tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post2638553572586188721..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 359Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-56828984032258558872007-06-26T08:29:00.000-04:002007-06-26T08:29:00.000-04:00Thanks for the feedback everyone. I've had a hell ...Thanks for the feedback everyone. I've had a hell of a time getting this query put together in a non-convoluted manner, and also trying to work in how the vampires in this story aren't your typical gothic sort of vamps. Phoenix, your feedback has been especially helpful, so extra kudos to you. Most of the points everyone made here are valid, and hopefully will help me end up with a more concise and interesting query.<BR/><BR/>As for the unique bit. When we die, the doorway opens to the other side and one's 'soul' is pulled across to the other side. If the will to live is sufficiently strong, one can prolong this normally instantaneous effect for a few moments, however if one consumes the blood of another during this time, the other side draws the spiritual energy from this and one is able to keep that doorway to the world of the dead open as it were. Keeping the doorway open allows one to draw power from the world of the dead, thus the vampires greater than ordinary powers. Drink enough blood and one can literally cross over to the other side and tap into more energy by consuming the souls that reside there.<BR/><BR/>Because he's never consumed enough blood to realize this, Nick has never been able to best Cornelius. At the end, Jackie has to let him drink her to the verge of death in order to open up the doorway enough to draw them through and save them from the trap set by Cornelius. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, thanks again everyone. Now I'll see what I can come up with for a new query.<BR/><BR/>JDuncan<BR/>www.jimnduncan.comJDuncanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00487305836910594252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-69305323112338433012007-06-22T09:54:00.000-04:002007-06-22T09:54:00.000-04:00I see nothing here that would make this novel stan...I see nothing here that would make this novel stand apart from the 100,000 other vampire novels involving a dead body drained of blood, tortured "I don't wanna be a vampire" vampires, and cops/agents/etc. <BR/><BR/>With the glut of vampire mysteries on the market, you're going to have to have something outstanding... and this doesn't seem to have that.<BR/><BR/>Word verification: clotsy<BR/><BR/>Now that's just funny, given the subject at hand.Heather Dudleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04186324266078999666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-2605156369746185842007-06-21T08:50:00.000-04:002007-06-21T08:50:00.000-04:00150 - "feathers" - OMG good thing my chai wasn't r...150 - <I>"feathers"</I> - OMG good thing my chai wasn't ready yet.<BR/><BR/>phoenix - awesome rewrite!<BR/><BR/>word ver - tbmwtowr - a famous castle in wales.Twillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16254392137759837985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46285101494353714592007-06-21T08:38:00.000-04:002007-06-21T08:38:00.000-04:00Dear Roger...bite me.Dear Roger...bite me.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84704195960437200682007-06-20T23:22:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:22:00.000-04:00REI, There are other examples of oddly complex sto...REI, <BR/>There are other examples of oddly complex stories that require "out-of-the-box" hooks and plot descriptions. <BR/><BR/>It's like describing Dostoyevski's "Crime and Punishment" by its title. It's too pat, too easy. It doesn't do justice to the eloquence of the story. <BR/><BR/>I once read a critical review of William Styron's "Sophie's Choice" as <I>A southern boy loses his virginity to a survivor of the Nazi death camps.</I> and that, is not what Styron wrote. <BR/><BR/>These tiny, three or four sentence plot summaries are hard to write. They require a certain imagination and Savoir-Faire. I find it useful to see what others write of plots that I know and understand.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-76922140241937704562007-06-20T23:11:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:11:00.000-04:00Also, another vampire.I missed this in the first r...<I>Also, another vampire.</I><BR/><BR/>I missed this in the first reading of the GTPs. Brilliant, EE. Simply brilliant.<BR/><BR/>I am thrilled to learn that someone had two rats named Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78888402398902727942007-06-20T23:09:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:09:00.000-04:00So Nick should be a werewolf?So Nick should be a werewolf?