tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3996393221351357731..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 366Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76300054831733299242007-06-29T19:14:00.000-04:002007-06-29T19:14:00.000-04:00Well, Buffy, EE inferred you might just be calling...Well, Buffy, EE inferred you might just be calling him "dead"! Can't get more perjorative than that. I agree, though, that if the author wanted to call the neighbor a whore to keep in the MC's voice, then we should get the language the MC uses when she thinks about her husband. <BR/><BR/>Carefully read this sentence again, author: "Every night she wanders the graveyard, reading the tombstones, hoping for a clue as to who it is that haunts her nights." You have a logic loop here. If she's wandering at night, then whoever it is isn't haunting her nights any longer, are they? Or are they haunting her in the cemetery where she's doing her wandering? <BR/><BR/>You sound like you have an idea where to go with this query now. Would love to see your revision when you're ready to post it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31438417888581406392007-06-29T17:50:00.000-04:002007-06-29T17:50:00.000-04:00Whore, slut...anyone got a pejorative name for the...<I>Whore, slut...anyone got a pejorative name for the (apparently) cheating husband?</I><BR/><BR/>Skanking slime-dog crap-weasel, of course. <BR/><BR/>Takes longer to type that, however.<BR/><BR/>~Whitemousejjdebenedictishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16950592240599703771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33550607548059415532007-06-29T17:20:00.000-04:002007-06-29T17:20:00.000-04:00Whore, slut...anyone got a pejorative name for the...Whore, slut...anyone got a pejorative name for the (apparently) cheating husband?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10913377020379176112007-06-29T15:21:00.000-04:002007-06-29T15:21:00.000-04:00If the woman next door is planning to kill your ma...If the woman next door is planning to kill your main character, you need to tell us. YOu also need to tell us what's up with the cemetary. DO we have zombies or not? Undead needs a mention in a query letter. You spring the undead on someone and you've mislead them about the genre. I don't think that will win you points.<BR/><BR/>I felt like you were trying to hold back the good stuff, and that's not the way to get a request for a partial. The audience for this letter wants to get a general idea of the entire book, including the main plot, the main characters, and the general ending. I imagine you can fudge on these things somewhat, but you cannot leave them all entirely out and just discuss the set up.<BR/><BR/>Sounds like it's gothic, based on what you shared. And your main character came across as a wimpy little passive creature who probably deserves to get munched by zombies. I suspect that this is not the case at all, so perhaps you might look at concrete things that she does in the story for the revision of the letter.<BR/><BR/>Good luck with the revisions.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78006740120549793132007-06-29T14:56:00.000-04:002007-06-29T14:56:00.000-04:00Maybe it's just me, but if you are worried about y...Maybe it's just me, but if you are worried about your husband's growing attraction to the woman next door, I wouldn't think wandering the graveyard <I>every night</I> is the way to shore up your relationship. Maybe his eye wanders because he can never find his wife after sundown? That would put a crimp in my marriage, I would think.<BR/><BR/>Not much else to add to other people's comments.<BR/><BR/>I think GTP #4 would work a lot better if the gravedigger had a speech impediment.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72304794092757274312007-06-29T14:55:00.000-04:002007-06-29T14:55:00.000-04:00"Here lies my husband/Rotten to the core/Shouldn't...<I>"Here lies my husband/Rotten to the core/Shouldn't have messed around/With the whore next door."</I><BR/><BR/>Rofl!<BR/><BR/>You're in fine form today, EE.<BR/><BR/>In this query, we have a husband who's screwing around with the broad next door, and a wife who wanders graveyard at night looking for she-doesn't-know-what. <BR/><BR/>Need more story.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504439129670380071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77127089324386240402007-06-29T14:11:00.000-04:002007-06-29T14:11:00.000-04:00You gotta change the title. I counted only one cem...You gotta change the title. I counted only one cemetery and one mystery, so that would make it Mystery and Cemetery, which, frankly, sounds retarded. You wrote 92,000 words. You can drum up three or four more good ones. Make a list of titles. And not just five or six. I'm talking 50, 100. Don't think about it. Just write shit down until something sounds good. Then write 50 more. That's a few hundred words, which is probably less than your daily word count during the months you spent writing the damn thing. That is all.Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82874173725745368552007-06-29T13:02:00.000-04:002007-06-29T13:02:00.000-04:00EE, thanks for "the treatment". A little mocking ...EE, thanks for "the treatment". A little mocking is good for a writer's ego, LOL. <BR/><BR/>To clarify, "whore" is used because that is what Tamara constantly calls this woman, until the chip comes off Tamara's shoulder anyway, and I guess I was trying to stay in her voice a little bit. The neighbour is not an actual whore though. So I'll tone it down a bit. <BR/><BR/>I can see where I have to add more details. When I see it in the cold light of the blog, I realize I haven't really given enough of the story. <BR/><BR/>Thank everyone for your time in reading and commenting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3973365049450672692007-06-29T12:29:00.000-04:002007-06-29T12:29:00.000-04:00I want to read GTP #4!The cheating husband plotlin...I want to read GTP #4!<BR/><BR/>The cheating husband plotline and the suspicious cemetery plotline don't seem to be connected at all. Probably they are in the book. You need to put that info in the query letter, and also how her job mixes in with all of these things. Tamara just seems to suffer and wander. She needs to be stronger to be appealing as a main character.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-70399505214197040012007-06-29T12:21:00.000-04:002007-06-29T12:21:00.000-04:00This totally cracked me up:"Here lies my husband/R...This totally cracked me up:<BR/><BR/><I>"Here lies my husband/Rotten to the core/Shouldn't have messed around/With the whore next door."</I><BR/><BR/>And GTP #5 was hilarious.<BR/><BR/>Author, I agree with the others. We need more details. Also, the beginning sounds slow, and seems to lack an inciting incident. I'm not going to have much patience for a novel that opens with the protagonist wandering aimlessly around a cemetery, night after night. Hopefully something actually happens while she's out there.AmyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636921840451091870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-13210641607732075172007-06-29T12:02:00.000-04:002007-06-29T12:02:00.000-04:00More information please! Plot details! Events! Cau...More information please! Plot details! Events! Cause/effects and motivations!<BR/><BR/>Also, could you please make a distinction on the "whore" use? I'd like to see either "prostitute next door"--which lends for madcap brothel capers and a heart of gold--or "slut next door"--which lends for dirty comedy and an excuse for Tamara to pursue the hot gravedigger. I'm guessing you chose it because it rhymes with "next door", but that's not so clever that it's worth sacrificing clarity.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43095465333139236562007-06-29T11:33:00.000-04:002007-06-29T11:33:00.000-04:00Even if the woman is employed in a legal Nevada br...Even if the woman is employed in a legal Nevada brothel, I'm sure she doesn't refer to herself as a whore. If your character was a goat farmer you wouldn't refer to him in your query letter as someone who murders kids.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81138385738435740342007-06-29T11:22:00.000-04:002007-06-29T11:22:00.000-04:00Maybe "the whore" isn't used for name-calling, guy...Maybe "the whore" isn't used for name-calling, guys. Maybe she's using it as she would "the butcher next door"--you know it's about occupation, not character.Emily Suesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12106551525889307622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91185012289007397872007-06-29T11:11:00.000-04:002007-06-29T11:11:00.000-04:00This letter reads as pretty rough. Example:"Every...This letter reads as pretty rough. Example:<BR/><BR/>"Every night she wanders the graveyard, reading the tombstones, hoping for a clue as to who it is that haunts her nights."<BR/><BR/>You repeat "night".Reihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17005292189176596201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83538718326566760412007-06-29T11:09:00.000-04:002007-06-29T11:09:00.000-04:00This sounds like enough plot for a good short stor...This sounds like enough plot for a good short story but I'm afraid unless there's more to it than you describe here, the novel version might have a lot of redundant night wandering and husband loathing scenes, giving you a very slow pace. Plus it seems to be taking itself awful seriously for something so thin on significance.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54213148099669917592007-06-29T10:38:00.000-04:002007-06-29T10:38:00.000-04:00The heroine comes across in the query as excessive...The heroine comes across in the query as excessively passive in the Gothic style.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com