tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4431301786809147337..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Feedback RequestEvil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81131033712272224412017-05-13T04:28:45.191-04:002017-05-13T04:28:45.191-04:00First of all, I've never heard of a "pot ...First of all, I've never heard of a "pot smoking bowl." And I live in Colorado. You "smoke a bowl", meaning packing and smoking the bowl part of a pipe. If you don't know what you're talking about, research the procedure carefully online. You'll also want to hang out on some cannabis forums to pick up some of the nomenclature. Otherwise none of your dialogue will be realistic.<br /><br />This needs to be shorter, more concise, and more clear. Something like this:<br /><br />"It's 1992 and 18-year-old singer/songwriter Angel Carlton has her life all figured out. She plans to go to college in Nashville, get a record deal, and finally get over Damon, her brilliant and elusive muse of three years. But first, she'll be spending a summer at her family's beach house near Ocean City, Maryland where she first met Damon. Her Dad has one rule: no drugs in the house. Not a problem for the straight edge girl.<br /><br /> Angel believes that God has sent her to the beach to save Damon from drug-fueled self destruction before the summer's end. When Angel meets up with Damon again, she spends all her time with him in an attempt to keep him away from his druggie friends. Though she has vowed to remain a virgin until marriage, the more he pokes holes in her surprisingly tenuous faith, the more she finds herself attracted to him. Rather than give in to temptation, Angel channels her frustration into her music.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Angel's mother suspects her good little Christian girl is in over her head. When drug paraphernalia is found in the beach house all hell breaks loose and Angel is forbidden to see Damon. This sends Angel into a crisis. Did she fail in her mission? After a disastrous open mic performance Angel knows she needs her muse and begins sneaking out to see Damon. She may be putting her future in jeopardy for a druggie who will never change. But she didn't choose to fall in love with Damon. Where is God when you need Him?"<br /><br />Of course I got many details wrong, but that's where you need to be more clear. Notice I've clarified what's at stake: Dreams and future career versus possibly doomed love with an addict who may never change. 2. Also, can Angel keep her faith in God, which is obviously important to the story.<br /><br />Good luck.<br /><br />St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58588384603133949602017-05-12T14:04:48.995-04:002017-05-12T14:04:48.995-04:00I don't think you need to mention the book'...I don't think you need to mention the book's format in the query. Especially since it's already a bit long.<br /><br />So far, I don't see any real reason for Angel to be trying to get involved with Damon. What does she see in him? Why does she think he's worth saving? Why does she find him inspiring?<br /><br />What Angel really wants also seems a bit fuzzy. Is her ultimate choice whether she wants a druggie boyfriend more than anything else in life? Discovering she doesn't need him to have a successful music career? Something else entirely?<br /><br />You're asking a lot of questions in your query. You might want to try to provide answers that don't raise questions instead.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com