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-56988168082360902152007-06-20T23:07:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:07:00.000-04:00They have feathers!Oh, cool. Dracula meets The Bi...<I>They have feathers!</I><BR/><BR/>Oh, cool. Dracula meets The Birdcage! Not sure I'd read it, but I'd watch the Showtime series.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-91864998461590350162007-06-20T23:06:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:06:00.000-04:00Your minions thank you. They are invaluable.Thank ...<I>Your minions thank you. They are invaluable.</I><BR/><BR/>Thank you, Bernita, for the nice plug. Right now, however, I am not in valuable. I am in Minneapolis.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-74275442013364778472007-06-20T22:13:00.000-04:002007-06-20T22:13:00.000-04:00I've heard rumors that vampire stories have recent...I've heard rumors that vampire stories have recently proliferated to the ad nauseum point, so agents are now looking for all things "paranormal" without vampires. But that might be wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46899123261850984392007-06-20T20:06:00.000-04:002007-06-20T20:06:00.000-04:00Dave:I've never seen Diva, but from what I've foun...Dave:<BR/><BR/>I've never seen Diva, but from what I've found about it from searching the web (say, <A HREF="http://filmreference.com/Films-De-Dr/Diva.html" REL="nofollow">this</A>), its plot doesn't sound nearly as complex as a number of things I've seen. <A HREF="http://www.cjas.org/~leng/lain.htm" REL="nofollow">Serial Experiments Lain</A>, for example (even ignoring its length). :) Sounds more of a "<A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_City" REL="nofollow">Dark City</A>" complexity, perhaps even as much as a "<A HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_City" REL="nofollow">Donnie Darko</A>" (doubtful, but perhaps), but not as much as an "<A HREF="http://www.cjas.org/~leng/lain.htm" REL="nofollow">End of Evangelion</A>" (which had a pamphlet released to correspond with the movie (the 'Red Cross Book') to help viewers make sense of it).<BR/><BR/>But hey, I probably shouldn't judge a movie by a synopsis. :) And your main point still stands, because if I really tried, I could still come up with a hook for those.Reihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17005292189176596201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-34347868813797969892007-06-20T19:31:00.000-04:002007-06-20T19:31:00.000-04:00The question shouldn't be why do I have to do 100,...The question shouldn't be why do I have to do 100,000. It should be, Why are you quitting so soon?Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81316734779808978172007-06-20T19:29:00.000-04:002007-06-20T19:29:00.000-04:00Theo,He has to do 100,000 FaceLifts 'cause he can ...Theo,<BR/><BR/>He has to do 100,000 FaceLifts 'cause he can never go away. <BR/><BR/>I'd like to think that number is a confirmation of this important fact.<BR/><BR/>RobinAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81136723467602120522007-06-20T19:17:00.000-04:002007-06-20T19:17:00.000-04:00I once had two rats named Rosencrantz and Guildens...I once had two rats named Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I would read GTP #6. If it were written by Tom Stoppard.<BR/><BR/>Woot! #400 EE! <BR/><BR/>This query could use some focus and tightening. There seems to be a lot here that doesn't need to be here in favor of what does. Main thing missing, as has been pointed out, is what makes your vampire different? 100 years is a long time to be in denial. You hint that Nick somehow allowed himself to be made a vampire simply so he could continue his manhunt for Drake. But is that what makes him different? I'm not feeling it so much.<BR/><BR/>But here are some things that can go in order to make room for elaborating on the "wow!" stuff that's going to make an agent...um...bite.<BR/><BR/>The "should appeal to..." sentence can go. You've said what the genre is and acknowledged the agent is looking for just that kind of thing.<BR/><BR/>The "dark" and "emotionally troubled" character stuff can go to. Call it a dark paranormal suspense and the query reader will get it. <BR/><BR/>Laurel is a subplot. I don't even know if Laurel is male or female. But s/he's not really doing anything in this query other than taking up space.<BR/><BR/>Jackie's past can hit the road, too. You don't elaborate on it, so you don't draw us into it. Don't know what it is + you don't tell me = I don't care. At least not in the query.<BR/><BR/>So, bubbled down and tightened up, something like:<BR/><BR/>Dear Agent:<BR/><BR/>I read on your blog you are actively seeking dark paranormal suspense. A COLD, DARK PLACE, complete at 118,000 words, offers a vampire of a different sort: one who [doesn't brood and isn't full of angst - obviously not, so stick in right up front why Nick is different].