tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5735068791106724606..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 720Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78364576813772486952010-01-20T13:47:43.118-05:002010-01-20T13:47:43.118-05:00I had one HUGE plausibility question from the star...I had one HUGE plausibility question from the start which killed this for me. If the Superhero Cell Anomaly goes undetected until it activates and kills the person, how does Tex know he has it and that it's about to go nova so he can take a vacation? <br /><br />Focus on the people and the main story line - Tex is trying to save the little girl - the rest is window dressing. But, it does sound like it could be a good story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12237518808756712176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18429335035199606532010-01-19T08:28:01.404-05:002010-01-19T08:28:01.404-05:00Much can be learned from EE's rewrite!
First,...Much can be learned from EE's rewrite!<br /><br />First, if you have a WTF disease that defies conventional science, best to leave out the particulars in the query. Over-describing bad science in a very non-technical way will likely not pass the dip test for agents who routinely deal with thrillers. It may work in the book after the appropriate setup, but given so much attention here on the query page, it kinda screams out at you (in that amateur sort of way).<br /><br />Second, describing characters by using sterotyping adjectives that mainly focus on their looks isn't necessary. The woman has beauty, brawn and brain and is intimidating to Tex, yet he's seduced by her beauty to help? That she's beautiful -- since we're told that twice -- is about all we know of this lady.<br /><br />Third, details don't take any more words in a query than vagueness, yet can mean the difference between a "yes" and a "no". Consider the redundancy in these two vague sentences: "...and she has colossal powers that need to be controlled. The little girl lost her memory, so she cannot control her own powers, threatening all of existence." Details help keep the query crisp.<br /><br />Fourth, don't get mired in the details. Especially the ones that don't matter. Tricky things, those devil-in-the-details details.<br /><br />I agree with Matthew that the premise is good. However, the writing itself needs to be tightened -- a lot; otherwise, I would worry that the actual ms would have the same flaws as the query. <br /><br />What I'd like to see discussed here sometime is focus and handling for plot-driven stories vs. character-driven ones. Is there a difference? Should there be?Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81988164465058567062010-01-19T02:45:56.699-05:002010-01-19T02:45:56.699-05:00I find the characters flat. Impossibly beautiful ...I find the characters flat. Impossibly beautiful woman, hot guy who is the stuff of female fantasies, kid with super powers out of control. (also not clear on why the loss of her memory means she can't control her powers.)Mother (Re)produces.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07685333905652373606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27975258534016050092010-01-18T20:23:20.138-05:002010-01-18T20:23:20.138-05:00Evil Editor is brilliant.
The only thing I can th...Evil Editor is brilliant.<br /><br />The only thing I can think to add - I didn't understand why the now-grown-up little girl's deadly superpowers were a big deal, since presumably they're burning her up too and she'll be gone soon too. ?Hannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13037479519704373942010-01-18T20:03:44.218-05:002010-01-18T20:03:44.218-05:00I think the part about the yen gallon hat betrays ...I think the part about the yen gallon hat betrays a fundamental misunderstanding. The hero's name is Tex Houston, but he is an Eskimo from a village sixty miles outside Anchorage. He does not have a ten gallon hat and does not know what spurs are. He also does not understand why people expect him to have a Texas accent.<br /><br />That is one reason all his cells are burning up.Steve Stubbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10051363877066768708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29063666316787465942010-01-18T16:59:42.717-05:002010-01-18T16:59:42.717-05:00This query felt a little all over the place. Ther...This query felt a little all over the place. There was a lot of information in the query, but not the information the reader needs. It needs to be tightened and have more of the right sort of information in it.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28847107034280464932010-01-18T13:40:56.273-05:002010-01-18T13:40:56.273-05:00I've been thinking about this for a while this...I've been thinking about this for a while this morning. First, I think that the title Superhero Cell Anomaly focuses the reader on the wrong thing. <br /><br />I remember the first season of the TV show HEROES and it was enjoyable because we were learning about all the characters thrown into new superpowers and personal struggles dealing with their families and the end of the world (or whatever you call that explosion). However, in subsequent seasons, all of the fun left the show because it got lost in the struggle for superpowers and technicalities. It's not the superpowers, it's the personal story of each characters that is important to the readers. <br /><br />And I think that is what is missing from your query. Tex Houston is going to die. Boo Hoo. But before he dies, he has to find that little girl he saved years ago because if not, she's going to destroy the world after he's dead. Pity!<br />That part of the query doesn't work for me as you can probably tell by all of the sarcastic wallow I'm enjoying. (sorry)<br /><br />What is the story behind Tex and the missing girl? Why are their paths crossing years later? Is it fate? Is it chance? What makes her so important to Tex? What compels him to save her? I think this is what is missing from your query. <br /><br />There is an old Edmund O'Brien film titled DOA that shouldn't work. It's a dumb plot of an affair that results in murder to cover up the illicit sex. And worse, the main character opens the film telling the audience that he's going to die and the entire story will take place in flashbacks. YIKES, is that boring and depressing. Who would watch that? But you see, that's not the real story we see on the screen. That's the basic plot but not the story. In his death the viewer comes to know the the man, his hopes, his dreams and most important his faults. <br /><br />Another film that functions like this is "Sunset Boulevard" which is about an aging actress shooting her n'er-do-well lover. That's the plot but that's not why we watch that movie. We watch because of the human tragedy in the story -- The aging actress who refuses to grow old, Joe Gillis' descent into a gigolo, his rejection of Betty and in the end, those characters break our hearts. <br /><br />I think that's the problem with your query. The real story, the emotional story has yet to be revealed. Whatever that interaction is between Tex and the girl with the superpowers is the story. <br /><br />Remember, we want to feel the characters. We want to love them. <br /><br />So I may be all wet with this but that's my 2 cents.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83221019827896687522010-01-18T13:35:53.852-05:002010-01-18T13:35:53.852-05:00I like the premise. It sounds like Crank only bett...I like the premise. It sounds like Crank only better.Matthewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79150855194248312632010-01-18T12:31:11.440-05:002010-01-18T12:31:11.440-05:00Oooh, nice rewrite. Concise and compelling summari...Oooh, nice rewrite. Concise and compelling summaries are hard, but so effective when done well.Gossip Cowgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12606755973767030017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71967867563855068432010-01-18T12:20:45.205-05:002010-01-18T12:20:45.205-05:00EE - words are your tools for sure. Would your wr...EE - words are your tools for sure. Would your write my query for me? (Just kidding but I had to ask).Bee Magic Chronicles for Kidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06818365668819339658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53849802121587620802010-01-18T10:51:21.458-05:002010-01-18T10:51:21.458-05:00I was so sure it was GTP #4!
Sorry I can't he...I was so sure it was GTP #4!<br /><br />Sorry I can't help, author, but EE's rewrite does look good.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.com