tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4522131158330576782..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 951Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57498822955543936752011-09-23T08:35:08.906-04:002011-09-23T08:35:08.906-04:00Hi everyone, author of The Travelers query letter ...Hi everyone, author of The Travelers query letter here. Thanks for comments and good advice about focusing query letter on plot rather than set-up and beauty of characters (but srsly isn't that what teen girl readers / adult women romance readers all want to read about? beautiful boys? Eric nailed it with his Twilight comment). <br /><br />batgirl, totally awesome pun -- I may have to change heroine's name just because of that. <br /><br />And to everyone, the paragraph about my snickering colleagues (yes they mock me) and me assigning the book to my students (good Lord I would never do that -- I don't even assign my anthropology book to them, never mind an urban fantasy novel!) was just me being silly for this blog. I'd never put that in the query letter I submit. Everything else was in serious -- I swear I'm not trying to waste everyone's time and critical brain activity on a bogus query letter! But clearly the joke fell flat. Sigh.<br /><br />EE yes I really teach 1000+ students a year. Frightening isn't it? But 700 of them come from one enormous first-year class about drugs. <br /><br />Thanks for having fun with it and giving me some great feedback! I'll go write some Guess the Plot descriptions for you now.Bell Curranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13147276089282246761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68203151891985769952011-09-18T00:14:37.732-04:002011-09-18T00:14:37.732-04:00Oh, and one small observation: the Morganville Vam...Oh, and one small observation: the Morganville Vampires series is set in a smalltown college, the heroine is a first-year student, and it's marketed as YA. <br />http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Morganville_Vampiresbatgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1285958811142102302011-09-16T20:45:56.123-04:002011-09-16T20:45:56.123-04:00No one made a lame pun about Travelers riding the ...No one made a lame pun about Travelers riding the Raels? <br /><br />Okay, I guess it's up to me.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-57202916191559538432011-09-13T06:36:40.813-04:002011-09-13T06:36:40.813-04:00I like the setup, but what happens? What's at ...I like the setup, but what happens? What's at stake?<br /><br />And don't worry about the minions complaining about character names. They do that to all the Aussies.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80226324108020824052011-09-12T15:30:57.385-04:002011-09-12T15:30:57.385-04:00I'm not sure if the "will force students ...I'm not sure if the "will force students to review this book for better grades" was meant as humor (like the sniggering collegues) but as you can tell from the comments, it fell flat. Worse, it's a BIG red flag to avoid this story. The last thing any professional wants to do is work with someone of suspect ethics. Again, your ethics might be just fine, but that's not how it comes across. Regardless, you've gotten more comments on the "will review for grades" portion than the rest of the query. Ditch it. It's distracting and may hurt your chances. <br /><br />Are you sure Raels is your main character? Because she sounds awfully passive in your query and that's not good for a main character. BTW - I keep trying to type "Reals" for "Raels." If she goes by "Rae" just call her Rae. <br /><br />As Pheonix pointed out, given Rae's age, the story isn't really YA. It needs to stand up against Adult Urban Fantasy. <br /><br />Query writing is frustrating since you need to be specific but at the same time general enough to convey the information an agent or editor must have when looking at your proposal. You suffer from having the wrong details in this query. <br /><br />Maybe something like: <br /><br />Raels didn't expect college to be easy, but she figured physics was the worse thing she'd have to overcome. Unfortunately, she finds out that she's not quite human and her new boyfriend is a Djinn. <br /> <br />Now tell me why people are either trying to seduce or kill her.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12237518808756712176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29623991266724079902011-09-12T15:27:10.941-04:002011-09-12T15:27:10.941-04:00EE, when you were a sophomore boy you clearly did ...EE, when you were a sophomore boy you clearly did not know the right freshman girls.<br /><br />Author, take it from me, there is nothing more embarrassing than getting five stars from people who gleefully state in the review that they are your students. (And this happens even if you don't ask them to do it.)<br /><br />I get that the penultimate graf is humorously intended, but it could also come across as flaky (ntm, since people already have, unethical). This is a business letter: Play it straight.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76273822521632739592011-09-12T14:45:19.544-04:002011-09-12T14:45:19.544-04:00My first thought is: Is it ethical to give extra c...My first thought is: Is it ethical to give extra credit in Anthropology for reviewing the professor's book?