<BR/><BR/>When PI Nick Anderson is fingered as the person last seen with a [homeless] boy who just turned up as a blood-drained corpse, FBI agent Jackie Rutledge naturally makes Nick her prime suspect. Nick didn't do it, but he knows who did. And he's been tracking the killer for 140 years. It was then vampire Cornelius Drake massacred Nick's family, leaving Nick barely alive, filled with guilt, and with one goal: revenge. But as the years drew on and he was no closer to his family's killer, he sought in desperation for the one thing that would put him on the same playing field as Drake. He allowed himself to be turned. And he's regretted [what about it] ever since.<BR/> <BR/>But now Jackie's bureau partner winds up dead by Drake's hand, and Jackie's own personal demons have her chasing down the killer - with Nick beside her. When Drake traps the two of them [where], only one option for survival remains. One that failed 140 years ago, but just might work today. Nick must accept what he is, turn Jackie into that self-same nightmare, and take them both over to the world of the dead where Drake has even more power - and only [whatever] can defeat him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25828026518459349062007-06-20T18:04:00.000-04:002007-06-20T18:04:00.000-04:00Congrats on #400, EE. You're on fire again- "refre...Congrats on #400, EE. <BR/><BR/>You're on fire again- "refreshing beverage". Yeah. And "I don't think I've ever received a query letter in which the term "sick bastard" was used so often so early".<BR/><BR/>Author,<BR/><BR/>It seems like you're trying to make your manuscript sound interesting enough to grab the attention of the reader/agent without giving any key plot details away. I tried that as well.<BR/>It didn't work for me.<BR/><BR/>I think your book sounds interesting- vampires have been fascinating for a long time. I don't ever want to be bitten, by anyone, ever, but somehow reading about someone else's bites doesn't seem to bother me at all. Loved reading Bram Stoker's Dracula. And recently, I read another vampire manuscript that was, well, freaking steamy.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I think you may have to tell more of the actual story, to separate yourself from the other vampire books out there. At least, that's what I'm told.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-38777342473436531452007-06-20T17:06:00.000-04:002007-06-20T17:06:00.000-04:00Why do you have to do 100,000 facelifts, EE? Is t...Why do you have to do 100,000 facelifts, EE? Is that the only way you can redeem yourself from the ancient curse that haunts you? Or does the fate of humanity depend upon it?shaded-lilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14006767625596152527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60084412107033575802007-06-20T17:00:00.000-04:002007-06-20T17:00:00.000-04:00Before I go and cook dinner, I want to make a stat...Before I go and cook dinner, I want to make a statement about complex plots. <BR/><BR/>The most complex plot I know of - - one that has two, very different story lines - vastly different storylines is the movie DIVA. the movie's been showing on cable. <BR/><BR/>This is the blurb on IMDB: <BR/><I>Young Parisian mail courier is content with his bohemian lifestyle, his circle of friends and listening to opera, particularly one exceptional American diva who refuses to be recorded. So enamored with her, he makes an illegal tape of her at a concert. But when the tape is confused with one implicating a police chief with the mob, he must use all his ingenuity to survive.</I><BR/><BR/>So please, take a gander, watch the movie (or read the novel it came from) and then try to improve these few words.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-64648277440060082802007-06-20T16:21:00.000-04:002007-06-20T16:21:00.000-04:00I, too, wrote a GTP about a refrigerator. But #6 ...I, too, wrote a GTP about a refrigerator. But #6 puts mine to shame.<BR/><BR/>-mbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27727870433069549062007-06-20T16:13:00.000-04:002007-06-20T16:13:00.000-04:00just a few more comments, then i'll shut up.PI Nic...just a few more comments, then i'll shut up.<BR/><BR/>PI Nick Anderson was the sick bastard that Jackie and her psychic partner, Laurel suspected of killing the boy. <BR/><BR/>So I guess the psychic didn’t know it was the wrong guy, or that any of these guys are vampires? Is Laurel’s real name Sister Stella – because I think I paid $20 for a reading from her in Austin. It sucked.<BR/><BR/>Only, he knows who the real killer is, and knows that the FBI is no match for him.<BR/><BR/>Is no match for whom? Nick? The sick bastard? Or is nick still the sick bastard in the story? Let’s give the sick bastard a name, shall we?