tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5178466790761309543..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 396Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22387264757309196842007-08-09T15:45:00.000-04:002007-08-09T15:45:00.000-04:00who arranges a stabile lifePicky, picky, picky, bu...<I>who arranges a stabile life</I><BR/><BR/>Picky, picky, picky, but important - I think you meant <I>stable</I>.<BR/><BR/><I>stands against the typhoon</I><BR/><BR/>I'm guessing this means something like becoming one with the typhoon in some way (maybe like a Vulcan mind meld?). You might want to make it clearer as to how she accomplishes this.<BR/><BR/>This sounds quite interesting, as I enjoy reading about different cultures, and it's kind of weird that I read this today, after seeing a M*A*S*H episode on this exact same subject. I think focusing on Mai would be a lot more interesting than focusing on George (except through Mai's eyes; this really feels like Mai's story).<BR/><BR/>Good job!<BR/><BR/>~NancyNancy Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06214579721075450777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39246940795763720832007-08-09T08:30:00.000-04:002007-08-09T08:30:00.000-04:00Pacatrue, Kira Kira is one of my favorite Newbery ...Pacatrue, Kira Kira is one of my favorite Newbery novels. What a great suggestion! However, the setting is entirely in the U.S., and how the family tries to cope living in a new country.<BR/><BR/>BTW, Takoda is now completely morphed into Church Lady. ;-)<BR/><BR/>Cheers,Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18084839424005852342007-08-09T07:01:00.000-04:002007-08-09T07:01:00.000-04:00Author said:I also meant to say that this story ha...Author said:<BR/>I also meant to say that this story has an evil editor, but there is only One True Evil Editor (OTEE), which is he who rules this forum, lest any unworthies forget.WouldBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384050055381698411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69799225007031705492007-08-09T02:52:00.000-04:002007-08-09T02:52:00.000-04:00Before I forget the author, wouldbe, might be inte...Before I forget the author, wouldbe, might be interested in <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Kira-Kira-Cynthia-Kadohata/dp/0689856407/ref=pd_bbs_5/002-4489584-2922439?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1186641082&sr=8-5" REL="nofollow">Kira Kira</A> by Cynthia Kadohata, which won the Newbery Award for 2005. It's Japanese-American, which may not be the same thing as Amerasian and also younger than your target market, but still. I mostly mention it to indicate that people in the U.S. are increasingly interested in Asian American experiences for kids, and I think there is a market for this story if the author can hit it the right way.<BR/><BR/>I like the query overall. My main issue is that Mai is getting lost when George shows up. He starts doing things to help her, but what she wants; i.e., her goal in the story, is disappearing. I am guessing that you continue switching points of view, and so there is more to know about her. I'm also focusing on her as you indicate this is a YA novel, and so I am guessing that Mai's story is the main story. George may become the most important relationship for her, but it's still about her. George is important because of his effect on her life.<BR/><BR/>In short, perhaps you can recast George's section in the query to be more about Mai's perspective. She is with Mother Agnes and... what? Finds some peace, but George comes and messes it up? Still wants something and George pops up who she slowly comes to believe may help her achieve her goal? Is the main issue for this section of the book developing trust between the two? You mention cross-cultural humor, so I am guessing they don't get each other for a long time in amusing ways.<BR/><BR/>I had a friend back in high school who lived in the Phillipines. He would travel on most vacations to work in Thai refugee camps of some sort. He never spoke much of them, but I know that you could tease him about anything you wanted, but you could never tease him about the camps or the picture of a girl there he kept on his wall. It reminded me of my grandfather who never discussed his experiences as a doctor in WWII....<BR/><BR/>Yeah, you have a great story to tell. Make us love Mai and let George earn our respect through her.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28438130220606760312007-08-09T00:21:00.000-04:002007-08-09T00:21:00.000-04:00The historical setting is Vietnam after the fall o...<I>The historical setting is Vietnam after the fall of Saigon in 1975.</I><BR/><BR/>Jeez is 1975 considered historical? Now I feel old. I prefer to think of the time and events as historic, but (relatively) contemporary. I don't even think of <I>Carrie's War</I> as being an Historical Novel.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88419968463192311452007-08-08T23:43:00.001-04:002007-08-08T23:43:00.001-04:00I thought this was a pretty good query. I did feel...I thought this was a pretty good query. I did feel a little bogged down in the first paragraph--there's a lot of information that's important to the novel, presumably, but maybe not to the query. <BR/><BR/>I suggest keeping the query (and probably the novel, if it's YA, unless it has the potential to cross over into the adult market) in one point of view. Tell George's backstory to give him color, but begin when Mai meets him and give her spin on it. (That might allow for some humor, even). <BR/><BR/>I found it odd that in a YA novel, you didn't give Mai's perspective on George or his plan at all. Does she want to go with him? Does she trust him? And how about her perspective on Sister Agnes? YA novels, as a rule, aren't about adults except as they are perceived by the character the readers relate to.Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16745786643511417426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13141902571642815272007-08-08T23:43:00.000-04:002007-08-08T23:43:00.000-04:00The historical setting is Vietnam after the fall o...The historical setting is Vietnam after the fall of Saigon in 1975. Amerasian children were reviled as impure, less than real citizens, and worse. So as the evacuation started, the USA hauled many Vietnamese out of the country. After that, any Vietnamese who worked with the Americans was "reeducated" in the communist style. <BR/>Mixed race children were always looked down on and may still be. These are countries with astoundingly different sensibilities than we ever experience. You and I are good people, we would never take the sins of the parents out on the children, We Would never abandon children. we would never throw them out away to beg food on the street. But back in 1975, after years of war, after a shameful defeat, Amerasian children were not welcome additions to families. The marked the woman as "collaborator" or "sympathizer" and a stain on the purity so loved by communists. <BR/><BR/>That same April, just a few days earlier than Saigon, the Khmer Rouge entered Phnom Penh and slaughetered the democratically elected leadership and their families. We all know this as the start of the "Killing Fields" ...