tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post2108331463655896618..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 676Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-14325507181560144242009-08-22T13:25:18.210-04:002009-08-22T13:25:18.210-04:00I'm kind of disappointed there weren't mor...I'm kind of disappointed there weren't more men represented in the panel. I think a universal opinion would have been more helpful to the writer.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61264253137136765022009-08-21T21:19:41.811-04:002009-08-21T21:19:41.811-04:00Seems a little depressing for something that start...Seems a little depressing for something that starts out like a fairy tale. Then again, it sounded like Narnia in style, and that had a witch trying to kill some kids._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-63139413448390575232009-08-21T20:21:54.004-04:002009-08-21T20:21:54.004-04:00Thank you for the great continuation and all the c...Thank you for the great continuation and all the comments. The story is meant to be a fairy tale about the soon-to-be-orphaned Elinore's quest to murder a unicorn.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90931337618923987692009-08-21T15:52:23.442-04:002009-08-21T15:52:23.442-04:00I like the tone. I would read more.I like the tone. I would read more.Kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00923975835078747456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-90554911765976595322009-08-21T15:21:05.597-04:002009-08-21T15:21:05.597-04:00It reads like the opening to a traditional fairy t...It reads like the opening to a traditional fairy tale. Fairy tales are usually very short, so the mile-a-minute pacing is OK, but if this is novel-length I need less telling and more showing in order to continue reading.<br /><br />I was distracted by the careless use of some words - you need to verify that words actually mean what you think they do. Pleasantry is not a synonym for diversion, and a solemn pleasantry is a contradiction. Plus, "sewing embroidery" is like "cooking baking". You either cook or bake, and you either sew or embroider.<br /><br />I see lots of possibilities for the story, though, and I like the setup.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-46918467607149880582009-08-21T12:34:15.123-04:002009-08-21T12:34:15.123-04:00There is a nice flow to this. Not sure I would rea...There is a nice flow to this. Not sure I would read on though. It sounds more like character sketches than the beginning of a story. Maybe with some judicious cutting and then getting into the story really, really soon.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-33336621429465431622009-08-21T11:17:07.322-04:002009-08-21T11:17:07.322-04:00Cut either, The Countess felt safe there. or, Sure...Cut either, The Countess felt safe there. or, Surely no plague would find them in such a distant and splendid place. You may not need either of them.<br /><br />Skip, She was flighty as a sparrow. You also may be able to cut, She also failed at lessons and prayers.<br /><br />The narrative style of this works for me; you do a lot of telling, not showing, but the way you do it shows more. It has a definite storytelling voice to it--it even reminds me a bit of C.S. Lewis, in the way it sounds like he's a grandfather telling a story to his grandchildren. (Do NOT mention this in your query, on pain of... dismemberment, death, and Hillary Clinton Kiss Torture.)<br /><br />Anyway, I would definitely read on._*rachel*_https://www.blogger.com/profile/03293167107180931700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26409086370375566392009-08-21T10:22:47.167-04:002009-08-21T10:22:47.167-04:00If the story is set in Warwyck castle, I'm oka...If the story is set in Warwyck castle, I'm okay with the brevity of the account of the circumstances that led to them being there. Especially if it gets us to the scene where the kitchenman is impaled by the unicorn a little faster.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85839528658646618932009-08-21T10:05:02.526-04:002009-08-21T10:05:02.526-04:00Fleeing a place called Champagne just breaks my he...Fleeing a place called Champagne just breaks my heart.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-27806296711193987282009-08-21T10:02:00.374-04:002009-08-21T10:02:00.374-04:00Guess it's a good thing I left off the third ...Guess it's a good thing I left off the third paragraph, where they come to America, take a wagon train to California and meet Sir Francis Drake.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65223470892401110622009-08-21T09:56:16.730-04:002009-08-21T09:56:16.730-04:00Here's my beef: They flee on a ship to London,...Here's my beef: They flee on a ship to London, they read and pray and make embroideries, fail at lessons and prayers, get bored and want to wander the grounds, all in two paragraphs?<br /><br />The pacing is killing me.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28410332161432128622009-08-21T09:38:59.195-04:002009-08-21T09:38:59.195-04:00Unchosen continuations:
Prince Arden was working...Unchosen continuations:<br /><br /><br />Prince Arden was working out by lifting weights, swinging swords, boxing, listing items, and drinking magical potions to develop his enchanted muscles. But he was always glad to make time for girls like Elinore.<br /><br />--EP<br /><br /><br />So Elinore would get up at the crack of dawn, long before her mother, and sneak out into the wild wood, looking for unicorns. But no matter how hard she looked, she never found any. Was it true what some said, she wondered, that the unicorn was nothing more than a legend? Or was it true what others said, that her long weekend spent with the boys of the Champagne et Valois Jousting Team had permanently disqualified her from unicorn hunting?<br /><br />--Steve Wright<br /><br /><br />For many a long day in that peaceful, sun-dappled summer Elinore wandered the forest, in search of a gleaming white unicorn with a sweeping mane and pearl-dusted horn that would bow at her approach and lay its proud head in her lap. But helas, no unicorn, not even a small or somewhat beige one, ever appeared to her.<br /><br />So Elinore took herself once again to the Earl's cousin's wife, who listened as the girl poured forth her tale of woe.<br /><br />"No unicorn?" she said. "Well, of course not, child. Didn't your mother tell you to keep away from travelers and kitchenmen? But you didn't listen, did you? No unicorns for you, my poppet."<br /><br />--Marissa Doyle<br /><br /><br />One sultry summer night, when the Moon’s radiance spread over Warwyck’s walls, Elinore slipped on a dark dress and crept across the grass toward the woods. Arden. She could see the twisting trees and hear the call of the nightingale. And then she saw a flash of white. A unicorn flicked its tail, lowered its horn, and stepped out of the trees toward her.<br /><br />“Hey, babe, got a quarter?” it said.<br /><br />--Kool KatEvil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com