tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5159695114136897312..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1283Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14048147742367313392015-10-31T21:53:47.707-04:002015-10-31T21:53:47.707-04:00I believe I did preface my list of questions with ...I believe I did preface my list of questions with the statement that there wasn't room to answer them in the query. Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81962359731088665552015-10-31T20:02:24.668-04:002015-10-31T20:02:24.668-04:00It's too much backstory, not enough meat. Why ...It's too much backstory, not enough meat. Why is selling dreams to the townspeople important? If its not part of the MAIN plot, cut it.<br /><br />I THINK the main plot is about the demon situation... right? If it is, why do you not touch on it at all except for a few measly sentences at the end?<br /><br />I think you need to condense backstory to one paragraph (aka pretty much this whole query)<br /><br />The rest of the query should be about the demon, why its important, why she is the one who brought it or can send it back, how her friend jonny is involved, etc. Why should we care about Thana and her demons?<br /><br />By the way, Im pretty sure EE didnt mean you actually have to answers all those questions in your query. I think he was just making a point that the way this is written, is too confusing and leaves too much unanswered. <br /><br />Review his notes again (at the end) to make sure you understand what needs to be fixed here...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2027004944620231172015-10-31T12:30:39.039-04:002015-10-31T12:30:39.039-04:00Author> Certainly include Thana's dream cra...Author> Certainly include Thana's dream crafting abilities in the query. I'd just dump the part where she sells them to the townspeople and the townspeople are addicted to them. It suggests that your story is about that and it doesn't seem to be. I'd also strengthen the connection between Thana's dream abilities and sending the demon back. Something like "Jonathan believes Thana can do (X) to send the demon back to the land of the dead." (I'm assuming the demon came from the land of the dead into the land of the living, the Anon #1 seems understandably confused since you specifically called it a gate *to* the land of the dead, which implies a demon going in the other direction.) Then explain why what Jonathan and Thana try doesn't work.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65301639367488179002015-10-31T11:55:10.693-04:002015-10-31T11:55:10.693-04:00I might be good to include some of Thana and Jon&#...I might be good to include some of Thana and Jon's personalities, something that would make them relatable and help us understand them as people, rather than only telling us what's strange about them.SBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49818412828056138922015-10-30T19:35:01.375-04:002015-10-30T19:35:01.375-04:00Hi guys, author here!
Thank you all so much for ...Hi guys, author here! <br /><br />Thank you all so much for your comments and opinions, I really appreciate them! Just some clarifications on my part:<br /><br />Mr Evil Editor (or Miss, but I think it's Mr. I'm sorry if I'm wrong!), your questions on Thana's dream-crafting abilities are impossible to include in the query, or it's going to be very long. I do address all of them in the book, but in the query, I hoped to keep it all concise. Thank you nonetheless for those questions, because it made me realize that some of your questions are unanswered, so I've got to go back and make edits. Likewise, I chose to summarize Jonathan's ability because putting in the minute details doesn't fit in with the query, so there really is no point.<br /><br />InkAndPixelClub, thank you for pointing it out! For me, I have to tell the agent that Thana crafts dreams, because it's essential to the plot (I wouldn't include it if it wasn't). However, I do see your point, and I'll try to revise it to make it seem more important.<br /><br />Anon, yes, I'm aware of the faults of The Night Circus and I really hope I didn't make the same mistakes! And Thana and Jonathan are not that different from us in terms of personality, but they just have special abilities. <br /><br />Thank you all for your comments! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40620039617501899402015-10-30T16:01:59.518-04:002015-10-30T16:01:59.518-04:00When they talk setup paragraph, they don't mea...When they talk setup paragraph, they don't mean "put all your character setup here," they mean "put enough here for us to understand the character(s) predicament and the main plot." For you that looks like Thana crafting dreams, joining the circus, and the escaped demon. You can spill over a bit into the plot progress bits, but make sure everything not only actually connects, but also looks like it connects. If you mention dream addiction and other interesting bits, you need to show how they tie to the larger plot.<br /><br />When you say "by sunrise, she's a member of the circus", I don't know if she's there completely willingly or not (You don't say she joined, you say she's now a member). My view of where your story is going is going to be different depending on which I assume it is, so you might want to be more clear.<br /><br />If Johnathon & co have tracked the demon to Thana and think she's responsible in some way or are in some other way hunting for someone like her to handle this particular demon, you might want to make that more clear. Otherwise, it looks like a very large coincidence that they run across the one person who can help just when they need the help.<br /><br />Dreamland tends to be one of those hard-sell subjects, which may make agents a bit skittish, so you'll need to work extra hard to reassure them that this something they'll like. The heart of what your story is about is usually also the heart of what your query needs to be about. Dig deep, revise, resubmit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63147135349229197552015-10-30T12:59:10.838-04:002015-10-30T12:59:10.838-04:00When I saw that something had crashed the gates to...When I saw that something had crashed the gates to the land of the dead, I assumed it was something living. I had to go back and reread to figure out that Thana's dream-spawned demon was a problem. A demon seems like something that would fit right in.<br /><br />It's a pretty complex setup, and I hope you spend as much time developing your characters as you do developing your world. The Night Circus was unsatisfying as hell in terms of characters and emotional payoffs. Please tell us why we should care whether the land of the dead is infested with demons or not, and why we should care about Thana and Strange Boy. As you've presented them, they're both so weird that I'm not sure I want to spend time with them.<br /><br />I think you've done a good job of conveying a mood, but I'd like to have something more to invest in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33799850775187922102015-10-30T12:28:43.066-04:002015-10-30T12:28:43.066-04:00The problem with spending as much of the query as ...The problem with spending as much of the query as you do on elements other than the main plot is that your up risk editors or agents thinking your story is about something else. A story about a young woman who sells lucid dreams to a town that has become addicted to them could be very interesting. But your story is about a young woman who creates lucid dreams trying to send a demon back to the land of the dead. So as interesting as the dream addiction idea may be, it's a subplot or a side detail. You don't need it here.InkAndPixelClubhttp://ladiesofcomicazi.comnoreply@blogger.com