tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6310078916519914738..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1061Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14486267577795507112012-08-10T08:42:58.239-04:002012-08-10T08:42:58.239-04:00Not complained exactly, no. More sideswiped.Not complained exactly, no. More sideswiped.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5585617119718894922012-08-10T00:11:32.930-04:002012-08-10T00:11:32.930-04:00Calling Querrl a girl and her people people is sur...Calling Querrl a girl and her people people is sure to lead readers to think they're human. So we should be told if they aren't.<br /><br />No one complained about the name Querrl.<br /><br />You may as well start the query when Q is an adult if the main plot isn't going back to her childhood home. You can simply introduce her as a woman who was raised in an orphanage (or whatever).<br /><br />That she was born in a culture that is apparently primitive, and got her education from the Julagnans makes me wonder how she is more knowledgeable about the volcano danger than the Julagnans.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19181431585353308652012-08-09T20:52:24.807-04:002012-08-09T20:52:24.807-04:00I already put in the time to get a degree in biolo...I already put in the time to get a degree in biology. When I read a novel it's never because the characters have a fascinating sort of digestive tract, odd lungs, a curious arrangement of limbs, or a surprising life history. <br /><br />This biology-talk about your aliens makes my eyes glaze over. Save it for the book, or, better yet, follow Elmore Leonard's rule and don't 'splain nothing. <br /><br />Focus on the story's plot here: your main character's goals & obstacles. Everything else you include should enlighten us about those same goals or obstacles. The rest can wait.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90239691241416927752012-08-09T20:14:23.073-04:002012-08-09T20:14:23.073-04:00Oh, they're like ants? I get it!
At the core ...Oh, they're like ants? I get it!<br /><br />At the core of your query should be the conflict that's at the core of the novel. So if that's trying to get the Republicans to acknowledge anthropomorphic climate change, I mean, getting the Julagnans to realise that Vesuvius is about to go critical, tell us about that. If it's Querrl (and the name doesn't bother me btw) dealing with her gender issues, tell us about that. If it's Querrl saving the world BY dealing with her gender issues, then tell us about *that*.<br /><br />What's Querrl's goal? What's at stake? What's preventing her achieving her goal? What will go horribly wrong (and for whom) if she fails? What's her dilemma? Focus on those issues.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3267860236076689932012-08-09T19:52:24.958-04:002012-08-09T19:52:24.958-04:00The difference between "drudge" and &quo...The difference between "drudge" and "mother material" seems pretty key to your story, since it explains why she can't swim and what she has to conceal. The brothel explains why she's concealing her true nature, too. Bottom line: yes, work all of that in. <br /><br />I like the idea of explaining she's an alien; that, to me, would make the politics more believable. And I liked Kurel. :)Rachel6https://www.blogger.com/profile/15138745237488029817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28242450318953938312012-08-09T19:15:52.273-04:002012-08-09T19:15:52.273-04:00Thanks, EE and readers! This is the first query I&...Thanks, EE and readers! This is the first query I've written, and I wasn't sure how much information to include, or how to pick out which information was most important. So this was very helpful! And the guess the plots made me laugh.<br /><br />About the name, I'm not sure it was clear in the query, but these are not humans. They're eusocial aliens. There are no humans in the entire story. Therefore, having someone named, say, "Amanda", would be much odder than Querrl. However, although Querrl is quite pronouncable to me, I'm the author, with all the blinders that implies. Would Kurrel or Kurel seem more approachable to you guys? Also, should I clearly state that she's an alien upfront? Would it make the query make more sense to you? <br /><br />Another piece of information that maybe should have gone somewhere in the query is that the "drudges" are actually sterile females, which are physically different from the fertile females, and Querrl (or Kurel or whatever ) is defective in that she looks very much like one, even though she's not. That's why they couldn't tell her apart from one, unless they did a full physical, and why she can't swim. She's physically not built for it. The reason the fertile females are locked up (yes, in brothels, essentially) has to do entirely with current politics and an enviromental disaster that's wiped out most of the breeding grounds in one particular nation, and I didn't see a way to discuss that without loading the query down with backstory. Should I add something on either point in, or will it just confuse things? I know that EE cut out a lot on this matter, anyway, but the story isn't actually about her getting home. When she makes her move, it isn't to leave. It's about dealing with the Ehillen and Julagnan conflict and the gender issues in Julagnan society, and being torn between the family she feels obligated to return to and people in the culture that raised her, and dealing with a looming natural disaster that most of the Julagnan refuse to acknowledge, due to the loss of most historical data and the fact that they don't take archeologists seriously. So I have too much detail, but I'm not sure what the right details to include is. <br /><br />Arrgg, I'm having trouble summarizing the story. That was probably obvious from the query. <br /><br />Thanks,<br />StephanieStephanie Bittnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05190545055990592234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5003659045667754392012-08-09T17:08:30.454-04:002012-08-09T17:08:30.454-04:00What EE said. Read a few hundred of the queries he...What EE said. Read a few hundred of the queries here and you too will consider gibberish names a handicap. <br /><br />A character that paradoxically survives in deadly conditions [these people raise infants underwater but this one can't swim, whatever that means] might be quite intriguing in the book, but here it seems to be an unnecessary complication. Tribes at war post their mutual extermination by a volcano is also a paradox. Ghost armies? Just kidding about them being exterminated? Or what? The 'extermination' history seems like another unnecessary complication. Maybe it works in the book, but you don't need to mention it here.<br /><br />Seems like your choice of words is designed to maximize dramatic impact, but you don't really mean what they say. Much as I love novels with unreliable narrators, I don't think unreliability works in a query.<br /><br />I like the goal of introducing engineering to her homeland. The obstacles don't seem to match.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19225988475180183132012-08-09T16:49:09.369-04:002012-08-09T16:49:09.369-04:00Why is she so anxious to return home? They didn...Why is she so anxious to return home? They didn't even like her. Does she plan to go back brandishing guns and take over? That would make some sense....<br /><br />If (fertile) females are so rare (and they really must be if nobody can recognise one when they see one), how have these people survived at all? Especially if they're fond of warfare. How do they keep their numbers up? Multiple births? How do the ffs even have babies if they're all locked up in prisons? WHY are they all locked up in prisons? How does that help? Do men visit them there or something? Are the prisons actually brothels?<br /><br />I think you might need to give us a little setup at the beginning, about the world and the war and the people. It's not even clear to me if Querrl is an Ehillen, a Julagnan, or something else entirely.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.com