tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3790934652154427644..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 578Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88528825598840096522010-03-11T16:17:04.498-05:002010-03-11T16:17:04.498-05:00Thank you all so much. Your comments have truly be...Thank you all so much. Your comments have truly been invaluable.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-71682287913545538142010-03-11T11:55:52.610-05:002010-03-11T11:55:52.610-05:00Fabulous. All the info I'd need is present, i...Fabulous. All the info I'd need is present, it's brief, and there's voice.I would definitely read this book.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-5339987159516383882010-03-09T22:05:26.908-05:002010-03-09T22:05:26.908-05:00That is really good and much better an organised t...That is really good and much better an organised than the first entry. It sounds very interesting. I would read it.Kayanna Kirbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12529184478833996118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22930562430719366732010-03-09T22:05:26.907-05:002010-03-09T22:05:26.907-05:00With this, your synopsis, and your opening, I thin...With this, your synopsis, and your opening, I think you're good to go.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681932402948885690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15971686335640482792010-03-09T21:03:10.881-05:002010-03-09T21:03:10.881-05:00This third version is much better, and makes it so...This third version is much better, and makes it sounds like I book I would like to read. Your final query really brings the plot and the motivation to life, without bringing up sticky questions raised in earlier versions. (Like why she is seemingly immune to iron whereas it prevents the other Unseelie fey from following her to high school. I assume you've addressed that in the novel, but it jumped at me in the query.) <br /><br />Consider removing the "sets her soul aflame" line though. It screams Romance, and your novel sounds like there is a lot more going on. Love the forbidden fruit reference -- very nice play on the biblical reference and the fruit traditions of faerie lore, including Goblin Market.Martina Boonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-3411237387963180562010-03-09T20:11:49.051-05:002010-03-09T20:11:49.051-05:00This is just plain excellent. Here's to you!This is just plain excellent. Here's to you!_*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-21624042215696030552010-03-09T19:35:16.635-05:002010-03-09T19:35:16.635-05:00Excellent. There's a slight possibility someon...Excellent. There's a slight possibility someone will think "her tyrannical mother" means the Seelie Queen's tyrannical mother. You can avoid this with something like:<br /><br /><br />Elora, the daughter of the Unseelie Queen, is a faerie with a plan: she’s going to dethrone her tyrannical mother. All she has to do is mobilize the servants of the Dark Court and gain the trust of the Seelie Queen. Well, easier said than done.<br /><br />Or you can leave it as is, and assume no one will misinterpret.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88910177567551151322010-03-09T17:36:09.633-05:002010-03-09T17:36:09.633-05:00Revision:
Elora, the daughter of the Unseelie Que...Revision:<br /><br />Elora, the daughter of the Unseelie Queen, is a faerie with a plan. She’s going to mobilize the servants of the Dark Court, strike a deal with the Seelie Queen, and dethrone her tyrannical mother. All she has to do is gain the Seelie Queen’s trust. Well, easier said than done.<br /><br />In <i>Child of the Dark Court</i>, an 85,000-word YA urban fantasy, the Seelie Queen devises the perfect plan to test Elora’s loyalty. Elora must travel to the mortal world, the place the Dark Faeries abhor, and gain the trust of a human. Elora agrees to the quest, though it seems impossible. Then she meets Daren, the boy who breathes new life into the phrase <i>forbidden fruit</i>, and things get really complicated.<br /><br />The high-born daughter of a Faerie Queen should have no problem keeping her distance from a human. So why does Elora gravitate toward him as if he were a force of nature? In her short time in the mortal world, the unthinkable has happened. She’s fallen in love. And now she has a choice to make. Does she return to Faerie alone, leaving behind the boy who sets her soul aflame? Or does she risk everything by bringing him back with her?Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-86557429678220918062008-11-05T23:03:00.000-05:002008-11-05T23:03:00.000-05:00EE, you forgot the most famous Darlings: Wendy, Mi...EE, you forgot the most famous Darlings: Wendy, Michael, and John in PETER PAN.