<br /><br />I'm not being judgemental but I would strongly encourage you to make sure you get a written letter from your Dean, stating he/she will allow this. <br /><br />I had a professor who has written two textbooks now in her field of study - two very good books by the way; and her university would not allow her to require students to read her textbooks until she could prove that professors in other universities would use the textbook. <br /><br />Try selling that to your editor! "Wrote this great textbook covering a narrow field that no one has covered, but before I can require my 56 graduate students to read it my colleagues in VA have to agree to use it in their class - fortunately they like me, I'm sure they do and I am the national expert in this field. . . I'm sure this isn't going to be problem." <br /><br />As for the query - I'll take a look at it later - right now I'm trying to save your day job.vkwnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25224239596946895062011-09-12T14:11:26.441-04:002011-09-12T14:11:26.441-04:00This query letter is way too long as it is right n...This query letter is way too long as it is right now, and it doesn't really tell us anything.<br /><br />What I'm getting from this:<br /><br />-There are hot ghosts following Raels (not sure about the name; it might bother a lot of readers to have a main character whose name they don't know how to pronounce).<br /><br />-Mysterious things are happening, but I'm not quite sure exactly what they are.<br /><br />-Only Raels seems to notice that anything strange is happening.<br /><br /><br />I also found the sudden transition to Zane and Severin jarring. Up to that point, the focus of the query is entirely on Raels. Introducing two new characters like this is abrupt.<br /><br />Here's the general outline of what your query should answer:<br /><br />-What does Raels want?<br /><br />At this point, you haven't really given her motivation (I'm sure it's there in the book, but it's not here). Does she want to solve the mystery? Does she want to hook up with the hot ghosts or djinn (or whatever they are)?<br /><br />-What's keeping her from getting it?<br /><br />You hint at an unfolding romance and a Traveler who sees her as a threat to all djinn. But this needs to be a little clearer.<br /><br />-What choice/decision does she face?<br /><br />Right now, I don't really see anything to answer this question.<br /><br />-What terrible thing will happen if she makes the wrong choice?<br /><br /><br />You don't have to answer these questions exactly. Every story is different. But you should provide enough details to give an agent a better idea.<br /><br />As of now, it seems like everything happens to Raels. What does she do?<br /><br />The key is finding succinct plot details instead of saying vague things like, "This is a story about..."Ryan Muellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05364911012131580497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-41271720278689488432011-09-12T14:10:25.414-04:002011-09-12T14:10:25.414-04:00The beginning of the query was beginning to pull m...The beginning of the query was beginning to pull me in, but then it did sort of take a nose-dive into chit-chat about snickering colleagues and such. Cutting it all out is going to free up a lot of space to expand on the plot.<br /><br />Also, I had no idea what a djinn was until I looked it up. Is that dumb of me? Not sure if that's common knowledge or not.Scarecrow Boatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84522813754306008082011-09-12T14:03:35.746-04:002011-09-12T14:03:35.746-04:00I'm not sure "And I'm willing to assi...I'm not sure "And I'm willing to assign grades dishonestly for personal gain!" is something you want to put in a business letter. Even to an agent.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12202357857114883902011-09-12T13:14:36.957-04:002011-09-12T13:14:36.957-04:00Author, another thing to think about is that this ...Author, another thing to think about is that this isn't YA. The protag is 18 and the djinn are masquerading as 24-year-olds (4 years undergrad + 2 years masters = Ph.D. student).<br /><br />One Big 6 imprint was experimenting with "New Adult" titles (ages 18-20 or 22) -- I'm not sure how successful that is/has been. Otherwise, the ages of your characters, if pitched as YA and described in terms of school and other YA conventions, will likely make this an auto reject from editors and agents alike.<br /><br />So for homework, think about how you would pitch this outside of YA.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67030083956953755322011-09-12T11:38:11.671-04:002011-09-12T11:38:11.671-04:00> "I'm expecting the book to lack acti...> "I'm expecting the book to lack action while you ramble on about how good looking everyone is."<br /><br />Well, the query <i>did</i> say it was like Twilight...<br /><br />Seriously though. Most editors are already even more aware than you are that your academic publishing history is not relevant to your current project; so there's no point taking a whole paragraph to say so. If you want to mention your previous publishing cred, just say, "My non-fiction book <i>Unfortunately Nothing To Do With Vampires</i> was published in 2009 by University of Texas Press and won an X award," end sentence. <br /><br />With that paragraph gone, you've got more space to describe the plot, which is what you should be doing in the first place.<br /><br />If the "mystery" is "who are these beautiful men with pale eyes?" that was already answered in the previous paragraph. Djinn is a good concept, but not a plot. How does the suspense develop as a <i>story</i> in your book? Tell us what happens!Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09440250912113010049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24766010197899904992011-09-12T10:46:38.431-04:002011-09-12T10:46:38.431-04:00Having your main character be attractive to beauti...Having your main character be attractive to beautiful others isn't a major achievement in fiction, so no need to say much about that. Your plot description seems under-developed. I'm expecting the book to lack action while you ramble on about how good looking everyone is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com