tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post499884640320341627..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 754Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35461907573365156002010-05-25T21:55:37.871-04:002010-05-25T21:55:37.871-04:00I'd recommend starting elsewhere. But whatever...I'd recommend starting elsewhere. But whatever you do, put a silver bullet in the heart of that second paragraph._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89631558316367575722010-05-25T16:20:20.816-04:002010-05-25T16:20:20.816-04:00Thanks; that helps. I'll mull it over. Maybe ...Thanks; that helps. I'll mull it over. Maybe keep the first paragraph and go straight into the first chapter (the previous New Beginning) and jsut add age and gender clues there.Joanna Hoythttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13447960126998692419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81230514394517970642010-05-25T14:40:40.558-04:002010-05-25T14:40:40.558-04:00I reread this opening several times and didn't...I reread this opening several times and didn't understand paragraph 2 unil John pointed out the narrator was talking about talking to her younger self. <br /><br />I'm not sure there is a good way to do that not with paragraph 1. I would recommend to the author to either choose one or the other but not both.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5034197443666257422010-05-25T13:54:14.902-04:002010-05-25T13:54:14.902-04:00There's some good voice in here, but the first...There's some good voice in here, but the first several times I read it I found the last five sentences incomprehensible. Then I realized that in the second sentence of the second para, the narrator imagines talking to her younger self. Now it's just the last three sentences I don't understand.Johnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03317745369702853183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62240863040029243312010-05-25T09:20:05.955-04:002010-05-25T09:20:05.955-04:00The longer this goes on, the more cryptic it becom...The longer this goes on, the more cryptic it becomes. I'd move from the first paragraph into something concrete. I can't tell how the second paragraph is even connected to the first.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34159955689719617012010-05-25T09:13:04.153-04:002010-05-25T09:13:04.153-04:00Unchosen continuations:
But this isnt about my m...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br />But this isnt about my mother. This is about me and how I learned to get over the witch that tried to grow me up. How did I do that? I'd watch her fly around the house on her broomstick. Now the stick is mine and my kids laugh when I fly around on it as she did such a long time ago.<br /><br />What if a much of a witch of wind. Who wrote that? Don't matter. she beat me and I beat them.<br />Happy Mother?<br /><br />--Bibi<br /><br /><br /><br />I hated it too. Especially now that I see it all with the clarity that comes with hindsight. Maybe that’s why my mind still won’t stop assaulting me with what ifs. What if I had gotten help when Anna and James told me they wanted to kill themselves. What if I hadn’t been so sure I had all the answers, so confident in my own ability to pull my friends from the brink that I never even considered that I might fail. <br /><br />--Rose<br /><br /><br />She also would have been totally freaked out since it was her future self talking to her, unless I'm talking about having my mother as my scappy younger sister, but I'm not sure, because I like writing in enigmas. She learned that when she read all of those books. Or maybe I learned it, but I can't remember? What was I talking about?<br /><br />Oh, yeah. Anna, Sheila and James. The triplets that I had at that pregnant teen camp. What I had done with them, and what I had meant to do with them. But I'll just mention it here again so I remain ambiguous, adding mystery and such. <br /><br />--Shoshana Beaubahna<br /><br /><br />What I meant to do to Anna, Sheila and James was impress them with my fire breathing trick. What I did was turn their heads into billiard balls when the down draft picked up velocity. I toasted their marshmellows at the same time but they conveniently forgot that in their rush to jump in the lake.<br /><br />The book that I kept from Mother's library after she died was "Raising Dummies For Dummies". She was mad when I gave it to her. She got madder as she read it. So I put her down. The rabies test came back positive. <br /><br />--Bibi<br /><br /><br />But my mother also hates tomatoes so I guess that point is mute.<br /><br />--Anon.<br /><br /><br />But what else could I tell her? Plausible deniability, that's the key. I could have told her that Anna loved wild berries but was a bit dim about which the poisonous ones were, or that Sheila didn't know it was a bad idea to pet a bear cub, or that James loved boats but couldn't swim. I could have told her there were better ways to be a hero to her bullied camp-mate than than bludgeoning those bastards with a tent pole. But if I'd done that, then she might have talked, and I couldn't sit here now, officer, telling you I know nothing about it. I don't recall a thing. It's so easy to forget things in just five years. Ask her, 'cause she isn't me. Not at all. Not any more.<br /><br />--Anon.<br /><br /><br />That's how I see it, anyway. What do you think?<br /><br />"I think you shoulda listened to your mother." <br /><br />--Anon.<br /><br /><br />But what she hated more was when I told mother never, ever, ever start your novel with a prologue. No one ever reads those damn things anyway.<br /><br />--angieEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com