tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3791004638577721331..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 377Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-43141317982756728442007-10-05T15:02:00.000-04:002007-10-05T15:02:00.000-04:00That makes a lot of sense Sarah. Thanks.That makes a lot of sense Sarah. <BR/>Thanks.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78186907500318824952007-10-05T12:31:00.000-04:002007-10-05T12:31:00.000-04:00How about she takes the hand but doesn't realize w...How about she takes the hand but doesn't realize who it is until she's standing in front of him. That could help with the issue of why does she grab his hand and then say 'put me back'. It should also help with her reaction - makes it more immediate to realizing who has pulled her from her grave.<BR/><BR/>Unless this can't happen in this story.<BR/><BR/>I got the impression that being dead was no big deal and that she had been there and back again or some such thing. Not a problem for me that she has a matter of fact reaction to being pulled from the grave.<BR/><BR/>Great beginning!<BR/><BR/>SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52886730201283764892007-10-05T02:59:00.000-04:002007-10-05T02:59:00.000-04:00Bu keqi. Bu keqi.Bu keqi. Bu keqi.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35614818888727968452007-10-04T12:21:00.000-04:002007-10-04T12:21:00.000-04:00feichang ganxie(That's a comment, not a typo.)feichang ganxie<BR/><BR/>(That's a comment, not a typo.)pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-49022577150946759542007-10-04T06:03:00.000-04:002007-10-04T06:03:00.000-04:00I love the two continuations. I'll nix the "weeks...I love the two continuations. I'll nix the "weeks ago" and a make the other corrections.<BR/><BR/>Rae is half-vetala (or baital). A vetala (short definition) is a spirit that inhabits corpses at will and can use them to get around and cause terror or guard places (towns, villages, a home or family). Her spirit can inhabit only her own body. She doesn't have enough power to exert complete control over her corpse like Mark, the necromancer, can.<BR/><BR/>Paca: She's not in any terror, more disgust than anything else.<BR/><BR/><I>However, I actually get the impression that being killed is not a huge deal to her.</I><BR/><BR/>It's not.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21544271815857738852007-10-03T20:20:00.000-04:002007-10-03T20:20:00.000-04:00I like this, but I'd like to know why she took Mar...I like this, but I'd like to know why she took Mark's hand and then wanted to be put back - was it only because of the smile? I'd have thought she'd already be pissed in royal fashion, you know, from having been murdered by the guy.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand...she's been released from her burial place.<BR/><BR/>Hmmm. I definitely wanna know what <BR/>happens, and why.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-80603084053785644672007-10-03T18:12:00.000-04:002007-10-03T18:12:00.000-04:00I agree that this is a perfect place to start a no...I agree that this is a perfect place to start a novel and that you've got a great hook. However, I think this could be even better, though I don't know how without knowing the novel. What I mean is that the way she reacts is how I would react if some jerk smashed into my car as I was on the way to a super important meeting. Man, I'd be pissed off and curse away.<BR/><BR/>But is this how I would react if I was truly in terror? Such as if the car was headed towards my child or towards me? In such a situation, I might be hysterical, in shock, crying, frozen in fear, etc. And if anger did take over, I might attack someone mindlessly.<BR/><BR/>I am wondering if the reaction from our MC here is the right reaction. If she's been hanging around comfortably in her tomb and her murderer comes to grab her, then she'd react just like this. But if she's been dead in the normal way, i.e., umm dead, then being brought back to life might bring tears, panic, disorientation, dot dot dot. Moreover, if she was actually in mortal fear when being killed, perhaps she is alive again right in the middle of that same fear, or the fear takes over again when she sees her killer<BR/><BR/>I don't know what dying is like to her, so I don't know if my ideas are appropriate. However, I actually get the impression that being killed is not a huge deal to her.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28531029793441399192007-10-03T15:16:00.000-04:002007-10-03T15:16:00.000-04:00Forgot to add that I think this is an excellent pl...Forgot to add that I think this is an excellent place to start your story.<BR/>Very fetching.