tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1683338452216198149..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 363Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-23477110285976585292007-06-26T22:21:00.000-04:002007-06-26T22:21:00.000-04:00I'm struggling to connect palindromes and number t...I'm struggling to connect palindromes and number theory with the history of hypnotism; can't quite see how that would work, but... I will obey, master.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39178513351686139852007-06-26T14:43:00.000-04:002007-06-26T14:43:00.000-04:00"Harry Grimes" sounds too much like porn star Harr...<I>"Harry Grimes" sounds too much like porn star Harry Reems.</I><BR/><BR/>Thank you, EE! I was trying to figure out why that name was ringing bells in my head.<BR/><BR/>I thought the postcard thing sounded cool. I was even willing to keep reading after the thing about mystical meanings of numbers.<BR/><BR/>But as a mathphobe, I'd never, ever buy this once I found out about the palindromes and puzzles and number games and equasions or whatever. It reminds me of "The Eight" by Katherine Neville, which annoyed me so much I couldn't finish.Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969399927758009095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-28999776275360192202007-06-26T14:24:00.000-04:002007-06-26T14:24:00.000-04:00When I was reading this query, I was thinking abou...When I was reading this query, I was thinking about the "Naked Gun" series of movies. I really enjoy them, and this query came off sounding equally absurd. <BR/><BR/>However, if that is what the author is trying for, the plot we're given is an uneasy mix. The word puzzles will appeal to puzzle freaks but that niche market seems to me to go more with a cosy-style mystery and a lighter tone. I'd take out the seven dead FBI guys; that's neither cosy nor funny.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, author, if you're <I>not</I> trying for absurdity, maybe rethink the concept.<BR/><BR/>EE - "gristly remains". Loved it. Still chuckling.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-15037374344605265702007-06-26T11:31:00.001-04:002007-06-26T11:31:00.001-04:00This right here:A harmless looking postcard arrive...This right here:<BR/><BR/><I>A harmless looking postcard arrives mixed with the rest of the junk mail. The postcard offers the lucky recipient a choice of prizes absolutely free. When the prize turns out to be the grisly remains of a dismembered corpse, </I><BR/><BR/>I found funny and intriguing. You had me hooked nicely, and since I'm a crossword puzzle solver myself, I liked the puzzle aspect.<BR/><BR/>This right here:<BR/><BR/><I>Harry also stumbles on a suspicious motorcycle gang and a string of missing Iraq war veterans whose disappearance is linked to a malignant government sponsored experiment in mind control.</I><BR/><BR/>is where you lost me, and I started feeling that there were too many disparate elements in this book for it to work. Perhaps all these things do work in the book, somehow, but they don't work in the query letter.AmyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636921840451091870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-17021410905134631642007-06-26T11:31:00.000-04:002007-06-26T11:31:00.000-04:00"I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know when you g...<I>"I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know when you get around to reviewing it."</I><BR/><BR/>Hmm. It's probably a message to EE, not part of the query. The implication being, I never read your blog, but if you let me know when you post my query, I'll show up that once. <BR/><BR/>Guess I'd better try to dig up the author's email address.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60490845563210057122007-06-26T11:12:00.000-04:002007-06-26T11:12:00.000-04:00Oh my. I thought the word count was low to begin w...Oh my. I thought the word count was low to begin with, but then you start enumerating all the subplots and, honestly, I get the feeling this is that first "closet" novel most writers have to get out of their system before they can get on with their "real" stories. You know, that novel that crams every idea the author ever had into one book so hurriedly written to get to the end to prove the author CAN finish a book that no element of the story is really actualized. (Been there. Usually there's nothing wrong with any of the elements themselves and sometimes whole sections of that first book can be worked into later, more thoughtful manuscripts.)<BR/><BR/>Clues you don't want to leave your targeted agent: <BR/><BR/>1. You've "just completed" your work. This implies you typed "The End" on a first draft and are ready to dash it off to them.<BR/><BR/>2. Page count and word count. You only need to reference word count.<BR/> <BR/>3. "I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know when you get around to reviewing it." What exactly are you asking for here? For the agent to send you a note saying, "Hi. I'm just reviewing your work now. I'll get back to you just as soon as I'm done."