tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4453419404280900260..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 696Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46152867975463052442009-11-18T17:25:14.150-05:002009-11-18T17:25:14.150-05:00Possibly a chapter book for beginning readers? So...Possibly a chapter book for beginning readers? Something with illustrations, for sure...Marcie Pricehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18165020010520686235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20861756655885042152009-11-11T23:43:50.183-05:002009-11-11T23:43:50.183-05:00The minions stole all my comments (good on y'a...The minions stole all my comments (good on y'all); so, yeah......author, take their advice. And I'm glad it's middle grade because this sounds like a story that would really work for them.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72133867944236974962009-11-11T22:37:55.190-05:002009-11-11T22:37:55.190-05:00Hanne--hah, I was just thinking how much 150 would...Hanne--hah, I was just thinking how much 150 would dislike Gurgi's munnering and chunnering!<br /><br />Father vs. Guardian confused me, too.<br /><br />There is room for motley groups doing daring deeds, but it's getting to the point where you have to do it really well.<br /><br />And yes, Prydain was more middle school-ish, but do remember the undead from the Black Cauldron, and the reference to the Arawn guy burning people alive. Come to think of it, The Last Battle had the Calormen trying to do that to the people in the stable. And the White Witch had threatened, and I quote, to "have my [Tumnus'] tail cut off, and my horns sawn off, and my beard plucked out...."<br /><br />I suppose it's all in the presentation with some things. It's the difference between showing pictures and saying somebody did "a very nasty thing" to the poor character._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38516140792055561022009-11-11T18:12:01.437-05:002009-11-11T18:12:01.437-05:00Ouch. At least EE didn't tell me to just scrap...Ouch. At least EE didn't tell me to just scrap it.<br /><br />In retrospect, I can see that my novel is definitely middle grade, not YA. I blame my library's way of labeling stories for that mistake...<br /><br />Everything else is entirely my fault and I will definitely be doing some major rewriting before sending queries out.<br /><br />Thanks for your help, EE. ^.^Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11940201207500584702009-11-11T17:42:28.932-05:002009-11-11T17:42:28.932-05:00Okay, I feel stupid-- I didn't know that "...Okay, I feel stupid-- I didn't know that "Pegasi" was the pluaral for "Pegasus" <br /><br />I mean, how often do you see more than one Pegasus in the same place? <br /><br />And where's the "My Little Pony"? Wasn't she invited to this shin-dig?<br /><br />No, seriously... I took some Pepto after reading this.Marie Simashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07255293343641053930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-42173398692662113122009-11-11T15:31:09.110-05:002009-11-11T15:31:09.110-05:00This sort of sounds like a thinly veiled "why...This sort of sounds like a thinly veiled "why can't we all get along" metaphor-y thing. YA readers are too old to be preached to, so I hope the story is more than the message. Even though I do like the message. Does that make sense?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3213029388907978122009-11-11T14:31:30.268-05:002009-11-11T14:31:30.268-05:00EE, I will now be quoting your line on "Inner...EE, I will now be quoting your line on "Inner turmoil" every time I see that cliche ever again.<br /><br />I'll join the crowd and say that this doesn't sound like a YA book at all, unless it's substantially edgier than the query lets on. (Try GTP 5.) Today's teens appear to be reading about sexy vampires, not elves and ponies who are secret BFFs. However, most 5 to 9s would eat this right up, especially if you threw in a dinosaur or two. <br /><br />They meet in secret so no one will know of their friendship, but everyone <i>already</i> scorns them and treats them as outsiders? What more are they afraid of, socially speaking?<br /><br />I'm chronically dubious of the "A motley group of friends must go on a quest to save the X" plot line from anyone whose name isn't J.R.R. Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. <br /><br />Why do they have to travel, anyway? The cloud came to <i>them</i>; they can't lure it back? What's at stake? Why can't they just call the police or the palace guard to go searching, since there's been a kidnapping (or horse theft)?<br /><br />Sharael has an overprotective father <i>and</i> an appointed guardian? Harsh.<br /><br />Clarify the query in the ways EE suggested, and either direct it at younger readers or throw in scads of angst and terror with a soupcon of sex.Eric P.http://www.ericpazdziora.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46970627529541794132009-11-11T14:19:03.864-05:002009-11-11T14:19:03.864-05:00Hi author,
This reminds me of Lloyd Alexander'...Hi author,<br /><br />This reminds me of Lloyd Alexander's Prydain books, with the ragtag group of different beings who are learning how to fit (or not) into their respective spheres, all on a quest-type journey. So if I saw it in a bookstore, I'd look inside, 'cos I have fond memories of that series. Per the other comments about the categorization, those were not YA books but younger.<br /><br />I think an editor or agent would want more info up front before requesting pages. Are there larger elements at stake than getting the mother back from the cloud? Does the quest take place in the air? I thought so at first - flying horse chases a cloud - but then you added a lot of wingless characters so I wasn't sure.<br /><br />I was also confused about Sharael's family situation - are her father and guardian different people? It might be a good idea to mention only one of them in the query (the guardian, who chases them, seems more integral to the plot).Hannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-92053761327454065762009-11-11T12:18:52.804-05:002009-11-11T12:18:52.804-05:00No offense, but someone being abducted by a cloud ...No offense, but someone being abducted by a cloud sounds like something that would happen in a Super Mario game. Although... you add a few Koopa Troopas and you might have something here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51457345027115033692009-11-11T12:09:22.567-05:002009-11-11T12:09:22.567-05:00I agree with Evil and the other commenters that th...I agree with Evil and the other commenters that this doesn't really feel like YA. I'm getting a middle grade sensibility from it.<br /><br />Right now, the query makes CLANDESTINE FRIENDSHIP seem like something that would appeal more to 8-to-12-year-olds than teens. Of course, if the author is convinced that the manuscript is YA, then I'm sure the query can be rewritten to reflect this. I'm still not sure that a book starring a pegasus and an elf would every be an easy sell for YA, though.<br /><br />Not sure if the manuscript itself contains certain YA elements, but I think that pitching it as a novel for middle graders might help the author in his or her search for an agent.Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13544703229078531691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13028445140143314932009-11-11T11:43:42.971-05:002009-11-11T11:43:42.971-05:00I gotta say that a character who is "constant...I gotta say that a character who is "constantly babbling" does not inspire me to read this.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24831877820897843642009-11-11T10:42:53.412-05:002009-11-11T10:42:53.412-05:00Young adults have discovered a] sex and b] violenc...Young adults have discovered a] sex and b] violence. They're concerned about the messed-up state of the world and what their place is in it. This is all sexless cute characters doing nothing in particular in never never land. And your evil force is a cloud? <br /><br />Ideally you can make the relevance and adult elements clear. Or maybe you can rework it as a picture book for kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83874623290990300812009-11-11T10:26:48.799-05:002009-11-11T10:26:48.799-05:00As for the first GTP, someone's been reading R...As for the first GTP, someone's been reading Ray Bradbury recently.<br /><br />That pepto-bismol comment made me cackle, and I'm still chuckling.<br /><br />It does seem pretty cutesy for YA; in YA, the abductor would probably be big, ugly, and utterly cruel, not light and fluffy. Also in YA, Jusheron would fall in love with Sharael, and she would fall in love with the werewolf. Feel free to take my suggestions.<br /><br />Do tell us more of the plot; we need to know._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.com