843901009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89805293999981077032007-12-06T22:33:00.000-05:002007-12-06T22:33:00.000-05:00I'm sorry to report that in this case they really ...I'm sorry to report that in this case they really did disappear into the ether. I never saw them, and my email search function shows no record of them. Resend, please.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62500313678726538892007-12-06T22:13:00.000-05:002007-12-06T22:13:00.000-05:00Not only does my continuation dissolve into the et...Not only does my continuation dissolve into the ether, but my complaint about it disappears, too!<BR/><BR/>EE, are you trying to tell me I'm not welcome here anymore?! *sniff* *sniff*Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29240141383001555872007-12-06T21:49:00.000-05:002007-12-06T21:49:00.000-05:00Hi Xenith,I like this, and I like the idea of it, ...Hi Xenith,<BR/><BR/>I like this, and I like the idea of it, but I thought there were parts that might be smoother.<BR/><BR/>"but this woman's very statement reeked off wrongness..." here - wrongness just seems, well, wrong. I'm too tired right now to come up with an alternative for 'wrongness', but I think it would be good to change it.<BR/><BR/>And: "At my words, she no longer smiled, but neither did her face register the fear that I expected."<BR/>There's just something about this, from "but neither" that sounds stilted to me. Don't know how to explain it. <BR/><BR/>My guess is the narrator is a rod-up-his-butt type, so maybe stilted works for him?<BR/><BR/>Paca, you're on fire. Nice to see you back in action.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27823620549829784212007-12-06T19:45:00.000-05:002007-12-06T19:45:00.000-05:00Having done considerable research on witchcraft in...Having done considerable research on witchcraft in fact and fiction (actually read the <B>Malleus Maleficarum</B>), I find that this doesn't ring true. It only makes sense to me if it's supposed to be some alternate-universe version of the Inquisition.<BR/><BR/>In the first place, witch-hunters usually didn't bother with simple interrogation: they went straight to the torture. (And in Scotland, at least, pulling out the accused's fingernails with pliers didn't count as torture; it was normal interrogation.)<BR/><BR/>In the second place, people simply didn't get acquitted, let alone have the Inquisitor/witchfinder bend over backwards to disprove the charge (or, in this case, boast). Simply to be accused (and usually by someone being tortured who will name anyone they can think of just to stop the pain) meant inevitable conviction, not least because the possessions of the condemned witch were divided among the church, the state, and the accuser. This is why so many victims of the witch hunts were not the dotty old ladies we usually think of but people of considerable substance.<BR/><BR/>3. In the third place, these are not the usual "crimes" involved in witchcraft charges, which generally had to do with fertility, either blighting crops or livestock, preventing conception, or causing difficulties in childbirth.<BR/><BR/>In short, I can't take the proposed story seriously because it's too unrealistic in the way it deals with witchcraft.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89798512794432340312007-12-06T17:48:00.000-05:002007-12-06T17:48:00.000-05:00I think this is a great place to start. I did like...I think this is a great place to start. I did like EE's suggestion and I think you need 'of' not 'off' in that first para. <BR/><BR/>I do slightly miss a sense of place - you mention 'hall' but by the end of the conversation I'm feeling slightly disoriented, because there is no sense of the environment, or of their physical placement in relation to one another.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69811657031179308302007-12-06T17:43:00.000-05:002007-12-06T17:43:00.000-05:00Off should be of in the second paragraph.Off should be of in the second paragraph.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55763107342884212922007-12-06T17:29:00.000-05:002007-12-06T17:29:00.000-05:00Okay, my first attempt to actually make a suggesti...Okay, my first attempt to actually make a suggestion to somebody here. Watch as I'm being discredited:<BR/><BR/>I like this and it's got an interesting premise (witches, cool, hooray! ... Not witches... waaait... whatnow?), but I'd lead with <BR/><BR/> "I have performed acts of witchery." <BR/><BR/>Because "The woman disturbed me." and what follows is too much show and not enough tell. Like four vampire brothers said, action is good for openings.<BR/><BR/>Wait... vampire brothers - witches... vampires... squirrels buffys... church ladies... this comments page is confusing me. Now I'm afraid I'm gonna be eaten by werewolves... or even the fabled donjtgur, what a bleak prospect for my future... *rambleramble*Fabian Trunzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03974508906109953560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19859890620763853712007-12-06T15:37:00.000-05:002007-12-06T15:37:00.000-05:00LOL--Paca's continuation!!!The llama is on a roll....LOL--Paca's continuation!!!<BR/>The llama is on a roll. I'm seeing jokes scattered about the blogosphere.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9963961778117394072007-12-06T12:34:00.000-05:002007-12-06T12:34:00.000-05:00I have to agree with buffy. I did like that it ope...I have to agree with buffy. I did like that it opens in the middle of conflict, I'd want to see some character or some action, quick.Four Vampire Brothershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10717072969768510066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4015268760860563652007-12-06T08:34:00.000-05:002007-12-06T08:34:00.000-05:00Very nice. Nothing cries out for change, but as l...Very nice. <BR/> <BR/>Nothing cries out for change, but as long as I'm here: I'd like to think this is the first time this has ever happened to the narrator. Thus how can he be sure it will "be an easy claim to find the lie in"? And why does he say others "usually" tried to deny involvement, not admit to it? I would think they <I>always</I> had tried to deny involvement in the past. Finally, "admit" may imply there's been an accusation; this woman seems to be bragging that she's a witch. So you could change the next-to-last paragraph to:<BR/><BR/>Finding truth within the statements of demonisers and witches was my expertise, but the wretches I dealt with always tried to deny involvement, not boast of it.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76797042981750265872007-12-06T08:29:00.000-05:002007-12-06T08:29:00.000-05:00I believe it!Obviously it's only a small sample, b...I believe it!<BR/><BR/>Obviously it's only a small sample, but reading this, I wonder if it wouldn't be better written in third person. While first gives great opportunities to connect with a character, I'm not feeling much of a character here at present. Such a distanced portrayal works better in third, imo.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42468607713123816652007-12-06T08:10:00.000-05:002007-12-06T08:10:00.000-05:00Unchosen Continuation:It would all be about avoidi...Unchosen Continuation:<BR/><BR/><BR/>It would all be about avoiding depositions and getting a settlement as fast as possible.<BR/><BR/>I sighed and silently thanked God I was her lawyer and not her ex-husband's. The poor schmuck - or soon to be. <BR/><BR/>--freddieEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com