<BR/><BR/><BR/>Laurel is the only agent who knows her past, (no comma here) and has enabled Jackie to keep it from boiling over into her current life. <BR/>as opposed to her past life? Wait, is she a vampire too? I wanna be a vampire! Wouldn’t you like to be a vampire, too? Is she a toys-r-us kid, too?<BR/><BR/>Nick has been chasing the killer for 140 years now, (instead of before or later) riddled with guilt over the death of his family and what he allowed himself to become in order to catch him. <BR/>Catch who? There are too many pronouns to keep all these sick bastards straight.<BR/><BR/>He refuses to be the one thing that will allow him (WHO???) to catch Cornelius Drake. <BR/><BR/>Their trust for one another is pushed to the ultimate limit <BR/>As opposed to the semi-soft limit – where EE sits when he has the chance to make a PMS joke about women and doesn’t. chicken.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17574482298403709795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18471648335229401002007-06-20T15:47:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:47:00.000-04:00Hey 150 did you happen to read the S.E. Hinton, "H...Hey 150 did you happen to read the S.E. Hinton, "Hawk Harbor" (I think that was the title) vampire book a few years back? I enjoyed it. <BR/>Whoever wrote GTPs #3 and #5 should flesh out those story lines and write, write, write. They both sound great. Obviously, Tommy and Marcie enjoy his "hard" times. And "Spanky Spore" heh,heh.<BR/><BR/>Author --<BR/><BR/><I>PI Nick Anderson was the sick bastard that Jackie and her psychic partner, Laurel suspected of killing the boy.</I> -- I think present tense would work better for both verbs.<BR/><I>Only, he knows who the real killer is, and knows that the FBI is no match for him.</I> -- the use of "only" here would be more effective if it were the 2nd clause of a more complex sentence.<BR/><BR/><I>Nick knows because he has the same need of the killer...</I> -- the same need <I>as</I> the killer?<BR/> <BR/><I>Nick has been chasing the killer for 140 years now, riddled with guilt over the death of his family and what he allowed himself to become in order to catch him.</I> Ah, Nick is a vampire! Why didn't you just say that 3 paragraphs ago? Or does Nick just have really, really good longevity genes?<BR/><BR/><I>When Drake makes Laurel one of his victims, Jackie’s life begins to fall apart, and despite his best efforts to push her away, Nick finds that he needs her help if Drake is going to be caught.</I> -- it's two, two sentences in one! I'd suggest a "." after "apart" Also, one sentence that contains the names of four characters that I barely know seems a bit much.<BR/>And finally: can someone state that plot in one sentence, please?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72071864722473721712007-06-20T15:12:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:12:00.000-04:00What's EE editing in the clip art?What's EE editing in the clip art?Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65541074767573896622007-06-20T15:10:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:10:00.000-04:00And congratulations, EE, on the 400th Face Lift.Yo...And congratulations, EE, on the 400th Face Lift.<BR/>Your minions thank you. They are invaluable.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30406235042193530532007-06-20T15:08:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:08:00.000-04:00hey, why do you keep calling him a sick bastard, a...hey, why do you keep calling him a sick bastard, anyway? <BR/><BR/>what's a little blood-letting between friends these days. c'mom, it's all the rage in LA now. or is that just me...<BR/><BR/>i have to say that despite the twisted up query letter, i'd be tempted to read this. i think it would make a great bedtime story.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17574482298403709795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72755993013914347552007-06-20T15:04:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:04:00.000-04:00ohh, i loved the GTPs! i was hoping the story was...ohh, i loved the GTPs! i was hoping the story was 2 or 3. hey, can i write those stories or is everyone already on that bandwagon?Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17574482298403709795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9769010769742095092007-06-20T15:02:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:02:00.000-04:00"Jackie has spent her ten years in the bureau catc..."Jackie has spent her ten years in the bureau catching sociopaths, poor substitutes for the one she was never able to catch as a child."<BR/><BR/>she tried to catch sociopaths as a child?? what?<BR/><BR/>and all it did was play twister. maybe her game of twister got a little too twisted??Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17574482298403709795noreply@blogger.com