<BR/><BR/>And Michael, John, James, and such are perfectly good names for a hero, Author.talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12846512919843915722008-11-05T20:11:00.000-05:002008-11-05T20:11:00.000-05:00Good point about the "human" thing. I'll try out s...Good point about the "human" thing. I'll try out some possible options and see how they sound. <BR/><BR/>As for the name thing:<BR/><BR/>Just bought Pushing Daisies on DVD but haven't watched any episodes yet. As for the other name connections, good to know. I think it's funny no one mentioned Peter Pan. I thought that would be the most obvious one. <BR/><BR/>Thanks much :)Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82004568382419791782008-11-05T18:24:00.000-05:002008-11-05T18:24:00.000-05:00It's much better. I was thinking you might not wan...It's much better. I was thinking you might not want to use the word human twice in one sentence, when the second one could be man or boy or high school student. But that's no big deal.<BR/><BR/>If Bewitched is before your time, you might consider that most of the characters on Dirty Sexy Money have the last name Darling. And on Pushing Daisies Lily and Vivian are (were) a synchronized swimming pair known as the Darling Mermaid Darlings.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77294806796858069982008-11-05T17:16:00.000-05:002008-11-05T17:16:00.000-05:00Thank you everyone for the help and encouragement ...Thank you everyone for the help and encouragement :) <BR/><BR/>A few people took issue with Darren's name and I shall certainly consider your thoughts. I honestly had the hardest time coming up with a guy's name I liked in the first place, but I don't know that I'll be using something like Cody, Ian or Seth. I just don't want the character reminding people of someone on The O.C.<BR/><BR/>;) <BR/><BR/>As for the Darren on Bewitched, THAT I didn't think of . . . it was a bit before my time. So I'll take that into consideration. <BR/><BR/>Pheonix, your comments about the disjointed nature of my original query were invaluable. Thank you so much.<BR/><BR/>I am taking out my longer comments (explaining why Elora goes to a high school) because I want people to be able to get to the new query without having to read miles and miles of explanation about something that no longer applies.<BR/><BR/>EE, do you have any comments on the new query?Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52372611661202374392008-11-04T12:06:00.000-05:002008-11-04T12:06:00.000-05:00For what it's worth, Chelsea, I think this sounds ...For what it's worth, Chelsea, I think this sounds like an appealing book. Your second query is good -- my only concern is that it comes across as if the romance is the main focus. Is that true? If it is, great. If not, maybe you can tweak it just a little bit. I also think you should add that line about how it's a matter of life and death that she fit in at high school -- THAT is intriguing to me. Go you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81313298463154349542008-11-04T01:07:00.000-05:002008-11-04T01:07:00.000-05:00Much better query, but teenaged boy with centuries...Much better query, but teenaged boy with centuries-old supernatural heroine gives me the queazes. I can't imagine how a long-lived fairy could fall in love with a teenaged boy. Hell, I can't imagine how a TEENAGED GIRL could fall in love with a teenaged boy!talpiannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13978075304795724185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-7612516940528317272008-11-03T23:57:00.000-05:002008-11-03T23:57:00.000-05:00Definitely better. Shorter, sharper, more focused ...Definitely better. Shorter, sharper, more focused on what's really at stake for Our Heroine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65869701514182849412008-11-03T14:45:00.000-05:002008-11-03T14:45:00.000-05:00I'd drop Darren as a name, too, for several reason...I'd drop Darren as a name, too, for several reasons: <BR/><BR/>1. Darren is still being used, certainly (there were two in my grade at school, and I've only been out four years now), but it's a name on a definite downswing. So it savours much more of older men than teenage boys. You're looking at born-in-91-or-92-ish at this point, right? There are names that would much better fit the trends characteristic of his generation, that would also get rid of the cutesiness of the alliteration. Start <A HREF="http://www.behindthename.com/top/lists/1000us1992.php" REL="nofollow">here</A> and see if you find anything near the top of the list that you like? I'm inclined toward Nathan, Travis, Kyle, Cody, Zachary, Ethan, Ian, Seth. Not only do those meet my namenerd approval, they sound like they'd be boys my little sister (who is herself just starting high school) would know.<BR/><BR/>2. Thanks to Bewitched, the world has already had a Darren-involved-with-a-magical-chick. We don't need another.<BR/><BR/>Otherwise, I do think the query is definitely showing improvement!Tintinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15976209667609049159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65075450973797811242008-11-03T13:22:00.000-05:002008-11-03T13:22:00.000-05:00Chelsea: BINGO! Excellent revision. You ought to g...Chelsea: BINGO! Excellent revision. You ought to get plenty of agent bites from it!