tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post117278126434620108..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 284Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172938495870955682007-03-03T11:14:00.000-05:002007-03-03T11:14:00.000-05:00Didn't we have this joke in an earlier facelift?I ...<I>Didn't we have this joke in an earlier facelift?</I><BR/><BR/>I think most of EE's jokes are his way of making a point. In this case, the point being that telling an agent you have a novel in the planning stages doesn't improve your standing much more than telling her you have an idea for another novel. What makes the Face-Lifts entertaining, among other things, is that when EE has to make the same point, he doesn't use the exact same words, but finds new amusing ways to do so.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172926692751927372007-03-03T07:58:00.000-05:002007-03-03T07:58:00.000-05:00Never mind Endangered Species--if a species has ex...Never mind Endangered Species--if a species has exactly one example surviving, it's already extinct. Unless that she-dragon just happens to be pregnant, and dragons, like Adam & Eve's offspring, aren't averse to a bit of incest.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172886727872554102007-03-02T20:52:00.000-05:002007-03-02T20:52:00.000-05:00And why is it always the last dragon? Obviously th...<I>And why is it always the last dragon? Obviously the fault of dragon slayers, but just once, can't we have the second last dragon?</I><BR/><BR/>Of course, you're referring to the father of Arthur: Uther Penultimatedragon.<BR/><BR/>But it's always the last because the story always takes place before the Endangered Species Act took effect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172886468878929162007-03-02T20:47:00.000-05:002007-03-02T20:47:00.000-05:00[The fourth book in the series is currently the gl...<I>[The fourth book in the series is currently the gleam of an idea I had last week while bowling. Book five will be based on a dream that I can no longer remember. And the final installment will be written by my as-yet-unborn child.]</I><BR/><BR/>Didn't we have this joke in an earlier <A HREF="http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/06/face-lift-64.html" REL="nofollow">facelift?</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172882290826348182007-03-02T19:38:00.000-05:002007-03-02T19:38:00.000-05:00I was worried it was going to be #5. Again.No doub...I was worried it was going to be #5. Again.<BR/><BR/>No doubt I've read too many of these query things, if no where as many as an agent/editor must read, but they too often sound the same. Not surprising because they seem to use the same words & phrases. Dare I say it, cliche-ridden.<BR/><BR/>begins asking too many questions <BR/>his eyes are finally opened<BR/>finds himself in a web of trouble<BR/>finally discover the truth<BR/>is on the verge of unleashing<BR/>the only way to save the world is to find<BR/><BR/>How can you expect a query to stand out from all the others when it sounds just like them?<BR/><BR/>(And why is it always the last dragon? Obviously the fault of dragon slayers, but just once, can't we have the second last dragon?)Xenithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550985137843901009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172877813018292472007-03-02T18:23:00.000-05:002007-03-02T18:23:00.000-05:00Wow. I feel decidedly under-educated after reading...Wow. I feel decidedly under-educated after reading some of these comments.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17083327647412477394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172876816875696032007-03-02T18:06:00.000-05:002007-03-02T18:06:00.000-05:00If the guy gets a crush on that dragon, look throu...If the guy gets a crush on that dragon, look through the 20 or so "facelifts" proceeding yours and you'll find discussion of the merits of that particular twist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172870009192536942007-03-02T16:13:00.000-05:002007-03-02T16:13:00.000-05:00First off, I warn the author that this is a commen...First off, I warn the author that this is a comment that will be of no help to him or herself in improving their query. I'm just amusing myself. Verbally.<BR/><BR/>With that out of the way, Anonymous 11:56 AM said,"This query's like an equation that includes a list of entities a b c but not the operational signs + - x that govern their relationships." I agree with this statement, but with the author's physics background, it also makes me want to do lots of different voices.<BR/><BR/>The main one is a sort of Jack Nicholson doing a stoner impression, saying, "It's like you're Newton and ya got your force and your mass, but ya GOT NO gravitational constant, man!"<BR/><BR/>Or perhaps the valley girl teen saying, "it's like totally like you know you got particles which are comPLETEly subatomic, but your strong force? so not here."<BR/><BR/>Huh. I thought I'd have more than that. But the well's run dry. That's why Robin Williams is a comedian and I'm a blog commenter.pacatruehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125048243775811714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172872475490575792007-03-02T16:54:00.000-05:002007-03-02T16:54:00.000-05:00I'm probably the only one bothered by a certain "b...I'm probably the only one bothered by a certain "but" in a certain sentence, but...<BR/><BR/><I>Kain never cared about another living soul in his life. <B>But</B> when the Enforcers hire him to track down the last remaining dragon in Adira, for the first time in his dragon-slaying career he finds himself at a dragon's mercy</I><BR/><BR/>I can't help picturing Kain falling head over heels in... care... for the dragon at first sight. <BR/><BR/><I>bargaining for his life. bargaining for his life. Forced into helping this dragon</I><BR/><BR/>Now he sounds like a masochist. <BR/><BR/>I'd like to hear more about the Emperor (if he's the main antagonist, that is) and his motivations. Unless he's ignorant or unhinged, why is he trying to unleash magic that will destroy a world he wants to rule?