tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post4042747568447208806..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Feedback RequestEvil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-67179968758419860542018-04-18T18:15:27.863-04:002018-04-18T18:15:27.863-04:00I think we need to know why the Celestian attacked...I think we need to know why the Celestian attacked Lucrezia. Was he defending Ilana? Were the sisters fighting and he stepped in to defend the one he loved? Explaining that the attack was done in self-defense (or based on a misunderstanding) might help the reader to understand why Ilana has stuck by her Celestian all this time.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19191735898459154702018-04-18T03:56:01.697-04:002018-04-18T03:56:01.697-04:00It's better than before I think, but my sympat...It's better than before I think, but my sympathy lies with Lucrezia and I'm sure that's not what you are going for. ( This was probably not helped by EE's humorous comments, but if EE hadn't have said them I would have thought them of my own volition. I think maybe answer the question: What does Ilana want more than anything? And what is she fighting for, stakes etc? At the moment it just sounds like she's a ...not very nice person to begin with to let her sisters face be ripped off and not understand where her sister is coming from. Why does she begin with more love and loyalty to her creature. Maybe point out that the ( mind blank, those Celestians? is it? ) are hard done by, suppressed creatures, so that we know her reasons for caring about them. Also What her sister did to deserve such hatred to begin with. Iamanoldvampirechildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03220350416178077932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23571054743502970832018-04-17T19:23:57.699-04:002018-04-17T19:23:57.699-04:00Are Pond & Skye humans, celestials or somethin...Are Pond & Skye humans, celestials or something else? Why has all this responsibility fallen to them?<br /><br />This is not a personal jab or attack: It's just that I'm sick of everything being Save The World. What happened to save the neighborhood, save the king, save the alliance of countries? Why has it got to be The World?khazarkhumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-19083386962801341462018-04-17T12:20:56.263-04:002018-04-17T12:20:56.263-04:00Using best sellers as comp titles is a bad idea be...Using best sellers as comp titles is a bad idea because it implies you think your book will also be a best seller, aka you have unrealistic expectations. Most agents would rather pass on you than buy you a clue. If you do use best-seller comps, it needs to be obvious by the plot in the query as to why--this query doesn't accomplish that. I would suggest you either find different comps or make it more obvious why you're using these ones.<br /><br />In this version you don't tie the last names to the characters. The problem is "celest-" means "sky/heaven" and Ilana is the ally to the celestians, so logically I would think it was her last name. From the previous version, I know this isn't the case.<br /><br />People kill other people they don't hate all the time, so I don't see what P&S's lack of hate has to do with whether or not they're willing to kill each other (not stated, but implied). Not to mention, the celestian was the one who did the attacking before.... I also don't understand what Pond hopes to accomplish by killing Skye--what does she think the end result will be? If Skye is the charismatic leader of the anti-celestians, killing her would more likely turn her into a martyr and make the situation worse (which sounds like an interesting enough twist that it should be included in the query if it actually happens in the book).<br /><br />If people are already fighting for opposing sides, war isn't brewing, it has already brewed, so to speak. Be careful: This is a first look at your writing and your entire book will be judged by it.<br /><br />It might be more helpful to list some of the actions the opposing sides are taking.<br /><br />You still haven't really said what abilities/resources P&S have that make them key players in your war. If they aren't key players for the global conflict and the war is the background for their personal conflict, that needs to be made clearer.<br /><br />One other thing: A world is a very large place. One _king_ ruling the entire thing makes me worry about your grasp of political realities. The assassination of the king of a country might imply a better understanding of scope. For comparison, WWI was started by killing a guy why ranked below king--and that pulled in most countries of our world.<br /><br />Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-79744109335409070002018-04-16T20:23:51.839-04:002018-04-16T20:23:51.839-04:00Why did Lucrezia kill the ruler? The way it's ...Why did Lucrezia kill the ruler? The way it's stated makes it sound like an 'oh, by the way...'khazarkhumnoreply@blogger.com