tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5204034649171901515..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 665Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90734497133253753942009-08-18T22:42:44.550-04:002009-08-18T22:42:44.550-04:00You don't tell us much about Angi, but if the ...You don't tell us much about Angi, but if the book is called "Office Magic" then you really need to have Angi work at the office, 'cause that's where the magic should happen.<br /><br />Baiting:<br />4. To attack or torment, especially with persistent insults, criticism, or ridicule.<br />5. To tease.<br /><br />Any guy who is still doing this to attract you never got out of Grade 10. Drop him and run.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19548435385738679082009-08-18T19:30:55.071-04:002009-08-18T19:30:55.071-04:00Too much office politics & not enuf magic, in ...Too much office politics & not enuf magic, in my humble opinion. In particular I don't know why the protagonist isn't more powerful. she does Too much reading & not enuf taking action for my taste. See the gtps for more urban fantasy kickass type office magic protagonist chicks & their wildly impossible plots. This sounds like maybe you are trying to be too realistic. Or maybe you aimed it at some specific niche of the romance market, which I just don't know because it's not my genre.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63510059015416337962009-08-18T19:06:06.448-04:002009-08-18T19:06:06.448-04:00I was banging my head on the desk, too. More kudos...I was banging my head on the desk, too. More kudos on the great attitude. The problems have been pointed out so I'll just slither out of here...Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62337356936364567152009-08-18T18:48:40.391-04:002009-08-18T18:48:40.391-04:00I'm glad to see that the comments are making y...I'm glad to see that the comments are making you focus on the good stuff in the story. As for the agents who you want to know about the content, "Contains explicit sex" is sufficient explanation. It's like a smoker's warning.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63350204578586687962009-08-18T18:32:22.686-04:002009-08-18T18:32:22.686-04:00Sotia,
You've got a great attitude and a great...Sotia,<br />You've got a great attitude and a great grasp of how to whip this into shape. The minions are pulling for you.Weshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03077791761104576436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89399609464224197072009-08-18T18:14:31.821-04:002009-08-18T18:14:31.821-04:00Dave (part II):
Lexi and Angi have been friends si...Dave (part II):<br />Lexi and Angi have been friends since school.<br />Lexi is aware that Angi is a wiccan, but doesn't believe she can actually do spells.<br />Edmund recognizes Lexi as the girl in the novel.<br /><br />Sarah:<br />Edmund doesn't hate Lexi's guts; he has issues with her because he believes she's underutilized and that she's enjoying slacking off. I know I totally skipped that. It's the problem with being too close to something: you take things as self-explanatory, just because they're clear in your head.<br /><br />I should mention Angi sooner. She's the one who cast the spell that created the site, even though she doesn't know it from the start (it's not a plot hole, I swear).Sotiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365324867662711473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71176602437384239262009-08-18T18:08:38.589-04:002009-08-18T18:08:38.589-04:00EE: Once I stopped banging my head on the desk and...EE: Once I stopped banging my head on the desk and mumbling, "What was I thinking?" I realized I have to thank you. Being the one who wrote this, I glossed over parts of the plot that--to me--seemed self-explanatory without realizing they really aren't that way for readers. OK, maybe I'll bang my head on the desk once more. Also, the first part of a query was because a specific e-publisher was asking for queries to include the level of sex description. I have no clue as to why I left that in the version I sent you, or why I spelled things different ways. It's not something I do usually. Thank you for your notes. I will revise the query and get back to you with something--hopefully--more decent. <br /><br />Dominique: You're absolutely right, thank you.<br /><br />Anonymous: In my silliness, I didn't explain something right. Edmund doesn't want to get her fired; he doesn't believe she's utilized to the extent of her abilities in her current position, but Lexi hears part of what he's told her stepdad and gets the whole thing wrong. When she realizes he knows about the novel and believes he's written it, she's afraid to do something about it, since she's been reading it for so long. As for the sex part, she's at a point in life when she's convinced meaningless sex is all she can get and all she can handle. I have to find a way to better phrase that and include it to the query. Oh, and the site was created by magic, through a vague spell Angi cast.<br /><br />Wes: Tehehehe. I gots respect :D<br /><br />Dave: Actually, all of my family and friends know what I've written/I'm writing (The family doesn't ask to read that way). The first part of the query was for a specific e-publisher that wanted to know how explicit the sex scenes were. I shouldn't have put it in this version. <br /><br />I love your summary of the story. It's actually pretty accurate (with the exception that Angi has stepped in before Lexi and Edmund even met) and way better worded than mine :)<br /><br />Thank you all very much,<br /><br />SotiaSotiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03365324867662711473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91932509702245030402009-08-18T17:01:15.887-04:002009-08-18T17:01:15.887-04:00This seems like an interesting idea, but there'...This seems like an interesting idea, but there's a lot of plot jumps. Seeing as your entire story hangs on Edmund hating Lexi's guts, you really need to give us some idea why he's going out of his way to get her fired.<br /><br />And I'm not sure where magic comes in. Other than the fact that Angi knows the names of Lexi and Edmund's alter egos, there's nothing that terribly mystical going on here.Sarah from Hawthornenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59074092146594191342009-08-18T16:53:50.082-04:002009-08-18T16:53:50.082-04:00Part two, thanks to clicking the wrong button.