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-54403311109746731132007-10-03T14:35:00.000-04:002007-10-03T14:35:00.000-04:00Taking nothing away from Anonymous's continuation,...Taking nothing away from Anonymous's continuation, I've already re-read Church Lady's unchosen continuation multiple times today and find it just as funny every time!<BR/><BR/>I'd love to know where this story goes.Preciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05071233480999640713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10694897216952476382007-10-03T12:22:00.000-04:002007-10-03T12:22:00.000-04:00Love this. And I loved the 'fuck you's. Really put...Love this. And I loved the 'fuck you's. Really puts me in mind of how pissed she is. Like she can't say it often enough to express the depth of feeling.<BR/><BR/>There are the obvious issues that everyone's pointed out, but it's a great beginning!<BR/><BR/>SarahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62536439511164237862007-10-03T11:36:00.000-04:002007-10-03T11:36:00.000-04:00This could be fun. I liked it.Agree with EE's comm...This could be fun. I liked it.<BR/><BR/>Agree with EE's comments, and would add one more. I felt 'just weeks agon' in your last sentence diluted the strength of this sentence. I would just say: <BR/>What do you say to the person who murdered you? and leave the time reference for later.<BR/><BR/>Great opening!Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72334372732888299032007-10-03T10:16:00.000-04:002007-10-03T10:16:00.000-04:00What EE said.How is his "graceful" hoisting releva...What EE said.<BR/>How is his "graceful" hoisting relevant?Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-68322520344781492852007-10-03T09:45:00.000-04:002007-10-03T09:45:00.000-04:00I LOVE these continuations! And I agree with EE t...I LOVE these continuations! <BR/><BR/>And I agree with EE that, in the last paragraph, less is more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12669967428752518302007-10-03T09:31:00.000-04:002007-10-03T09:31:00.000-04:00If she'd rather be buried in the dirt, though, why...If she'd rather be buried in the dirt, though, why does she take the offered hand?<BR/><BR/>-mbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86895231188044691432007-10-03T09:20:00.000-04:002007-10-03T09:20:00.000-04:00This opening brings immediately to mind the myriad...This opening brings immediately to mind the myriad scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer of the recently sucked crawling out of their graves.<BR/><BR/>Also, be aware in "Sunshine," Robin McKinley's most excellent vampire book, the heroine's name is Rae...<BR/><BR/>If this isn't actually a vampire book, then your opening is misleading. Intentionally or otherwise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89496773647352753062007-10-03T09:17:00.000-04:002007-10-03T09:17:00.000-04:00What do you say to the person who murdered you... ...What do you say to the person who murdered you... is a good hook, as is the blood dripping from his hands. <BR/><BR/>p.1 He's holding out a hand, she reaches out to take it, he takes hold... We don't need such a detailed play-by-play. You can delete "to take it" from s.2 and/or "takes hold and" from s.3. Also, note other obvious error in s.3.<BR/><BR/>p.2 "Quickly" not needed.<BR/><BR/>I think the last paragraph would be more effective if it just read "Put me back," I tell him. All those Fuck you's are distracting from the cold fact that she'd rather be buried in the dirt than out with him. She can say Fuck you next time she speaks, if you wish, though I think once will be sufficient.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-20769835481226441532007-10-03T08:54:00.000-04:002007-10-03T08:54:00.000-04:00Unchosen continuation: He continues to smile at me...Unchosen continuation:<BR/><BR/><BR/> He continues to smile at me. Apparently "fuck you" wasn't the thing to say to the person who just murdered you.<BR/><BR/>I back away and brush dirt from my clothes. There had to be something I could say. Something to wrest that smile off his face.<BR/><BR/>"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" I shout.<BR/><BR/>Nothing.<BR/><BR/>"Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!" I scream.<BR/><BR/>Mark stares at me in confusion. This wasn't working.<BR/><BR/>I lower my voice for stronger effect. "They're making our food out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them." <BR/><BR/>Mark almost laughs, but he stops himself. My movie lines aren't working.<BR/><BR/>At last, I find the right words. <BR/><BR/>"Evil Editor said your manuscript sucked. SUCKED! DO YOU HEAR ME?"<BR/><BR/>Apparently, he does. Mark recoils in horror, and I check out my new zombie digs.<BR/><BR/>--Church LadyEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com