tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post426170425079975813..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 894Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11809153190849998212011-04-15T19:19:53.787-04:002011-04-15T19:19:53.787-04:00yeah, I think it was the dead uncle that crystalli...yeah, I think it was the dead uncle that crystallised 'star wars' in my poor head.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-50007319796910579782011-04-15T15:53:59.468-04:002011-04-15T15:53:59.468-04:00I'm coming to the conclusion that the commones...I'm coming to the conclusion that the commonest flaws in queries are a)vagueness, and b)passive protagonists.<br />The books themselves may be fine, full of specific dramatic events and with wily, take-charge protagonists, but somehow the process of query-writing pounds everything into a bland jelly.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-51865644839112807862011-04-15T13:46:36.443-04:002011-04-15T13:46:36.443-04:00Actually, the plot reminds me a bit more of Avatar...Actually, the plot reminds me a bit more of Avatar (the tv show, last airbender, etc, not the movie with blue people).<br /><br />I agree that Al seems passive in the query. Focus more on his emotional journey: What does he need to discover about himself to effectively change the world? Make it more personal than "figure out how to use his powers and defeat the bad guy." That's what will make the plot seem less like a standard fantasy quest.D. Lemmanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18665342090256525362011-04-15T06:16:51.391-04:002011-04-15T06:16:51.391-04:00This sounds like the plot to Star Wars. You might ...This sounds like the plot to Star Wars. You might want to make it sound less like it.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36538280037978311982011-04-15T05:17:03.365-04:002011-04-15T05:17:03.365-04:00Alannian isn't too bad, as far as fantasy name...Alannian isn't too bad, as far as fantasy names go. But chuck in Azallyan et al, and I wonder when Aslan's going to make an appearance.<br /><br />The query didn't mention Aza's sword at all. Is Alanninan seeking the sword? Will it confer powers on him?<br /><br />The query's a little thin on detail - you say what will happen if he fails, but my question is -fails to do what?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85854203049612661012011-04-14T20:48:06.264-04:002011-04-14T20:48:06.264-04:00Focused my prior comment on the title because we s...Focused my prior comment on the title because we see so many middle grade / young adult fantasies in which the main character turns out to be -- The Chosen One! They all have fundamentally the same plot so it seems authors can best distinguish their query by having clear sparkling prose, showing market savvy, and avoiding qualities likely to annoy, such as gimmicky names no one can spell or say. <br /><br />Think of 'Harry Potter' -- such lovely simplicity -- easily spelled, pronounced, and remembered by the average third grade reader. Brilliant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15700942358682127252011-04-14T20:25:49.106-04:002011-04-14T20:25:49.106-04:00I'm wondering what makes this different from e...I'm wondering what makes this different from every other story about a teenage boy with newly acquired powers going off to save the world? You might to focus more on that.<br /><br />100K seems a tad long for a YA novel.<br /><br /><br />(Tazmania? *grumbles at WB*)Xenithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550985137843901009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48253736709973116682011-04-14T16:21:16.344-04:002011-04-14T16:21:16.344-04:00The name thing is trivial and easy to change, I wo...The name thing is trivial and easy to change, I wouldn't stress over it. What is more of a problem in this query is that Ally isn't shown as doing anything. Protagonists should make choices and do things. Ally is passively chased, sheltered, etc. Once you've cut the uncle and the repetition, you should probably put some thought into clarifying what Ally does with Evvy's amazing powers.batgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15143310557906978680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23489162809509506892011-04-14T14:49:52.055-04:002011-04-14T14:49:52.055-04:00You're doing it wrong.
A common mistake of a...You're doing it wrong. <br /><br />A common mistake of a newbie writer is not differentiating names of their characters & places thus making it confusing to the reader. It's bad enough when it's Anna, Adam and Amy...let alone: Alannian, Azallyan, and Elyyian.<br /><br />Correct way is to use unusual names that are easy to pronounce and differentiate:<br />Dumbledore<br />Snape<br />Azkaban<br />Hogwartz<br /><br />See what I'm sayin'?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-55104401822672062022011-04-14T14:07:24.277-04:002011-04-14T14:07:24.277-04:00You need to make the title easy to pronounce so pe...You need to make the title easy to pronounce so people will feel comfortable asking for it at the bookstore and the clerks will know wtf they're talking about. Plus, if it's easy to spell, more people will be able to find it on Amazon. If your readership and their parents can neither spell nor pronounce the title, your book is doomed. <br /><br />This is why no publisher will ever use this title.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89216730079580466342011-04-14T13:53:33.676-04:002011-04-14T13:53:33.676-04:00I swear this query is going to give me nightmares....I swear this query is going to give me nightmares.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73480250487039896122011-04-14T13:22:08.942-04:002011-04-14T13:22:08.942-04:00I want to hear Fred's story :)I want to hear Fred's story :)blankenship.louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541461775158369620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85569311954904903052011-04-14T11:57:13.834-04:002011-04-14T11:57:13.834-04:00The writer refers to Al as a "young boy"...The writer refers to Al as a "young boy" so I had to go back and check his age. Thirteen is not a young boy. Do you treat the character as if he were a child who needs the help and guidance of adults to do anything, including survive? If so, maybe this is more of a middle grade novel than a young adult novel. Or is the story really more about Al growing up and embracing his destiny as a great leader? If so, address that. He seems like a victim in the query, not a potential hero.<br /><br />Also, I'm not really impressed with the Incarnation business. The Incarnation was an important figure in this world until the bad guys said, "Why don't we just murder him?" So they did and it all worked out for them. It doesn't seem like the Incarnation is very effective anymore. He's certainly not spreading peace if he's being hunted and people are being killed wherever he goes. Clarify the role of the Incarnation and what Al needs to do/overcome to become this great figure.Katie the YA Librariannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28090939084623372752011-04-14T10:58:01.072-04:002011-04-14T10:58:01.072-04:00I just want to say how I appreciate the writer'...I just want to say how I appreciate the writer's use of "elves, humans and dwarves" instead of the ubiquitous and cringeworthy "Elves, Dwarves and Men". Writer is aware s/he is not an Oxford don writing in the 1950s. Always an excellent sign.<br /><br />The names are hard to read past. Unfamiliar names always put an extra burden on the reader (and therefore on the writer). <br /><br />"Prankster" shows up twice in the query, but we don't see Alan actually committing a prank. Nor should we if it's not important to the plot. Leave it out?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com