tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3717228095311818162..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1168Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91106521142944743982013-11-15T16:49:27.419-05:002013-11-15T16:49:27.419-05:00@ PicardyRose - you're right abut the soldiers...@ PicardyRose - you're right abut the soldiers. <br /><br />There's a scene in Ian McEwan's Atonement (probably the most compelling in the entire book) featuring soldiers airlifted straight from Dunkirk to London for medical treatment. <br /><br />That scene caused controversy as McEwen was accused of plagarising from a memoir about nursing in WW1. Jo-Ann Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027989147411624378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24599368724901128512013-11-14T20:30:31.470-05:002013-11-14T20:30:31.470-05:00Rose,
I like the story ideas. The wounded British...Rose,<br /><br />I like the story ideas. The wounded British solders of 1916 were not likely to be a horny lot. It was a time when young men were more likely to be a bit formal rather than a bit randy. That is especially true in a London hospital were nurses could affect their treatment.<br /><br />When you revise the query, you might want to emphasize the animation of the dead and tell some of the problems it causes Daisy. Then what she does about it. The query must be about Daisy. Make her sympathetic and put her in grave peril. <br />Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34512839059643055112013-11-13T20:20:22.878-05:002013-11-13T20:20:22.878-05:00This is the author.
Poor innocent Capt. Ferrar, ...This is the author. <br /><br />Poor innocent Capt. Ferrar, just trying to be kind to that lonely girl with the mop. <br /><br />EE: Sometimes the soldiers were brought straight to London from the battlefield, covered with blood, mud and lice -- hey, I should have put them in the query! How fun would that have been?<br /><br />I haven't written much of this. Maybe I'll give it up and turn #6 into a picture book.<br /><br />Thanks, everyone. (wink-wink!)<br />PicardyRosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00281013078463912695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-82555609713039018922013-11-13T18:09:06.817-05:002013-11-13T18:09:06.817-05:00Hi, author. Late to the party as ususal, I hope my...Hi, author. Late to the party as ususal, I hope my comments are still useful to you.<br /><br />My reading of the query was that it started as 'plucky orphan girl makes her way in the big bad world' which appeals to one type of readership, then veers off suddenly in zombie- medical thriller territory, which might have an overlap of audience, but might lose some readers.<br /><br />My suggestion is to perhaps reword your query to focus on whichever aspect you see as the main point of the novel. So if the thriller aspects rule, try something along the lines of "but the convival hospital atmosphere hides nefarious goings-on when she stumbles on a top secret experiment which places Mr love-interest directly at risk as a donor of healthy tissue"... or if it's a horror story "but reanimated corpses are hard to control, and soon London faces an epidemic of zombies who need food...lots of it" or the romance aspect "but Mr Love-interest's parents would never accept an Irish girl... and why does Mr Love-interest disappear into the hospital basement ever night?"<br /><br />I think you get the gist.<br /><br />@ Veronica, I agree with your comments about the soldier's and Daisy's ages, and the marriage pathway aspect. My mother's aunt was married at age 16 in the WW1 era, and even though that was still considered young, it was not scandalously so (it wasn't a forced or arranged marriage either). I think 18 was a good age for a girl to get hitched back then. <br /><br />But as you say, adding a few years to Daisy's age might make it more comfortable for a publisher to take it on.<br /><br />Jo-Ann Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027989147411624378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-36629934413718814972013-11-13T07:55:09.756-05:002013-11-13T07:55:09.756-05:00With regard to Anon's comments. I have been a ...With regard to Anon's comments. I have been a 15 y/o girl. And grown men did leer at me.<br /><br />However, in the query's context, women this age, in the era described, would be on a path to marriage. And it's not unbelievable that these soldiers are within a handful of years of Daisy. <br /><br />So, we're not (perhaps) talking about creepy old dudes hitting on an innocent. And attraction of caregiver to patient is a well-established phenomenon. <br /><br />The bigger issue is selling a YA paranormal historical romance. In truth it wouldn't hurt if Daisy were a bit older...but I don't think protag age is going to be the biggest hurdle, by far.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-24063556682354376182013-11-13T00:52:37.912-05:002013-11-13T00:52:37.912-05:00Ahh, to be fifteen again.
To experience the simu...Ahh, to be fifteen again. <br /><br />To experience the simultaneous rush of the power of your developing sexuality over others... and the sheer terror of it. A sideways glance is exhilirating (cue giggling), being 'hit on', however, is yuck, even scary. (Unless it's by your crush, in which case you are obliged to make a complete idiot of yourself).<br /><br />Very confusing times! <br /><br />But I digress. <br /><br />Firstly, I dont think those hospitalised with war injuries could do more than tease, so Daisy might have felt safe enough in the wards to laugh-off their comments. It might have even helped her to cope with the confronting sight of amputated limbs or missing eyes. <br /><br />Secondly, a vulnerable 15 year old orphan might seek the security of an older man in authority, (even if such protections came with benefits. Sad, really).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-22486276359465733432013-11-12T18:10:58.834-05:002013-11-12T18:10:58.834-05:00In re: to Anonymous: plenty of us HAVE enjoyed the...In re: to Anonymous: plenty of us HAVE enjoyed the fantasy of desirable older men hitting on us. I won't diss a good wish-fulfillment storyline. For the sake of agents who agree with Anonymous instead of me, though, it couldn't hurt to cut that line down to how she enjoys the teasing from this one specific hottie.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9309917819272802822013-11-12T15:48:31.048-05:002013-11-12T15:48:31.048-05:00Have you ever been a 15-year-old girl?
If so, did...Have you ever been a 15-year-old girl?<br /><br />If so, did you "enjoy" the "teasing" of grown men hitting on you?<br /><br />No further questions, your honor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35080489375892005732013-11-12T15:47:37.227-05:002013-11-12T15:47:37.227-05:00Oh, I want to hook you up with this chick: http://...Oh, I want to hook you up with this chick: http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-beginning-668.html Vampires, not Frankensteinian monsters, though.<br /><br />Agree with the others--give specific actions of the protagonist, specific goals and consequences--but I like the premise.150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74874364908336690102013-11-12T14:43:20.538-05:002013-11-12T14:43:20.538-05:00Hi author!
Interesting premise. It's mostly s...Hi author! <br />Interesting premise. It's mostly set-up however. And why is Daisy on her own in London? No parents? <br /><br />I really don't understand the conflict. Daisy has to choose whether to tell her inside info to...someone.<br /><br />And confiding might cause trouble...<br /><br />Seems to me, if I was a waif using an assumed identity, I'd carry on, saying nada to no one, and live to tell the tale to my grandkids.<br /><br />What sort of complications arise when Delinda returns? Tells us the STAKES Daisy faces, don't just assume we know, because we don't. We're creative people. We could come up with seven different (probably snarky) situations--for myself I'd assume her parents become zombies, too--and none of these are probably even close to how you want our thoughts directed...<br /><br />Best of luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.com