tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post6149117180768181109..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 354Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59402003736572919442007-06-15T15:42:00.000-04:002007-06-15T15:42:00.000-04:00Ouch! (said enthusiastically!)Ouch! (said enthusiastically!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57562853803126233342007-06-14T17:23:00.000-04:002007-06-14T17:23:00.000-04:00Deb, I think most agents will understand when you ...Deb, I think most agents will understand when you mention the word count, and at the end that you can send a full manuscript, that the work is complete. I agree with Bernita that saying "recently completed" is unnecessary and kind of screams "enthusiastic amateur".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37531502913512385342007-06-14T14:10:00.000-04:002007-06-14T14:10:00.000-04:00Point taken - what i would like to work in is that...Point taken - what i would like to work in is that it's complete - although, i guess if i give a finished length, that's implied. suggestions?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10057742963789965382007-06-14T13:38:00.000-04:002007-06-14T13:38:00.000-04:00Deb, because (1) it's irrelevant( why would they c...Deb, because (1) it's irrelevant( why would they care if the completion is "recent?") and (2) "recent" may imply to them that in your enthusiasm you have rushed the revision process(see "who's").Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48667086199145713072007-06-14T12:50:00.000-04:002007-06-14T12:50:00.000-04:00GTP #1: When I saw the title, I immediately though...GTP #1: When I saw the title, I immediately thought Pokemon, too! <BR/><BR/>Deb:<BR/>When re-writing your query, try not to dilute the things about it that are the real hooks: your psychic MC and the Apache aspect. Suggest the historical elements. The query doesn't need to go into a full recounting. And tie Dulci more into the plot. My attempt to pull it together and tighten it up follows...<BR/><BR/>MURDER IN THE CARDS, a 100,000-word mystery with historical elements, pits psychic Dulci Ash against a supernatural killer in the White Mountain Apache Reservation of Arizona. <BR/><BR/>When [an outspokenly bigoted army captain] turns up murdered [in a hotel room on the reservation], investigators accuse [the last man seen arguing with him] -- Josh Burnett, [long-haired, tripped-out] son of an Apache medicine man known for his Machiavellian politics. Dulci's psychic ability however, "sees" quite another possibility: the return of Goyani, a nineteenth-century Apache insurrectionist responsible for the [Cibecue Rebellion], the last major battle of the Indian Wars. <BR/><BR/>Dulci can't rid herself of the image of Goyani vowing to resurrect four great Apache War Chiefs to lead the Apache people against their oppressors. But it takes the ranting of an octogenarian madman possessed by the spirit of Coyote, the Native American trickster and meddler, to help her uncover the chilling truth of how a legend, dead for 120 years, still has power to strike in defense of his people. <BR/> <BR/>Eight years as a psychologist on the Apache Reservation gives me unique insight into the modern Apache culture. Ten years in the editorial department of a weekly newspaper in Detroit gives me the skills for conducting fastidious historical research.<BR/><BR/>I would be glad to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript on your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76229224773249938572007-06-14T12:06:00.000-04:002007-06-14T12:06:00.000-04:00Bernita, you're going to have to explain that one ...Bernita, you're going to have to explain that one - I have no idea why you shouldn't tell an agent that the novel is recently completed, but I'm willing to learn. Also Twill - God bless you. Whose ever you are :)<BR/>debAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2794777754722282612007-06-14T09:21:00.000-04:002007-06-14T09:21:00.000-04:00I doubt it is wise to tell an agent you've "recent...I doubt it is wise to tell an agent you've "recently completed" your novel.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49981256978470392842007-06-14T07:45:00.000-04:002007-06-14T07:45:00.000-04:00I'll not be able to see Jack Lalanne again without...I'll not be able to see Jack Lalanne again without bursting into giggles. Why have you done this to me??Lyvviehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03660287093457746992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83338270938732318642007-06-13T21:18:00.000-04:002007-06-13T21:18:00.000-04:00an Apache medicine man who's Machiavellian politic...an Apache medicine man <I>who's</I> Machiavellian politics<BR/><BR/>WHO'S = <BR/> WHO IS<BR/><BR/>WHOSE = <BR/> BELONGING TO WHOMTwillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16254392137759837985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41736851783571021262007-06-13T19:22:00.000-04:002007-06-13T19:22:00.000-04:00hey, is it kosher to shamelessly appropriate evil ...hey, is it kosher to shamelessly appropriate evil editors description of my plot when I rewrite my query letter? I read it, and thought "damn, that sounds like a good book!"