tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5213086724336635779..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 876Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53430354794173844662011-03-08T23:40:56.551-05:002011-03-08T23:40:56.551-05:00Do Alan and Ken know they write this way?
All ki...Do Alan and Ken know they write this way? <br /><br />All kidding aside, it is dangerous to compare your writing to anyone who is published. <br /><br />You love writing, you have energy. You need a little Ritalin to focus, then Valuum to take the edge off. <br /><br />Seriously, I quite enjoyed being swept along once I figured out from the comments what was happening. <br /><br />This was so not boring and lively. I suspect there's a writer buried in there under all those mixed up words somewhere. <br /><br />Cheers, go directly to Phoenix when you're ready.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18973862075346662312011-03-07T14:37:35.563-05:002011-03-07T14:37:35.563-05:00Was the Spy a street mime?
Okay, more seriously,...Was the Spy a street mime? <br /><br />Okay, more seriously, what do these characters' pasts have to do with the story? I get that Kast being an ex-boxer means he's tough and used to taking punishment, but how does that feature in the events of the story? If he's like a Dick Francis hero who keeps going with multiple fractures, maybe you should bring out how he does that. And if the Spy's street performer background relates somehow to the plot (he wears whiteface to camouflage himself in the snowbound train?) you might want to bring that out somehow.<br />Their backgrounds are slightly interesting of themselves, but wasted words in the query if you don't follow up.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75191572684615480182011-03-05T10:08:55.502-05:002011-03-05T10:08:55.502-05:00OK, I get that the author wrote a literary suspens...OK, I get that the author wrote a literary suspense and might have two different queries for the novel: one that targets the suspense market, one the literary. This is the literary one, so the author is sacrificing the suspense to character and voice. I find (re)writing queries for literary works the most challenging. <br /><br />In theory, the structure here, I think, works if the author substitutes a couple of concrete details: "kills his best buddy" instead of "turns intensely personal," for example.<br /><br />In reality, though, while the <i>structure</i> may work, my presumption is that the voice and style of the query match that in the novel -- and the imprecision of the language is too off-putting in the query to entice me to want to read more of the same. Words are our friends. Let's treat them kindly. <br /><br />EE and others have pointed out many of the confusions already, and I echo them, along with:<br /><br />Why would anyone "confront" a chance? <br /><br />Between the two careers Rich has had, why would he want to "resurrect" either? And what part of "himself" is he wanting to resurrect, since he is who he is now. As written, "resurrect himself" doesn't really make sense. And how does one resurrect a career while struggling against ambition? So, is "resurrect" being used imprecisely, or is it the things he might resurrect at fault?<br /><br />Why is it an "either/or" option, rather than: "grasps at the chance to resurrect the humanity beaten out of him in the boxing ring a decade before and spat on by the petty criminals he's worked to take off the streets since"?<br /><br />"Similar societal outcasts" implies they are outcasts for similar reasons. <br /><br />I'm not clear which character seeks redemption and which retribution. Rich seems the logical choice for redemption, but nothing in the Spy's description cries retribution. If I rely on parallel sentence structure to help me out, the one seeking "redemption" is the same who possesses "acumen" and "guile" -- therefore, the Spy wants redemption and Rich wants retribution. Is that right?<br /><br />GTP #6: Hehe.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70904588650026297952011-03-04T14:35:50.203-05:002011-03-04T14:35:50.203-05:00"That's like Lex Luthor choosing Charlie ..."That's like Lex Luthor choosing Charlie Sheen as his adversary."<br /><br />I've laughed so hard and long at this that my neighbors are likely calling a mental hospital as we speak.<br /><br />I agree with 150. This query tries way too hard to try and sound intellugunt. Is this set in "modern day" (a term used in your query) or in WWII? Why are their German spies?<br /><br />Start over. You told us who your character is. What does he want? What are his obsticles toward him attaining his goal/s? What happens if he doesn't achieve them?<br /><br />BTW, I consider myself a modern-day Prospero but that's only because I have 7 of the 9 letters in my last name.Stephen Prosapiohttp://www.facebook.com/stephenprosapionoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28277582352929170032011-03-04T00:55:22.197-05:002011-03-04T00:55:22.197-05:00I write a cover letter for each short story submis...I write a cover letter for each short story submission I send out and in it, I have a sentence to a paragraph about each story. It is very similar to a query letter but shorter. There's over a hundred of these letters on my hard drive. <br /><br />Each time I send out a story, I try to condense what is special about the story to a few words. Sometimes it can be done in one line. Other times it takes four or five sentences. <br /><br />For instance: <br /><br /><i>This is the story of two men, one a spy who depends on slick lies and deceptions to create chaos and terror in the enemy and the second a broke-down policeman and ex-boxer trying to reset his life. They play a cat a mouse game of spy versus spy as bombs fall in London during the Blitz. </i><br /><br />That's the kernel of your story (I think. I'm not sure.) It's surely not enough to sell a novel but it's the basis what could be your query. <br /><br />I"m also not sure what makes this a suspense novel. The Blitz is a well known historical episode. It was a horrific event and books have been written about it. It's a rich and story-filled event. However, I would have to read up more about the Blitz and Scapa Flow and the North Sea. (That was your opening, wasn't it?)