<BR/><BR/>(Not a query comment, but Darren Darling? Dunno. Alliterative names are usually pretty off-putting to begin with, but that one just grates with its cuteness. IMO. That name was the only thing I stumbled over in this query version.)Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-32991076390596162092008-10-31T17:03:00.000-04:002008-10-31T17:03:00.000-04:00All right my darlings . . . here is another versio...All right my darlings . . . here is another version I've come up with. For those of you still posting, thank you kindly! And EE, if there is another place you'd prefer I post this rewrite, feel free to let me know or else move it wherever you like :)<BR/><BR/>The Last Changeling Query 2.0<BR/><BR/>Elora has led a revolution against the High Courts of Faerie, dethroned the tyrannical Unseelie King and Queen, and walked in the iron-laced world of humans, but now she’s faced with a different kind of problem: she’s fallen in love with a human. <BR/><BR/>In The Last Changeling, an 85,000-word YA urban fantasy, Elora has always known that faeries were meant to live as equals. But when she rebels against her own family, freeing the common fey from centuries of bondage, the fallen royals are hungry for revenge. Fleeing to the human world, where the greediness of humanity and the excessive use of iron have kept the Unseelie fey at bay, Elora finds an unexpected ally in Darren Darling, a high school senior whose mere presence sets her soul aflame. <BR/><BR/>Elora knows she cannot stay in the human world forever; she must return to Faerie, defeat her enemies, and work to unite her people. But the more time she spends with Darren, the clearer it becomes that she can’t leave without him. Can she convince him to embark on a dangerous journey across the Faerie lands, forsaking his family and his friends, to engage in a battle that could lead to sudden death . . . or eternal love?Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76011790928844654532008-10-31T10:09:00.000-04:002008-10-31T10:09:00.000-04:00chelsea, i guess i'm confused. if Elora is really...chelsea, <BR/><BR/>i guess i'm confused. if Elora is really trying to fit into HS life, then she WOULD be angsting over homecoming or zits or finishing her english paper. if she weren't, she would instead be masquerading. your comment that she's actually much, much older also threw me a bit.<BR/><BR/>then again, fantasy (urban, YA or otherwise) isn't a genre i read much, so take it for what it's worth.EBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14361825595951678685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37899600227515868242008-10-30T19:55:00.000-04:002008-10-30T19:55:00.000-04:00Not at all, your comments are very helpful. And ac...Not at all, your comments are very helpful. And actually, I'm sick of books set in high schools for no reason! And am annoyed at how many have come out since I started writing this thing. But such is life. <BR/><BR/>Half of it is still in Faerie, though :)Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30684188415409824392008-10-30T19:06:00.000-04:002008-10-30T19:06:00.000-04:00Don't mind me. I'm just sick of books/films/tv se...Don't mind me. I'm just sick of books/films/tv series set in US high schools :).nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78022113785212719462008-10-30T16:02:00.000-04:002008-10-30T16:02:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Chelsea Pitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301150715189103602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29094786228178761272008-10-30T11:02:00.000-04:002008-10-30T11:02:00.000-04:00I can't really add anything new, but I'm highly di...I can't really add anything new, but I'm highly disappointed we didn't get a guess-the-plot involving Bruce Leroy and Sho'Nuff.Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969399927758009095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58431412089663371252008-10-30T09:36:00.000-04:002008-10-30T09:36:00.000-04:00I have a little trouble believing that high school...I have a little trouble believing that high school is the best place to blend in. I remember high school as a place of being on constant display, where everyone knows everyone else's business. If she's centuries old, she should be able to carry herself like a young adult and pass as a high-school graduate, get an apartment somewhere quietly, and only go out to get her groceries.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14743847304354659362008-10-30T07:22:00.000-04:002008-10-30T07:22:00.000-04:00Accusatory? ME?:DYou definitely don't want to go ...Accusatory? ME?<BR/><BR/>:D<BR/><BR/>You definitely don't want to go with Last Scion: think "Dogma".nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.com