tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post5082729437254345045..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 1064Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10297053288763119852017-05-01T18:09:20.084-04:002017-05-01T18:09:20.084-04:00I'd read on; I remember Davefragments story ab...I'd read on; I remember Davefragments story about a guy turning into fruit, as well as some very good input he provided others... If you give up reading that fast, most books don't stand a chance. Sometimes, just a little patience pays off... And Gl Dave. I really root for your stuff on the shelves.<br /><br />-Nut.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37521329503236791612017-04-30T00:14:36.233-04:002017-04-30T00:14:36.233-04:00Thanks, I know where the revision will take me now...Thanks, I know where the revision will take me now. davefragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12151700370200628940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80932029693837488052017-04-29T10:15:45.520-04:002017-04-29T10:15:45.520-04:00KK: Great continuation.
Author: If you start a n...KK: Great continuation. <br /><br />Author: If you start a novel or short story with dialogue, it must be compelling. Two guys talking to hear themselves talk is boring. Your opening has no hook. <br /><br />Even if you take all the suggestions here--and you should--the opening is boring. Even if the reader reads all of page one, she won't read page two. <br /><br />On page one, you need to supply suspense not curiosity. Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81720601366708040032017-04-29T09:33:15.629-04:002017-04-29T09:33:15.629-04:00This A.I. is not omniscient and it doesn't ant...This A.I. is not omniscient and it doesn't anticipate certain events. For instance, meteors traveling at 90 degrees to the flight path or local gravitational waves that push it off course. Most spaceflight I read about either is two-dimensional or gravitationally locked into its final outcome. Think of driving a car for the former and riding a bumper car at an amusement park. This spaceship is traveling 4+ light years under power and without a map. The only example I can remember is that final submarine battle in HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER between three submarines. <br /><br />The company building it solved the problem by putting two men into deep hibernation and enabling their minds to control repair robots. The danger in that is that the person slowly loses contact with reality and goes crazy. The corporate mentality considered the dangers of deep hibernation less than conscious humans with their requirements for food, water, disease, etc... davefragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12151700370200628940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74019689111280433602017-04-28T21:55:51.445-04:002017-04-28T21:55:51.445-04:00From this opening, I would guess this is a man dra...From this opening, I would guess this is a man drama about the relationship between these two characters. I probably wouldn't read on unless the title (or blurb if this is a novel and not a short story) indicated it was a different type of story.<br /><br />I'm not quite sure what's on this ship that would need an actual human (or two) to keep it company. No decent AIs in this universe?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-234050585796071332017-04-28T18:25:45.334-04:002017-04-28T18:25:45.334-04:00Nate would have shrugged, but this mechanical body...<i>Nate would have shrugged, but this mechanical body didn’t shrug</i><br /><br />Apparently, that line isn't as obvious as I wanted it to be. <br />And he's studying philosophy because it keeps him sane when while he is out of his body and existing in a mechanical body. <br /><br />My fault. davefragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12151700370200628940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82956333654309010102017-04-28T18:14:03.679-04:002017-04-28T18:14:03.679-04:00There were two errors in the second sentence and I...There were two errors in the second sentence and I was done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7227024851901094882017-04-28T14:27:14.118-04:002017-04-28T14:27:14.118-04:00I think the dialogue needs to be cleaned up a li...I think the dialogue needs to be cleaned up a little. For example:<br /><br />"A boring professor droning on about Man and Superman, Ego and Id, Situation Ethics, rational individualism, and best of all, Existentialism… A miasma of doubt black enough that no sky leaks through."<br /><br />To me, that sentence sounds nothing like how people actually speak. Try reading your dialogue out loud. That should help you understand where it works and where it doesn't.InevitablePlotTwistnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28494549739087114272017-04-28T13:25:05.518-04:002017-04-28T13:25:05.518-04:00It's a little philosophical for an opening. U...It's a little philosophical for an opening. Use chapter 1 to introduce us to the strange, cool details of your new world and the interesting people in it, and move this stuff to the second chapter. At the earliest. <br /><br />There are a lot of Proper Nouns in Sentence One that make for some Difficult Reading (unless you're German, I guess). Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com