tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6176270654921456401..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 551Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64599816449969521212008-08-06T05:28:00.000-04:002008-08-06T05:28:00.000-04:00Confusing, but could make for a great comedy! Clea...Confusing, but could make for a great comedy! <BR/><BR/>Clearly the writer has an affinity for suspense, twists and turns, but: must. simplify. today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42616148057885579132008-08-05T22:54:00.000-04:002008-08-05T22:54:00.000-04:00I thought a runway spy was an undercover fashionis...I thought a runway spy was an undercover fashionista.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79607038867766256392008-08-05T14:41:00.000-04:002008-08-05T14:41:00.000-04:00After checking out 150's rewrite on the Crapometer...After checking out 150's rewrite on the Crapometer, I'd say it's a vast improvement. However, in that version (well, in all the versions, come to think) Sophie sounds like a thoroughly selfish, scheming, heartless, unlikable character.<BR/><BR/>Which is going to make this a hard sell in the romance market.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9582445212437811862008-08-05T14:34:00.000-04:002008-08-05T14:34:00.000-04:00It started out confusing and became downright bewi...It started out confusing and became downright bewildering. Try again?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42354518302514075822008-08-05T02:02:00.000-04:002008-08-05T02:02:00.000-04:00E. Phillips Oppenheim did it better in THE GREAT I...E. Phillips Oppenheim did it better in THE GREAT IMPERSONATION.<BR/><BR/>And a runway spy is someone who sneaks into fashion shows to rip of the new designs to be copied by mass-market retailers.<BR/><BR/><B>EE wrote:I don't usually associate a woman with the title of countess with living on a small homestead or having a sordid life.</B><BR/><BR/>Well, Baroness Karen von Blixen-Finecke (better known as Isak Dinesen) lived on a coffee farm in Kenya; she had a long-term affair with a white hunter, and her husband gave her syphilis.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-47542207404810713382008-08-04T22:50:00.000-04:002008-08-04T22:50:00.000-04:00Author: 150's version on the crapometer is good wi...Author: 150's version on the crapometer is good with one caveat. Add in something about Sophie and how she feels about Robert. <BR/><BR/>In all your versions, you're focusing heavily on the plot. You need a good plot, of course, but character trumps plot in romance for your query and synopsis. Like Writtenwyrdd, I don't get much feel for Sophie in any version regarding how she feels about Robert. There's mention of "reconciliation" and "to have Robert," but there's no set up for her wanting him. Or of how she feels when he returns. Is she pissed he's back? Torn about it? Where's the emotion?<BR/><BR/>You can post another version here, and don't forget to put up your beginning, too!Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10245333929083431322008-08-04T20:17:00.000-04:002008-08-04T20:17:00.000-04:00THanks, 150, for mentioning the crapometer. It's b...THanks, 150, for mentioning the crapometer. It's been ages since I remembered to check over there.<BR/><BR/>Poor author - had a better query over there before this one reached the page, and have no option but to take the beating over things you already fixed. I hope you learned enough about your writing tics (we all have 'em) that your rewrite goes well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46428933540348620202008-08-04T19:22:00.000-04:002008-08-04T19:22:00.000-04:00And there's a llama here who should be doing PhD s...And there's a llama here who should be doing PhD stuff....<BR/>hmmm.... Now, I don't know if EE's ever been used as an excuse for not doing homework, but I guess there's a first.<BR/>:-)Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82230623363078633542008-08-04T19:21:00.000-04:002008-08-04T19:21:00.000-04:00Hmm, there's a woman living in my house claiming t...<I>Hmm, there's a woman living in my house claiming to be my widow. And it's the same woman who recently sent me to my death. I think I'll play along with the gag and see what happens next.]</I> Cracked me up!<BR/><BR/><BR/>Sorry author, but I'm too confused to comment. My comments tend to be meaningless anyway. But if you had it on the crapometer, did you incorporate those suggestions? Maybe you should redo this one entirely and send it in as a new query. EE will come up with new jokes, and we'll be able to understand your book.