tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5503514544435023315..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 732Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49498444810044988302010-03-04T22:06:04.811-05:002010-03-04T22:06:04.811-05:00That would be a cool scene. I'm sure, being t...That would be a cool scene. I'm sure, being the Earth Queen and all, that she values her moss. Ripping it out would put an exclamation point on her fury and tell a little something about her character (She loses sight of what's important when she's angry). <br /><br />Anyway, I hope you keep it. I forget a lot of new beginnings right after they're posted, but I've still got that image from yours stuck in my head.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46462759273959426212010-03-04T17:27:49.892-05:002010-03-04T17:27:49.892-05:00Hey Matthew,
I'm thinking the same thing. I&#...Hey Matthew,<br /><br />I'm thinking the same thing. I'll work on finding a better place to start and repost. <br /><br />I like the hair woven into the moss too! It's weird and earthy and not something I've seen done before. But people are right. It is impractical. The Queen gets mad a bit later and rises from the throne, which would cause the moss to rip. Could be a nice scene actually, but I'm not sure it's worth it.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-404062255719226402010-03-03T19:18:40.408-05:002010-03-03T19:18:40.408-05:00Maybe you should start in the middle of the two op...Maybe you should start in the middle of the two openings. Perhaps as Elora is walking down the path that leads to the earth queen's throne?<br /><br />I guess I'm alone in this, but I liked the visual of hair being woven into the moss, simply because it was stuck in my head all day.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63698287865557276982010-03-03T19:05:00.013-05:002010-03-03T19:05:00.013-05:00Phoenix! I'm so happy to see you. Thanks for t...Phoenix! I'm so happy to see you. Thanks for the notes. I see what you mean about the water line. I think it mostly comes down to me trying to fit in too much about the Queen, instead of choosing a few good examples.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3911926526995682252010-03-03T18:42:51.248-05:002010-03-03T18:42:51.248-05:00Hi Chelsea. I actually like the writing in this, w...Hi Chelsea. I actually like the writing in this, with a few nits, but not for the opening. I felt like I needed to know something more about Elora before this scene.<br /><br />The nits:<br />I'm with the "hair being woven into the tree" crowd.<br /><br />The laugh simile doesn't quite work as you're comparing the <i>sound</i> to simply water, which by itself doesn't make much noise. I know you want some water symbolism in here since she's an earth Queen, so maybe compare the sound of her laughter to the sound of water. Just stay away from trite things like a babbling brook. Something more like "She laughed, the sound tumbling from her lips like the spill of snowmelt over a pebbled pond." Only not that.<br /><br />Another option for a less colloquial invitation: "Come, sit by me for a spell." That might even be more true, eh?<br /><br />As for the contin: Splutterific, John!!Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24741223182166119852010-03-03T16:17:33.577-05:002010-03-03T16:17:33.577-05:00Matthew, the original opening is on EE's blog ...Matthew, the original opening is on EE's blog here:<br /><br />https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=26791026&postID=2857293974762565587<br /><br />I think that ending starts too early, though, and leads the reader slowly through the Seelie Court rather than starting in the Queen's bower where the action happens. So to speak.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84369047317766065892010-03-03T00:53:41.165-05:002010-03-03T00:53:41.165-05:00I'm glad this isn't an opening; it feels t...I'm glad this isn't an opening; it feels too slow for that. Even so, I wouldn't mind if you racheted it up a notch. Can Elora be a little more active, nervous, whatever?<br /><br />Braiding her hair into the moss is weird: I don't get it. Ditto on the little hair pixie.<br /><br />This isn't bad; I'm just not getting pulled in.<br /><br />Thanks for the youtube link, EE; it makes the continuation even funner._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-4919608807286215952010-03-03T00:52:08.067-05:002010-03-03T00:52:08.067-05:00I'm not sure about this one. It's interest...I'm not sure about this one. It's interesting, but it feels trite in places.<br /><br />And with the hair braiding thing I too thought she was stuck to the tree...sorry.<br /><br />Also, there might have been too much passive writing. ;)<br /><br />Good things?<br /><br />It is clear there is a challenge headed Elora's way. This builds tension.<br /><br />You have a good start on creating an inviting atmosphere.<br /><br />The queen is intoxicating and menacing at the same time.<br /><br />However, this piece has to be tightened up and smoothed out! It's very messy.<br /><br />And the idea of anything, even laughter, tumbling out of a creature's mouth like any type of liquid is just yucky any way you pour it.<br /><br />Good luck. It's a great start.wendynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33521752456584671122010-03-03T00:26:18.364-05:002010-03-03T00:26:18.364-05:00Are you going to post the original opening?Are you going to post the original opening?Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40101373474349387832010-03-02T22:48:43.338-05:002010-03-02T22:48:43.338-05:00As Anna Russell once said -- The Only Earth Goddes...As Anna Russell once said -- The Only Earth Goddess I know is ERDA and she appears as a green torso sticking out of a stump in the ground with moss growing on her breasts...<br /><br />I think that was in Russell's 22 minute destruction (oops sorry, description) of The Ring of the Nibelungen. Here's part 1...<br /><a rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM15dEexiu0</a>Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90523514337864193142010-03-02T19:19:56.809-05:002010-03-02T19:19:56.809-05:00Perhaps Join me for a spell would serve your purpo...Perhaps Join me for a spell would serve your purpose without sounding like a Beverly Hillbilly.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61299144528609417642010-03-02T18:36:38.530-05:002010-03-02T18:36:38.530-05:00Hehehe. The continuation makes me giggle.