<BR/>debAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73809096017988274822007-06-13T18:30:00.000-04:002007-06-13T18:30:00.000-04:00If I take a look at where you started and where yo...If I take a look at where you started and where you ended up, I get confused. You start with a recent murder, a part-time psychic, and a supernatural killer. But you end with this: <I>No one knows how history might have changed if [Goyani] had remained alive long enough to complete the resurrection ceremony.</I><BR/><BR/>Are you saying that in your book, Goyani returns? Or does Vince do the resurrections? Or is some other supernatural killer on the loose, and all this other history somehow ties in?<BR/><BR/>A couple of simple errors: "Along with way" ... "who's Machiavellian politics"<BR/><BR/>The story sounds interesting in that regional sort of way. I'd probably look at a few pages to see whether I liked the writing or not. Hopefully it reads more like a mystery than a history...<BR/><BR/>verification word: <I>upfagipk</I><BR/>meaning: text message from a British guy who just dropped and retrieved a cigarette?PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55267412010100522032007-06-13T18:02:00.000-04:002007-06-13T18:02:00.000-04:00I like your premise, especially since your backgro...I like your premise, especially since your background will lend authenticity. I'd read this.<BR/><BR/>I'd ditch "come out of her shell" because you don't want a glaring cliche in your query. <BR/><BR/>These two sentences bumped me:<BR/><BR/>"A terrible battle ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him . . ." <BR/><BR/>Are there any battles which aren't terrible? Battle = death.<BR/><BR/>"Goyani ended up being murdered, hands tied behind his back, during the fight." --<BR/><BR/>What goes first, comes first. Goyani had his hands tied and then was murdered, right? Not so tragic if they're tied post-mortem.<BR/><BR/>Like others have said, I want to know how this history relates to the present-time murder. Beginning with, who was killed?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85420457748804186672007-06-13T17:45:00.000-04:002007-06-13T17:45:00.000-04:00Oh, I forgot to say. Sorry, but your title doesn't...Oh, I forgot to say. Sorry, but your title doesn't give justice to the way you described your book. Can't you work something 'Apache' into your title? <BR/>CheersChris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90271283419759889072007-06-13T17:35:00.000-04:002007-06-13T17:35:00.000-04:00Your query needs work, along the lines of what EE ...Your query needs work, along the lines of what EE and Dave suggested. But your book sounds fascinating. I'm praying that you write well, because this is definitely a book I would snap up.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Cheers,Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7384227359720191102007-06-13T16:39:00.000-04:002007-06-13T16:39:00.000-04:00Why does everyone have such a hard time with the '...Why does everyone have such a hard time with the 'regional' part of 'regional mystery?' its a real genre - Tony Hillerman being a prime example. Or. . . wait . . . is he the only one that calls it that? Is it some cruel joke on Hillerman's part designed to humiliate poor ignorant amateurs like me? And am i too old to get drafted into the Florida rythymless white guys?<BR/>debAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69624899292438544842007-06-13T16:04:00.000-04:002007-06-13T16:04:00.000-04:00A "regional mystery" ?Like what's that, dude, In P...A "regional mystery" ?<BR/>Like what's that, dude, In Poughkeepsie it's a round mystery but it Akron it's a tire? In Passaic it's a swamp, but in Union it's home to 5 bazillion immigrants?<BR/><BR/>I must say it - too many words. <BR/>You can simply say <I> " In 'Murder in the Cards,' a 100,000 word mystery set in the White Mountain Apache Reservation, Dulci Ash, part-time psychic and single mom, must defend Josh Barnett who is accused of murdering (insert name). Along the way, Dulci must contend with Josh's father, Vince and indian medicine man who believes he can reincarnate the fabled War Chiefs of Cibeque, evil spirits bent on revenge. </I><BR/><BR/>That's rough. It might even be the story. EE asks five very astute questions for you to answer. Point your arrow in that direction. Paint your wagon, and set out with your Corps of Discovery.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.com