tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5195654953834050341..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Synopsis 53Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75310264662779279102016-09-03T11:41:55.881-04:002016-09-03T11:41:55.881-04:00This is a really minor point, but because synopses...This is a really minor point, but because synopses need to be concise, it can be useful to introduce characters in action. Rather than giving a whole sentence to saying "Zuleia is the youngest daughter of the vizier" and then saying what she does in the plot, get into the plot and explain characters as they enter, within the sentence. "Hearing of the vizier's danger, his youngest daughter Zuleia sends her fleet to lift the blockade."batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-44493235590484608362016-09-01T22:10:49.103-04:002016-09-01T22:10:49.103-04:00“ZUHAIR is the youngest son of ZORAB. Zorab is kin... “ZUHAIR is the youngest son of ZORAB. Zorab is king of Azaria, and has two older sons other than Zuhair. “<br /><br />You mention Zorab and Zuhair twice, and say Zuhair is the youngest twice. This is a synopsis. It has to be more compact.<br /><br />I would have said, “ZUHAIR is the youngest of the three sons of ZORAB, king of Azaria.” <br />Wham. Bam. Done.<br /><br />“They march through the countryside but are spotted by a team of Azarian spies who believe they are rebels from Katraden taking advantage of the cults [cult's] rebellion to invade Azaria.” <br />This is a serious bunch of clauses strung together. You used five prepositions in one sentence. This sort of thing can get confusing. Make sure you don't lose sight of your subject and object. <br /><br />“This misconception is caused because...” Caused because? <br /><br /> “The spies manage to relay this information to Zorab after creating a diversion in the cult camp in the capital, fighting a vicious battle with the cultists surrounding the gate and racing towards the castle gates later.” <br />I really don't know what's going on here. There's a diversionary tactic, a battle, then “racing toward the gates,” which sounds like you're trying to say “rushing the gates,” which won't work if the gates are closed. At some point Zorab receives information. <br /><br />This synopsis is confusing, partly because of all the place names and strange names being used so close together. You have to stop and think which one is Zohair, Zorab or Frajor and which country or city is which. Try to find a way to take it easier on the names.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19499101022234042442016-09-01T07:11:30.635-04:002016-09-01T07:11:30.635-04:00Thanks for yet another critique, EE. I will use th...Thanks for yet another critique, EE. I will use the shortened version with a few edits to include Zorab's will has been burnt by Ghoril. Thanks for answering my questions and thanks everyone for the advice. <br /><br />EE, thank you. I hope I learn from this.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16004324302753143920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-59249430732820008902016-08-31T10:49:19.257-04:002016-08-31T10:49:19.257-04:00@Mister Furkles
David Gemmell was well known for ...@Mister Furkles<br /><br />David Gemmell was well known for his fantasy novels which didn't involve much in the way of magic or fantastical creatures. There are plenty of other authors as well. This book would be classified as fantasy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46629036706655400812016-08-31T08:25:10.865-04:002016-08-31T08:25:10.865-04:00I'm not well versed in writing synopsises, but...I'm not well versed in writing synopsises, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.<br /><br />The beginning is very name heavy, and reminds me of info-dumping. To simplify, I would start with the meat of your story, which to me seems like when the younger son gets word of the cult invasion. (I can't remember which name goes where.) Only name the others as needed to unfold the storyline. <br /><br />Also, does the cult have a name? While dropping some character names, I think adding the cult name may be an intriguing detail. <br /><br />Good luck with revisions. Synopsises are difficult. Don't give up. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14766990436818121472016-08-31T00:47:18.675-04:002016-08-31T00:47:18.675-04:00Author, do you know how your novel, when finished,...Author, do you know how your novel, when finished, will be shelved in a bookstore? It doesn't seem to be fantasy because there is no magic nor any fantastic creatures. It certainly is not historical fiction. It may be difficult to find a publisher unless it is clear how the book can be classified. <br /><br />If you rewrite taking the advice of EE, Anon, and I&PC, consider making it a fantasy book by including either some wizards or some fantastic creatures. <br /><br />Who but fantasy readers would be interested in this kind of novel? I may be off base and EE may correct me if there is some genera of this kind. <br /><br />Join a good crit group. There are some online. Remember that writing is a craft that can be learned with practice. <br /><br />Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80172677363780189982016-08-30T11:53:06.503-04:002016-08-30T11:53:06.503-04:00The problem here is, I'm paying more attention...The problem here is, I'm paying more attention to writing errors and awkward language use than I am to your summary of the story. If this is representative of the way the book is written, it is not ready for publication.<br /><br />If you send it out, remember that anyone who wants you to give them money up front is not a legitimate agent. Agents get money after they sell your work. When the publisher pays you, they get a portion of that money.<br /><br />Working on a second book is only going to help you if the second book is a complete story by itself, without either the first book or the third to support it. Ditto for the third book. That being said, working on a second or third book that does work as a stand alone novel is more practice writing, so go for it.<br /><br />Read more, write more, and keep improving your skills. You will eventually get there.<br /><br />As for the synopsis, I think you have most of the information you need. It could be stated a bit clearer and be better organized. You also occasionally have an unnecessary level of detail. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-891044613980047712016-08-30T11:47:25.177-04:002016-08-30T11:47:25.177-04:00Splitting the story into multiple books may be a g...Splitting the story into multiple books may be a good idea, but we still need a satisfying story arc in this book. Even if it did somehow end with Zuhair being crowned king, I'm not sure it would be enough. The problem in every draft I've seen so far is that there's no sense of Zuhair growing or changing over the course of the story. He's a good, noble, brave, strong, prince at the beginning and a good, noble, brave, strong prince at the end. If he doesn't have to learn and work to solve his problems, then it's not a very interesting story, no matter how many battle scenes there are.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29967369741842656862016-08-30T10:59:08.077-04:002016-08-30T10:59:08.077-04:00I'm sorry to tell you that your writing is sim...I'm sorry to tell you that your writing is simply not of professional quality yet. If English is not your native language, write in your native language. If English is your native language, take some writing classes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com