This wa...Hehehe. The continuation makes me giggle.<br /><br />This was kind of an experiment. The original opening begins several pages earlier, and the reader is really eased into the setting. I wanted things to begin closer to the action, but I think I've started things too late, giving readers no grounding.<br /><br />Dave, I actually like Lyndiria appearing to be part of the tree, but not in a completely literal way. Earthy, yes. Sprouting branches, no. <br /><br />EE, "Come and sit a spell" is definitely a pun on her part. Is it too cutesy?<br /><br />Matthew, I have never been told "under-described". I tend to err on the side of over-describing, purple prose. Now, to find the balance!<br /><br />Everyone has given great comments. Thanks for the help!Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-66208002363853754582010-03-02T17:55:22.520-05:002010-03-02T17:55:22.520-05:00I liked it, but I thought it was under-described.I liked it, but I thought it was under-described.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26206168137553047292010-03-02T13:57:37.135-05:002010-03-02T13:57:37.135-05:00I don't get a sense of place from this. Howeve...I don't get a sense of place from this. However, and unfortunately, I'm not one to read fairy stories. The little girls in my life never involved me in fairies books or movies. Unless you count Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book (which I discovered and took to them). <br /><br />To get to my point, perhaps this meeting is well understood by those who have knowledge of the Seelie Court and fairyland. I don't get a feeling of place or even of what the characters look like. I first thought that Lyndiria wss part of a tree. Then she settled on the gras and had wings. <br /><br />So I am confused and that might not be the author's fault.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1570105086107425332010-03-02T11:52:29.052-05:002010-03-02T11:52:29.052-05:00the pixies were braiding her hair into the moss of...the pixies were braiding her hair into the moss of the tree. I half expected that when she moved, her head would be jerked back and she would fall. Maybe it should be the moss being braided into the hair not the other way around. Just a thought. . .Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13681901449291648498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29128597470110203622010-03-02T10:31:27.752-05:002010-03-02T10:31:27.752-05:00Well DONE John! :DWell DONE John! :D150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50842164343424792842010-03-02T10:26:24.542-05:002010-03-02T10:26:24.542-05:00In case the continuation makes no sense to those f...In case the continuation makes no sense to those from foreign lands:<br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB6ZHMqhruUEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74480275150337135442010-03-02T09:59:29.576-05:002010-03-02T09:59:29.576-05:00Mad giggling fit at that continuation--bravo!!Mad giggling fit at that continuation--bravo!!Marissa Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11248406475808085694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27132893023133749152010-03-02T09:09:24.840-05:002010-03-02T09:09:24.840-05:00I'm not crazy about: Lyndiria laughed, the sou...I'm not crazy about: Lyndiria laughed, the sound tumbling from her lips like water.<br /><br />Smiling seems more in character than heavy laughter. And I don't think of laughter or water as tumbling.<br /><br />Also, Come and sit a spell strikes me as something Jed Clampett would say, not the Earth Queen. Okay, he'd say set a spell, but I'd expect her to say Come, sit with us or Come and rest or Come, bask in my aura, you miserable wretch.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91356325666029303892010-03-02T08:35:32.465-05:002010-03-02T08:35:32.465-05:00"A Seelie Posturepedic Morning."
Thank ..."A Seelie Posturepedic Morning." <br />Thank you. Sheer joy to read that line.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com