tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1211009672893894950..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1086Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-62561878726589022152012-11-21T00:38:20.144-05:002012-11-21T00:38:20.144-05:00I actually perked up when you mentioned demon casi...I actually perked up when you mentioned demon casinos. I recently went to Vegas, and I think you're onto something here.<br /><br />The rest of the query left me with too many basic unanswered questions, like - what exactly is a wilding? As your main character is one, I'd like to know if it's a social class, a choice, a tradition, a blessing, a curse, or a species. Or something else. I know a query letter doesn't give you much room for this, but I think you may be able to eliminate the side-effects and actually tell us who she is.<br /><br />Without this info, the rest of the query doesn't make sense to me.<br /><br />Signed, Just another idiot in search of enlightenment.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00248836438709230919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-89219628828275512712012-11-20T22:12:59.799-05:002012-11-20T22:12:59.799-05:00Chicory, it says she's ageless.
I can't r... Chicory, it says she's ageless.<br /><br />I can't resolve how demons can run casinos, but be dragged out of the abyss against their will. Do demon wise guys get them? <br /><br />Maybe the wildlings should be feral demons, ones who've run away from the casinos of slavery. <br /><br />Killing a kid isn't always a deal breaker; if you're killing Damien before he gets too big, no one will yell. But there has to be a damn good reason. khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-88523252301474721912012-11-20T21:32:36.698-05:002012-11-20T21:32:36.698-05:00Mia is fifty? I was picturing her a teenager. Th...Mia is fifty? I was picturing her a teenager. The age thing almost at the end of the query really threw me. It's probably explained in the book, but are you sure you need to mention it in the query?Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52223183243137455852012-11-20T15:21:27.899-05:002012-11-20T15:21:27.899-05:00The first paragraph has little to do with the ones...The first paragraph has little to do with the ones that follow. If eternal youth and/or hallucinations etc actually play a part in resolving the plot, then show us how. Else, cut them. Each paragraph should follow from the one before.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-18871342248262852342012-11-20T15:00:10.837-05:002012-11-20T15:00:10.837-05:00I saw "demons operate casinos" as the ki...I saw "demons operate casinos" as the kind of kitchen-sinkery writers like to include to imply a full, wacky world, but mostly because it happened at the end where such kitchen-sinkery tends to go.<br /><br />Like the others said, this needs more plot at the front and more specificity throughout. Personally, I was interested in the hallucinations, but first try to pare this down to an extremely clear plotline, end on a dilemma with clear consequences both ways, and then garnish from there.<br /><br />Good luck!150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-84407909177264276862012-11-20T12:53:06.124-05:002012-11-20T12:53:06.124-05:00Mia’s elation at finding another one of her kind—a...<i>Mia’s elation at finding another one of her kind—and a gorgeous male one at that—quickly fades when she discovers that he is determined to sacrifice the boy she has sworn to protect. Will she choose the man she could come dangerously close to loving or the child who has captured her heart?</i><br /><br />See, now this is an example of a Waterworld Error.<br /><br />Insofar as anything can be said to further ruin a movie that opens with the hero drinking his own urine, Waterworld was ruined when the hero had to be talked out of killing the cute little kid. The sex appeal of would-be child-killers is negligible.<br /><br />I'm pretty sure this isn't just me.<br /><br />Oh well. No doubt it works in the manuscript. <br /><br />The only thing that caught my interest in this query was "demons operate casinos". Those three words seemed different, evocative, and yet straightforward. For the rest, you're giving us a lot of dramatic language but not enough substance. <br /><br />For example, "finds herself caught in a web of political intrigue and slavery" doesn't tell us anything about your story. It could describe a historical novel about the Underground Railroad, or about Cleopatra. Or an expose about an S&M club in Washington. <br /><br />It vague.<br /><br />I agree w/EE. Talk to us like we're idiots.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.com