tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post3413368053857902097..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1138Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90864478980855070422013-07-06T16:32:24.453-04:002013-07-06T16:32:24.453-04:001600Thank you all so, so much for your feedback an...1600Thank you all so, so much for your feedback and thank you, EE, for the opportunity to share my attempts at a query letter and for your invaluable input.<br /><br />I'm sitting at Starbuck's trying so hard not to giggle at some of the comments!<br /><br />Most heartfelt thanks.<br /><br />Have a wonderful weekend!Sweet and Sour Cookiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10851802696628849507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89458564826358066962013-07-06T11:51:00.810-04:002013-07-06T11:51:00.810-04:00Btw, there are several pieces of bad advice about ...Btw, there are several pieces of bad advice about queries that bounce around from writing site to writing site. I guess they get repeated because they <i>sound</i> true.<br /><br />The ones that come to mind are:<br /><br />1. You should open with a log-line.<br /><br />2. Mention your writing credentials, whatever they are.<br /><br />3. Model your query on book jacket copy. In fact, your query may well become your book jacket copy!<br /><br />The problems with these nuggets of wisdom are:<br /><br />1. Very few people can do this well. If you think of a brilliant log-line and if it fits into the query organically, go for it. Otherwise, leave it out. It doesn't matter.<br /><br />2. Mentioning minor credentials merely accentuates the lack of major ones. And experience isn't required, anyway. Let your story speak for itself.<br /><br />3. Book jacket copy is meant to entice. A query is meant to inform. Hinting at action and plot points is fine on a book jacket, but won't work in a query.<br /><br />(Oh, and your query will not become your jacket copy. Editors write jacket copy. Maybe people in marketing write it sometimes, I dunno. Only once have I ever been allowed to so much as <i>tweak</i> my jacket copy.)<br /><br />Think audience when you write your query. Audience = a busy agent who wants the facts of the story.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-77231633687950804652013-07-05T21:23:06.886-04:002013-07-05T21:23:06.886-04:00Hi author!
Could you give us a sense of how rare a...Hi author!<br />Could you give us a sense of how rare a Reader is? I light of your stars metaphor (yes, I'm punning here) I think there must be a bazillion--b/c when the smog is washed clean and we brown out in Chi-town I can actually see tons of stars shining in the sky.<br /><br />You have no mention fo the non-Readers, or regular inhabitants of this world. Do they exist? of is it only Hayley the REader-star and Josef the Incredible Liar and the gov't baddies hot on their trail...<br /><br />I ask, because mentioning how Hayley interacts within society seems key to this plot and is lacking in this query. <br /><br />Why on Jupiter would Josef want to kidnap a Reader? To what purpose? Is he a mafioso who needs to learn if his generals are mentirosos?<br /><br />Is this meant for the Christian market? If so, say so. There are specific agents and publishers who salivate over moralistic tales.<br /><br />What is up with the plague? Is there some way that Hayley helps with the plague...or is this incidental? If she doesn't have a role in ending it perhaps you can omit and give us a sense of WHAT SHE DOES. <br /><br />Best of luck. <br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18159799725109784001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12495481098024400702013-07-05T17:02:53.795-04:002013-07-05T17:02:53.795-04:00"...but a Reader isn't meant to live. &qu..."...but a Reader isn't meant to live. " Scared me into thinking that if I read your book I'll die. I would leave this out or rephrase it.CavalierdeNuithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09862976676163347369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18897604517259663582013-07-05T12:13:47.079-04:002013-07-05T12:13:47.079-04:00
Josef is vain, and a heavy user of botox. No one...<br />Josef is vain, and a heavy user of botox. No one can read his expression, not even a Reader. <br /> IMHOnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8330200488571931742013-07-05T08:31:03.029-04:002013-07-05T08:31:03.029-04:00So this woman whose sole function in her society i...So this woman whose sole function in her society is to tell whether or not someone is lying can't tell whether or not Josef is lying.<br /><br />Is he wearing a mask?nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46652835241692334932013-07-04T23:54:00.682-04:002013-07-04T23:54:00.682-04:00What makes Hayley a Reader?
What happens if she ju...What makes Hayley a Reader?<br />What happens if she just quits?<br />How are the stakes raised once she escapes her slave-like existence? <br /><br />You mention she's forbidden to make a choice. I suspect THAT is your story. First she makes the choice to escape her life of servitude. That leads to another choice that lands her with the smugger. Choice after choice, and her struggle with making choices gets complicated the more she moves through the story. Maybe she reaches a point where she wishes she didn't have to make the hard choices, and that's when she must make the most difficult choice of all. <br /><br />Of course, you'll need to be more specific about the choices and their consequences. Good luck!<br />PLaFnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63927771629344520432013-07-04T22:51:37.497-04:002013-07-04T22:51:37.497-04:00Her fate is set, pressed upon her like a thumbprin...<i>Her fate is set, pressed upon her like a thumbprint. But when an unexpected opportunity lands in her lap, an instinct for survival she wasn’t even aware she possessed kicks in, and Hayley finds herself free of her bonds. Unfortunately, she lands in the hands of a smuggler named Josef</i><br /><br />That's three sentences without your protagonist actually doing anything. And yet it seems in those sentences that she <i>must</i> be doing things. It can't all be fate and instinct and landing in her lap/someone else's hands. Tell us what she does.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-8610516377424414552013-07-04T18:40:49.286-04:002013-07-04T18:40:49.286-04:00It’s too long and doesn’t show enough of the story...It’s too long and doesn’t show enough of the story. It has adjectives that do not contribute value: sole, even, new [does she have old captors?], own, very. And kill the first paragraph. <br /><br />These are phrases that contribute little: “By virtue of her birth”, “Trained to read emotions”, “when an unexpected opportunity lands in her lap”, “In order”, “and navigate a plague-ridden world”.<br /><br />These are tells: “Her fate is set, pressed upon her like a thumbprint.”, “There is more than wounded pride and forsaken morality at stake”. We don't care about fate, thumbprints, pride or morality: what happens?<br /><br />We don’t want your opinion of the story but we do want the story. <br /><br />You try to tell us about the story without telling us anything of the story. Get it down to sixty words then include details that add “color” to the characters or the story. <br /><br />It’s hard to do. If it were easy, query websites would not exist.<br />Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.com