tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post1180513615879801164..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 1342Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-9693688092716282752017-02-27T22:43:55.496-05:002017-02-27T22:43:55.496-05:00Mister Furkles- sounds great. Only the tavern &quo...Mister Furkles- sounds great. Only the tavern "wench" is a guy in drag.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-72433014106450725612017-02-27T22:42:05.617-05:002017-02-27T22:42:05.617-05:00I've read plenty of books that tell a characte...I've read plenty of books that tell a character's life story, or at least most of it. If you skip the parts where little happens, the book doesn't even have to be that long.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16322840078502721332017-02-26T14:26:26.683-05:002017-02-26T14:26:26.683-05:00It’s a bit boring and I recommend a minor plot twi...It’s a bit boring and I recommend a minor plot twist:<br /><br />The tavern wench is a vampire. She sneaks aboard Jay’s ship. Then, one-by-one and at night, she sucks the sailors dry—of blood guys, it’s not porn—and tosses them overboard until it’s just Jay and the vampire. They must sail the ship back themselves, she can’t be on deck during daylight, and fifteen-year-old Jay must hide from her at night. Because neither knows anything about sailing, they wreck on an uncharted island inhabited by dinosaurs. The wench—who, by the way, has no name—discovers she likes dinosaur blood more than she wants to suck Jay’s blood. They build a raft and sail back to Lisboa with a load of dinosaur eggs. Unfortunately, they are all carnivorous dinosaurs’ eggs, they hatch, and proceed eat everybody in sight. Only Jay and his vampire wench can stop them before they devour all of Europe. <br /><br />Okay, maybe it’s not so minor but might make a great C-grade movie for the SiFi channel. Mister Furkleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07156977719916770984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78193107997508035542017-02-26T12:02:45.469-05:002017-02-26T12:02:45.469-05:00I wouldn't open the query where you did. It ma...I wouldn't open the query where you did. It makes us expect a YA novel.AlaskaRavenclawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-52311197760699674042017-02-26T09:31:41.092-05:002017-02-26T09:31:41.092-05:00@AA - Thank you! I think I can do that... I will t...@AA - Thank you! I think I can do that... I will try and re-try until it better conveys my intent, Rome wasn't built in a day :-)<br /><br />@Khazar-khum - Yes, I agree that it would have been simpler to focus on one section of my sailor's life, but essentially I want to show how he grows, and I felt that I needed to tell his full 'life' for that. Now I did time-skip some 'calmer' periods, essentially the story can be split in two/three parts: 15-25 y & 32-43y + a short chapter at 50+ to provide some final closing to a number of events. <br />But yes, I guess I could call the thing an 'epic tale' in my closing sentence without blushing too much :)<br /><br />Thanks all!<br />Ingenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-81155701056643061522017-02-26T01:35:33.964-05:002017-02-26T01:35:33.964-05:00Whew! Inge, that's a lot of ground to cover in...Whew! Inge, that's a lot of ground to cover in a book. Maybe it would be better to concentrate on one section of Jay's life, like going to sea and learning his trade.khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-10196773794511151532017-02-25T23:14:52.153-05:002017-02-25T23:14:52.153-05:00Okay, looks like I was a couple of minutes late po...Okay, looks like I was a couple of minutes late posting that. You were already answering.<br /><br />Just make it clear this is a multi-year journey in which your MC grows in maturity and fortune until something happens to wreck his upward mobility. Explain what this tragedy/distraction/etc. is and how he determines to overcome this situation. You don't have to give away the resolution, but get the story to that point.<br /><br />Yes, it's hard. Try to rewrite and you can get more feedback here.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-16369546295275803702017-02-25T04:43:59.834-05:002017-02-25T04:43:59.834-05:00A fifteen year old planning to marry a hooker he t...A fifteen year old planning to marry a hooker he thinks he's in love with? He's an idiot.<br />If he's more like twenty by that time, it makes more sense.<br /><br />Okay, yeah, the uncle is Mom's brother? She never talked about him? That's odd.<br /><br />What is the point of Tristao in this query? He is mentioned, then dropped. Does he do anything in the story? <br />Why would he be in Venice so frequently? <br /><br /> "he finds himself wondering if he does not need anyone after all." I can't tell what this means. Either you're saying he wonders if he really does need somebody after all, or you're saying he learns he doesn't really need anyone. I think it's the way it's written. <br /><br />Anyway, we need to know what happens. What goes wrong? How does he overcome this obstacle? Does he need the help of his Uncle or someone else? Is what happened his fault? The second part of the story is missing.St0n3hengehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08504412781917592790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53423427128931618972017-02-25T04:41:40.173-05:002017-02-25T04:41:40.173-05:00Dear Evil editor & Commenters,
thanks for you...Dear Evil editor & Commenters,<br /><br />thanks for your feedback! you did make me realise what is wrong with my query...<br />Let me answer some of your questions:<br /><br />- This first part is spanning +- 6-7 years. The total novel tells Jay's tale from when he is 15 until he is +-55, so quite a bit happens after. <br /><br />- The grieving/angsty teanager part is less than 10%, the rest tells about his attempts of getting closer to people again. It does not stop with the tavern wench, when she ditches him, he does move on and continuous his search for love, at one point he even gets married to a women who looks like her, then runs away to war, which eventually results in his (and her) downfall and eventually catharsis for both of them, though the consequences will stay with them for all their lives.<br /><br />- Initially Jay is just a sailor, but through the years he becomes a merchant that owns several ships and is highly active on a few chosen trade lanes (i.e. Lisbon-Venice and Lisbon-Madeira)<br /><br />- The story does explore the life of 15th c sailors. Some other 'background events' are the move from Cog to caravel, Henry the Navigator's obsession with discovering new lands, The intrigues at Portuguese court, etc...<br /><br />- Jay's uncle is the his father's brother-in-law. His Aunt joined Queen Philippa as a lady-in-waiting when she moved to Portugal. (King Joao is married to an English lady - Philippa is the daughter of John of Gaunt, sister to King Henry IV)<br /><br />- The story is indeed more than just the angsty stuff. Jay's decision that he wants to stay with Laura is triggered by two major events: War in Ceuta (a 2-week crusade organised by the Portuguese king) and getting lost at sea when he is on an expedition for prince Henry the Navigator - just before he stumbles across the islands of Porto Santo and Madeira (which is the 'expedition going wrong' above)<br /><br />I realise now that I did not pay enough attention to adding details on the external story/drivers vs the internal journey of the character, however I find it extremely difficult to trim down a more or less epic adventure to a few lines :) Ingenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-56203354491701373492017-02-24T14:19:25.108-05:002017-02-24T14:19:25.108-05:00We have Jay, a cousin, an uncle and a whore. Jay i...We have Jay, a cousin, an uncle and a whore. Jay is 15 at the start. How long does it take for this to unfold? 6 months? 6 years? Does the book chronicle the way 16th C sailors work? Why are they in Venice so often he can have a relationship with a whore, who are not known for exclusivity in their affairs? Does she have a heart of gold? <br /><br />And these were just some things that came up while writing this.<br /><br />"Jay goes to sea to escape his troubles" is a nice set-up, but what does the story deliver?khazar-khumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11743589645154967262017-02-24T14:06:24.978-05:002017-02-24T14:06:24.978-05:00Proportionally, how much of this book is grieving,...Proportionally, how much of this book is grieving, angsty teenager, and how much is something going wrong at sea and said teenager finding answers? The query sounds like 90K of grief and maybe a short story of answers at the end. I hope that's inaccurate since it's not something I'd want to read. Does he sign up with Columbus at the end?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com