<br /><br />Let me say something more about how you might sell this. A number of years ago I read David L. Robbins's novel "The War of the Rats" and it was a duel between two snipers, one Russian, one German during the siege of Leningrad in 1942. It is a harrowing story of a very personal battle between two men. And the backdrop is one of the cruelest and most inhumane sieges of WW2. It's worth looking at how that novel is described for ideas.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60689467887336544842011-03-03T18:17:12.126-05:002011-03-03T18:17:12.126-05:00It seems likely that agents who represent literary...It seems likely that agents who represent literary narratives will not be aware of Ken Follett, early or late. If it's litfic, sell it as litfic; if it's a thriller, sell it as a thriller.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27196823571512142042011-03-03T17:25:01.591-05:002011-03-03T17:25:01.591-05:00"Stubborn but bruised . . . Beguiling but fra..."Stubborn but bruised . . . Beguiling but fractured." I'd change these up. A person can be stubborn <i>and</i> bruised, beguiling <i>and</i> fractured. The "buts" have me doing unnecessary mental switchbacks. In addition, the front-loading of adjectives is tiresome by pass #2.<br /><br />I guess I think in grooves, but I thought this beguiling creature was female until you got to the pronoun. Maybe that's your intention -- another mental switchback -- but I might make it clear up front.<br /><br />Also, you say the Spy "disappears without a trace." Lo, there he is in the very next sentence, courtesy of an unannounced change in perspective.<br /><br />I have the feeling the book is better than the query, and that you need to relax your pen and your brain and retell this in a more straightforward manner. As an exercise, try doing it without any non-essential adjectives, an essential one being, for instance, <i>military</i> intelligence. I'm mentally deleting the adjectives as I re-read it and that right there is an improvement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54531268955228610932011-03-03T15:00:35.405-05:002011-03-03T15:00:35.405-05:00I have no idea what is going on. I therefore suspe...I have no idea what is going on. I therefore suspect that in the book nobody knows what's going on either. Like watching a tennis match in pitch darkness, that gets awfully tedious awfully fast.<br /><br />I further suspect the recognition-craving modern Prospero explains everything in an insane outburst just before he loses the game. That's a tremendous cliche, and the fact that I have this suspicion does not bode well for your book.<br /><br />A good query should tell me about your book in such a way that I want to read it. This doesn't.<br /><br />You obviously enjoy using language, but your words should lead me down a path, and sometimes they throw me out of the scene entirely. "Richard Kast confronts a final chance to resurrect ..." Really? How can he know it's his final chance? He's still alive, he still has chances. And later, "machinations by rival superiors" and both characters being "horribly deceived" just made me want to laugh.Adelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08790958029798438793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62761098116598944172011-03-03T13:47:44.558-05:002011-03-03T13:47:44.558-05:00Seems to be written in code. This is no mistake...Seems to be written in code. This is no mistake. You're working hard to declarify the message for a reason, right? Meet me behind the palm fronds. The password is RED RUM.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37574064346934806622011-03-03T13:25:46.157-05:002011-03-03T13:25:46.157-05:00If the characters' backgrounds are important, ...If the characters' backgrounds are important, then you need to be less vague about them. Why does Kast have a choice between resurrecting either his career or "himself"? What are the ambition, endemic dishonesty, and machinations by rival superiors that he's struggling with? What turns his pursuit of the spy intensely personal? Aside from catching the spy, what does this guy want?<br /><br />What cruel realities of street performing shaped the Spy? How does he become aware of Kast in order to pick him as his archnemesis? <br /><br />Why are these two characters seeking redemption and retribution? (I think I know which is which, but the fact that I'm having doubts is further evidence that this query needs to get more specific.) Is Kast's best friend at all important, or is he just around to spout some philosophical dialogue and kill the momentum of the final confrontation on the train?<br /><br />I don't love the title, but it's hard to judge whether or not it works with the story just from this query.<br /><br />If you take EE's advice and refocus the query on the duel, then everything you say about the characters should relate to what they stand to win or lose and what assets each one has that make them worthy competitors.Ink and Pixel Clubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00023898860226517591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32160210864367493792011-03-03T13:24:10.529-05:002011-03-03T13:24:10.529-05:00WHAT
HAP
PENS
???
GAH.WHAT<br />HAP<br />PENS<br />???<br /><br />GAH.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48273748223045885162011-03-03T11:50:47.202-05:002011-03-03T11:50:47.202-05:00Totally different book, but since the other book w...Totally different book, but since the other book was sort of fricking HUGE, your protag's name reminded me instantly of Richard Katz, fwiw.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com