? Better remember to send TWO SASEs, if that's the case.<BR/><BR/>4. Bloat and repetition in the query. This is the agent's first impression of your writing. If <I>one page</I> of your writing has this much repetition, the agent may very well fear the 61K-word book may in reality be only a 35K novella once the writing is leaned down.<BR/><BR/>5. Don't most mysteries play out to the very last twist on the very last page? The way that sentence is placed in the query makes it sound like this is something special your book has going for it rather than the table stakes it better have for the genre.<BR/><BR/>The second postcard in the query confuses me. It sends 7 cops to their death in a booby-trapped house, but it is an innocent-looking postcard "packed with anagrams, palindromes and number puzzles"? Is that really the same postcard? Does a quick surface read of it say, "I'm the killer. Meet me in the house at 123 Fair Lane and let's talk about this" and the coded message read "For a killer party, come to 666 Death Road"?<BR/><BR/>Rather than tell the query reader multiple times about the numerous clever puzzles in the book, maybe weave a couple of the more clever ones into the query letter to really pique the agent's interest?<BR/><BR/>EE, you are in top form with this one! Truly splutterific!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53757308509037973962007-06-26T10:45:00.000-04:002007-06-26T10:45:00.000-04:00Well, in addition to all the other comments, I hav...Well, in addition to all the other comments, I have to say that this read to me like a DaVinci Code wannabe that uses palindromes instead of ancient secret organizations and the child of Christ.<BR/><BR/>Palindromes! Numbers! Wheee! Wait a sec, let's see...are those more or less interesting than the child of Christ? Nope, less interesting.<BR/><BR/>Whether or not your book works, I couldn't say for certain from reading this query letter. But honestly, it sounds like you don't know what makes a story. Bernita's right, this is a kitchen sink plot.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89546080284835686402007-06-26T10:35:00.000-04:002007-06-26T10:35:00.000-04:00[Okefenokee Orthodox.] This will keep me giggling ...<I> [Okefenokee Orthodox.] </I><BR/>This will keep me giggling all day. I've been to Okefenokee Orthodox, It's next to the boy scout camp and the gay men's nudist colony (wrinkly, wrinkly, wrinkly).Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-60789293586228852232007-06-26T10:07:00.000-04:002007-06-26T10:07:00.000-04:00Who is your good guy? Who is your bad guy and why...Who is your good guy? Who is your bad guy and why is he doing rotten stuff? Who lost the legs? What for? So what? This might be a great idea and a good story, but who can tell? Your plot description is a list of jumbled miscellany. <BR/><BR/>EE is right, I'm not generally inclined to buy a novel in order to read about some guy solving a crossword puzzle and this description fails to inspire such an inclination. It gives me that "oh no! not more DaVinci Code!" feeling. <BR/><BR/>Plus numerology not something I take seriously so when you talk about revealing the importance of numbers in our lives I'm a little worried. If you were talking about the importance of numbers in the lives of the characters/world of your story, fine, I could go with that, but if you want the work to pertain to the world at large, you need to be talking about something that people generally already accept and your would-be agent, in particular, already believes in, not something we scoff at. Yes, there are people who freak out about numbers like 13 and 666 etc, but most of us don't and a novel about postcards, anagrams, crossword puzzles, and lost legs won't convince us.<BR/><BR/>Your word count seems low in proportion to the amount of miscellany you're covering so I'm concerned the text is as sketchy and scattered as the query letter. You might do well to go back and add more details and scenes, concentrating on character development and the relationships between key characters, and see if you can bring the word count up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-58442128892936690172007-06-26T10:01:00.000-04:002007-06-26T10:01:00.000-04:00Grubsteak, gristly remains, and clucking chicken. ...Grubsteak, gristly remains, and clucking chicken. Back to our vegetarian discussion, anyone?<BR/><BR/>Author, I agree with EE--you need to connect the plot elements better. <BR/><BR/>And all this number stuff going on--I don't want to feel too stupid when I'm reading a book. An occasional vocabulary word is okay, however.(like 'prehensile' from Bernita's website, or 'ululant' from a Dean Koontz novel).<BR/><BR/>Cheers,Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-37441169331918247822007-06-26T09:20:00.000-04:002007-06-26T09:20:00.000-04:00Re-title it as "The Kitchen Sink."EE is right - wa...Re-title it as "The Kitchen Sink."<BR/>EE is right - way too much crammed in.<BR/>And when you throw in a "budding romance," I lose any sympathy for your protagonist.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com