<BR/>Also, this may flow better if you mention fewer characters. For example, the enchanting woman only crops up in the query for Ryon, Kain & Co. to discover the truth. Why not just have: But when Ryon, Kain & Co. finally discover the truth etc etc? It'll sound less like a lady ex machina and more like they worked for it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172866115198051532007-03-02T15:08:00.000-05:002007-03-02T15:08:00.000-05:00I've also got a master's in physics (high temperat...I've also got a master's in physics (high temperature superconductivity; how 'bout you? :-) )and write fantasy. However, unless you're writing hard science fiction, I don't think there's much point in mentioning your degrees in your query letter. <BR/><BR/>What I've heard is, if you have no publication credits, and no directly relevant experience, the biography paragraph can be omitted. Scientific papers (alas) don't count as publication credits. <BR/><BR/>Alternately, you can make your bio paragraph extremely short, noting only a few interesting facts about yourself (in no detail) and saying that the book is a first novel. That leaves more room for describing the book itself. Hurrah!<BR/><BR/>Finally, I'll ditto what the anonymouse said regarding not mentioning sequels. Your agent has to sell the first book. Then, that book has to sell well enough for the publisher to be willing to put out the second. Mentioning sequels in a query is a serious case of putting the cart before the horse. The agent is only concerned with whether the first book is saleable or not. <BR/><BR/>You could mention that the book has potential as a series, or that it's a stand-alone first novel in an envisioned trilogy, but that's all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172865971223376992007-03-02T15:06:00.000-05:002007-03-02T15:06:00.000-05:00I loved GTP #3 - You can't say "Omnipuplotto Smirn...I loved GTP #3 - You can't say "Omnipuplotto Smirnichovich" out loud without grinning. At least I can't.<BR/><BR/>It seems to me that GTP #5 would be a great plot for a fantasy novel.<BR/><BR/>With my query-writing skills at the level they are (i.e., subterranean) - making any comments on your query would be like asking someone severely lacking in social skills to lead group discussions at a weekend therapy retreat.Robin S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03258459688300851984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172862043821134172007-03-02T14:00:00.000-05:002007-03-02T14:00:00.000-05:00The Adiran Enforcers used to be an organization of...<I>The Adiran Enforcers used to be an organization of justice and peace...</I><BR/><BR/>Read all the comments on the new beginnings. They will tell you not to start with backstory. Doubly so for queries.<BR/><BR/>EE summarized your hook in GTP#2. You should use GTP#2 as the seed for your query. Add in the character motivations, what brings the characters together, and the critical plot points, and you'll have a much more concise and focused letter.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172860567015248992007-03-02T13:36:00.000-05:002007-03-02T13:36:00.000-05:00Uh dragons, ooooh!Let’s see: a) Ryan (ooops, Ryon ...Uh dragons, ooooh!<BR/><BR/>Let’s see: <BR/>a) Ryan (ooops, Ryon to be different), a cop, policeman, goon, enforcer discovers how brutal he is. <BR/>b) Kain, a bum? A horny goof? A dragonslayer meets the manslayer dragon. Rather than just pan fry Kain or feast on Kain’s entrails, the dragon lets him live. These are, after all, civilized beasts. <BR/>c) A mystic woman (with no name but that’s OK she has big tits. - - - - Sue me for being a male chauvinist pig later.) does that hoodoo and voodoo that they do so well... <BR/><BR/>Well, they all find themselves, by coincidence, in the same Adira shopping mall (it could be a grass shack in Kokomo, the poor neighborhood of Adira). And coincidently form a quest to find the last remnant of creation to save the universe from a Wizard who just happens to in town and more than slightly megalomaniacal. And how do they find the las remnant of a god that disappeared? Since it’s Omn’s Tears, I’m guessing that someone “has” or “has to” shed tears in some magical way while confronting the evil, wicked wizard. Maybe, it’s a crystalline jewel in a mystic forest glen. <BR/><BR/>Ah! Grasshopper! It is the journey and not the destination. And, it’s the way the characters change and develop on the journey. How does Ryon pay for his unknown brutality? How does Kain repent for killing all the dragons? How does the mystic Babe improve with the quest. Most interesting, Does the dragon get the girl? Do Kain an Ryon fall in love (hey, it could be a counter-culture novel). Has this comment sunk to “inquiring minds want to know.” <BR/><BR/>There have to be reasons for these characters to interact. I’m sure you have them, I just can’t find them in your query.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172854598028268512007-03-02T11:56:00.000-05:002007-03-02T11:56:00.000-05:00From what I've seen on the blogs of Snark and othe...From what I've seen on the blogs of Snark and other agents, it might be a best to stay mum about the envisioned sequels and focus all the space and energy in your query on the one book. If they like it, they'll chat you up about what else is brewing. Likewise, discussion of the day job and nonfiction can wait.<BR/><BR/>The characters have interesting qualities but you need to provide more information about what they do and how they get involved with each other. This query's like an equation that includes a list of entities a b c but not the operational signs + - x that govern their relationships so we don't know how they get combined into a coherent unit. I'm guessing this is one of those plots in which "unexpected alliances" are somehow formed between the main characters, who clearly start off with nothing in common. We have no clue how they get from nothing-in-common to united-in-a-mission-to-save-the-world. <BR/><BR/>I'm assuming you plan to sustain this long long series by making sure they never quite save the world, so I'm hoping there is some intermediate goal of sufficient magnitude to give this first story a satisfactory beginning middle end structure, but I don't know what that goal is. Lots of miscellaneous characters running around swashbuckling and zapping each other with death rays can be amusing but that gets old fast if they're stock characters and there seems to be no particular point to the action. As the query is, I fear the book might be a lot of miscellaneous scenes strung together to make one long long long long beginning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1172851045170901592007-03-02T10:57:00.000-05:002007-03-02T10:57:00.000-05:00Dragons are easily distracted. Dangle an enchanti...Dragons are easily distracted. Dangle an enchanting woman in front of one, and you can, well, kill it while it's engrossed. Of course, the enchanting woman gets fried in the process, but that's life.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.com