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15473835689897485552008-08-04T18:05:00.000-04:002008-08-04T18:05:00.000-04:00WTF?WTF?Weshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03077791761104576436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32549386759379944122008-08-04T16:13:00.000-04:002008-08-04T16:13:00.000-04:00You lost me after para 2, I'm afraid.Your plot may...You lost me after para 2, I'm afraid.<BR/><BR/>Your plot may be involved but the query must be clear, which this isn't.<BR/><BR/>And was there a 5th para that you cut? There doesn't seem to be any sort of biog/summary.<BR/><BR/>Unify your terms of reference for characters and chop down to 3 paragraphs.Whirlochrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09846196906206886945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40757863928168304992008-08-04T15:57:00.000-04:002008-08-04T15:57:00.000-04:00Author, you could do a lot worse than use 150's ve...Author, you could do a lot worse than use 150's version, which was very clear.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61893241285471959832008-08-04T15:17:00.000-04:002008-08-04T15:17:00.000-04:00I said all I was going to say about this on the Cr...I said all I was going to say about this on the Crapometer thread: http://crapometer.blogspot.com/2008/07/query_23.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7978110406130726952008-08-04T15:11:00.000-04:002008-08-04T15:11:00.000-04:00"The Return of Martin Guerre" and it's modern rema..."The Return of Martin Guerre" and it's modern remake, "Sommersby" had a plot like this. The husband comes home and he's an impostor.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86045662959314801872008-08-04T14:45:00.000-04:002008-08-04T14:45:00.000-04:00I kept looking backwards to see if I'd missed some...I kept looking backwards to see if I'd missed something and forwards to see if my question would be answered. <BR/><BR/>The bit about him playing along with her ruse as widow is hard to accept. As EE mentioned, there may be tensions in the story that make this plot point easier to accept. If so, consider weasel-wording or de-emphasizing this part of the story and let the editor discover it if he/she asks for the ms.<BR/><BR/>It may be a minor point, but I wasn't sure whether your setting was the first or second Boer War. (EE assumed the first.) This might not matter in the query unless you're trying to hit a certain period for a romance publisher.<BR/><BR/>--Bill H.WouldBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384050055381698411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5632530911762494212008-08-04T14:35:00.000-04:002008-08-04T14:35:00.000-04:00Why is he incensed that she's playing the role of ...Why is he incensed that she's playing the role of his wife? didn't he just have a night of passion with her followed by a proposal of marriage? I think I'm not understanding who is who. Did the countess drive the exciting spy to death or did she drive some boring earl to death? Or are the exciting spy and the earl the same guy?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20213377702293115752008-08-04T14:13:00.000-04:002008-08-04T14:13:00.000-04:00Too cute and coy. It's a good story. Why obfusca...Too cute and coy. It's a good story. Why obfuscate it by referring to the same people with different names, in different contexts and times? A straightline rundown of the plot would be more effective.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88184378121424845202008-08-04T14:07:00.000-04:002008-08-04T14:07:00.000-04:00That might be the most confusing query letter ever...That might be the most confusing query letter ever to appear on EE. I have no idea if we were talking about twenty characters or three characters. I'm not sure, but I think we may have been going from past to present to future or, whatever. <BR/><BR/>Got to simplify this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52889371370149846242008-08-04T14:03:00.000-04:002008-08-04T14:03:00.000-04:00I agree it sounds like the plot of The Mummy or so...I agree it sounds like the plot of The Mummy or something similar, meaning it's outlandish, and for that to work, your query needs to have a sort of free-for-all fun tone as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63079391106815068482008-08-04T13:16:00.000-04:002008-08-04T13:16:00.000-04:00Of all the GTP's the real one sounds the worst. T...Of all the GTP's the real one sounds the worst. That isn't a good thing.<BR/><BR/>To be honest, I doubt I'd pick up a book with this plot because it sounds too implausible. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense the way you wrote it, and I'm speaking about the emotions. If this not dead hero falls for the woman impersonating his widow, I need to be hooked with an emotional reason why. So don't tell this stuff like a laundry list. Find the emotional pivot and hook us with that.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.com