<BR/><BR/>There was sufficient history to propel this story.<BR/><BR/>But on these sad comments, I hope the author writes a novel filled with humor. Why? Simple. Because this portion of history is so sad, humor will make it bearable. <BR/><BR/><I>Teak is what my dining room table is made from. Tweak is what you do to an editor or name a character on South Park. The finger missed a keystroke. </I>Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10507181484374678062007-08-08T22:59:00.000-04:002007-08-08T22:59:00.000-04:00The author said:EE, thank you. I've over-sold the ...The author said:<BR/><BR/>EE, thank you. I've over-sold the humor. It is more like comic relief of the self-deprecating or cross-cultural sort. And in trying to illustrate the alternating structure of the story in the query, the real story is muddled.<BR/><BR/>Dave's comments were appreciated. There is nothing sordid, so that must be clear. Mai is 14-15 during the course of the story. George loves his Evil Editor but sees Mai as someone needing and deserving help. Dave's idea about helping restore the village is quite good.<BR/><BR/>There were many useful hints by the others as well. Thanks all.WouldBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17384050055381698411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34003972766361730362007-08-08T20:32:00.000-04:002007-08-08T20:32:00.000-04:00It's YA Historical? I didn't really get a "histori...It's YA Historical? I didn't really get a "historical" vibe from the query...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81317205224727142192007-08-08T20:15:00.000-04:002007-08-08T20:15:00.000-04:00Mai stands against the typhoon to learn if rain co...<I>Mai stands against the typhoon to learn if rain controls her life as it seems.</I><BR/><BR/>I don't see anything to make it seem that rain might control her life. Not even the maternal myth makes it <I>seem</I> like rain controls her life. There would need to be more evidence than simply her odd behaviour in a typhoon. Typhoons are not uncommon in SE Asia, and lots of people have their stability shattered by them.<BR/><BR/>Not sure what it means to "teak" a newspaper editor?<BR/><BR/>The hopelessly single guy travelling to SE Asia and wanting to take the girl home with him...? Might need a little more explanation about motive there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84434697382389330562007-08-08T17:26:00.000-04:002007-08-08T17:26:00.000-04:00I think Dave hit it right on the money. The way yo...I think Dave hit it right on the money. The way you've got the query now, it seems like George is the protagonist and Mai is the impetus that changes him to a better person. If Mai is the main character, then you need to focus more on those bits of the story that are intriguing - the rain myth and what she did during the typhoon that makes her a "story" for George. I would also cut out a lot of what you have in that first paragraph and keep it simpler - "Orphaned teenager, Tran is cast out by the only family she has and is forced into a harrowing overland refugee journey from post-war Vietnam, across Cambodia, into Thailand. THere Mai finds a kind social worker, Mother Agnes, who arranges a stable life for her with an expatriated Vietnamese farm family until a typhoon shatters that stability. Alone again, Mai stands against the typhoon to face the demons of her past and learn if rain controls her life as it seems. (here it would be good to know what the myth is)."<BR/><BR/>Anyway, these are just my thoughts and I too wonder if she is preteen or a real teen.Ello - Ellen Ohhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311917335471167591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-87378716032519704492007-08-08T16:29:00.000-04:002007-08-08T16:29:00.000-04:00BTW - Mr Stabile used to own a restaurant in Pitts...BTW - Mr Stabile used to own a restaurant in Pittsburgh. The word you want is <I>stable</I>. <BR/><BR/>I'm not sure of the ages here <I>(but others have made that comment. You don't need ages in the query, you just need a good writeup.)</I> but the story is that "ambulance chasing the typhoon disaster" George, discovers either the love of his life in Mai or a girl he would be proud to call his daughter. And he rescues her from a life of subsistence farming. <I>(it would be spectacular if he helped rebuild the entire village or the orphanage, but then he might not be Mother Theresa.) </I><BR/><BR/>There's the story that will sell -- his change from a selfish-jerk, ambulance-chasing newshound to a caring human being and her change from dispirited, abandoned youth to adulthood.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11519267642519655972007-08-08T15:32:00.000-04:002007-08-08T15:32:00.000-04:00Compared to some of the other queries we've been s...Compared to some of the other queries we've been seeing, this one is good--a clear outline of a cohesive story, characters with actual motivations, etc.<BR/><BR/>This sounds like an intriguing book. I agree with EE on the lack of any appearance of humor, though. And the water thing is indeed a bit vague.<BR/><BR/>But otherwise, nicely done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17026879157011151852007-08-08T15:23:00.000-04:002007-08-08T15:23:00.000-04:00I found some of the concepts intriguing (the rain ...I found some of the concepts intriguing (the rain myth, different countries, Mother Agnes). But George sounds like a boring American. Why have him bring her to America? It sounds like the story's compelling points are overseas. How is coming to America a rescue, if indeed she needs rescuring? And how old is George? If he's gunning for the Wash Post, he should've gone to college then graduate school (age 24 or so) plus some time at local newspapers, working his way up. He's around 30, right? Not that it's scandulous if she's 17 or 18, but by then, she doesn't need protection or housing from Mother Agnes. She's younger than, right?<BR/><BR/>It sounds like the first half of your novel is a really good outline.<BR/><BR/>This is very short for YA. It's what my MG word length is, and that's an average count for MG.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Search and replace George with a long-lost half sister (teenager also) from the States. Just some thoughts....Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.com