L...Part two, thanks to clicking the wrong button. <br /><br /><i>Lexi meets Edmund. Hates him. Discovers she loves his alter ego Rex. They battle. They have torrid sex and when they are about to break up, Angie steps in and does her magic.</i><br /><br />This is Taming of the Shrew or Kiss me Kate or any one of a dozen stories about lovers who start out fighting and end up happily married. Good plot. <br /><br />A few questions: <br />Are Lexi and Angie friends before she meets Edmund? <br />Is Lexi aware of Angie's magic? <br />Does Edmund recognize Lexi as the girl in the novel?<br /><br />The query needs to be about these three people and how they go from strangers to happily married and Witch-of-Honor at the altar.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67718055412655064152009-08-18T16:06:14.317-04:002009-08-18T16:06:14.317-04:00It sounds like you have a friend or family member ...It sounds like you have a friend or family member that you are worried about reading your sex scenes. My suggestion is put that worry aside. <br /><br />Edmund and Lexi are going to fall in love or at least have a torrid affair. If they aren't gong to get together (since you seem to say that they are destined to be lovers) unless Lexi's Wiccan friend nudges her, then that's the story. <br /><br />Lexi meets Edmund. Hates him. Discovers she loves his alter ego Rex. They battle. They have torrid sex and when they are about to break up, Angie steps in and does her magic.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70278232283182730472009-08-18T15:16:33.993-04:002009-08-18T15:16:33.993-04:00Oh, EE, you've still got it.
"To hell wi...Oh, EE, you've still got it.<br /><br />"To hell with the plot; is the sex explicit?"<br /><br />"2nd use of the word enamored, and 2nd spelling as well."<br /><br />Actually I agree with Mark Twain. I can't respect a person who can only spell a word one way.<br /><br />Thanks for the chuckle.Weshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03077791761104576436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7315927266665434902009-08-18T14:37:04.889-04:002009-08-18T14:37:04.889-04:00"and throughout the manuscript there are exce..."and throughout the manuscript there are excerpts of a sexual nature from a book that the leading lady is reading. That book is also written by me, but not published."<br /><br />This is not necessary. Obviously you are the writer who wrote the sex scenes in the book your MC is reading. <br /><br />Here is a plot problem - <br /><br />Thinking Lexi is enamored with him and has written the novel, he's forced to come to terms with his feelings for her; feelings he's been denying and hiding out of respect for her stepfather. <br /><br />Most people who have crushes on others don't try to get them fired. True story - I have a friend who had a secret crush on a co-worker, he finally worked up the nerve to tell her - she got him fired for sexual harassment. (He got his job back 6 months later when she left the company). So - what is my point - Edmund, having discovered Lexi's book can get her fired for sexual harassment (maybe) and reading porn at work. (most definately) Even if her stepfather is the supervisor a good old fashion sexual harassment lawsuit often is thicker than marital blood. <br /><br />"Finally giving into his attraction to Lexi, he starts baiting her," Do you mean flirting? What does this mean? Do you mean he starts acting like Rex to get her attention?<br /><br />She becomes convinced he wrote the porn - now she can get him fired for sexual harassment. <br /><br />She has been hurt before so sex is okay but what? She's not going to marry him or let him move in? Introduce him to her pet snake? I mean come on - even a little sex is going to make someone vulnerable - she couldn't just agree to have lunch with him and make him pay every time - that's better than casual sex. <br /><br />If the last paragraph is as important to the plot as it seems it is - why is it the last paragraph? So who did write the site? was it Angi or magic? <br /><br />I agree about the explicit sex part of the book - that will be known purely by the fact you have done your research and know who to send it to. Tell the reader more about the plot instead. <br /><br />Anyway my too many coppers. <br /><br />vkwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3589297138357147722009-08-18T12:03:02.034-04:002009-08-18T12:03:02.034-04:00I'd recommend dropping the paragraph about the...I'd recommend dropping the paragraph about the explicit sex. If they request pages, they'll figure it out as they are reading. Also, you can make an effort not to query agents who don't represent works with explicit sex. Either way, it's not something to lead with in the query. Use that space for making more sense of the plot of the book.<br /><br />You don't need to mention what the book has elements of. The reader should be able to figure that out on their own. You're talking office romance and a hint of magic. I think that narrows it down.<br /><br />Since the title references magic, you might want to include the Wiccan a bit more. It seemed like you cut her section short, because you ran out of room. However, since the title indicates magic is important to the book, that is not the place to be skimpy on the info.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.com