tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post117021994317121179..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 268Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170337298512865972007-02-01T08:41:00.000-05:002007-02-01T08:41:00.000-05:00Thanks for the feedback and laughs. Perhaps for th...Thanks for the feedback and laughs. Perhaps for the query some combination of the EE's Guess the Plot #3 and your suggestions will work and be better.<BR/><BR/>My pen is already at work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170300581230064052007-01-31T22:29:00.000-05:002007-01-31T22:29:00.000-05:00Anon 9:49, gosh, I can only hope. Thanks for the k...Anon 9:49, gosh, I can only hope. Thanks for the kudos Gutterball.<BR/><BR/>Author, I hope you didn't find my comments too abrasive, there was actually a point in there. Please forgive me for having a little fun at your expense. The thing is, we all learn by participating in this blog. EE's comments are hilarious, but they are constructive at the same time. Sometimes the comments of the minions are funny and constructive, sometimes not. I submitted a query and a new beginning (under a different name, haha) and I took a beating but I put my pride on hold long enough to glean some very instructive information, and use it to become a better writer. I hope my smartass comments were taken in that light. Character names have to be considered. Some of the most memorable characters in literature have commonplace names, like Philip Marlowe, for instance. Could there be brothers named Pace and Bronk, and a FBI agent named Jazz? It's possible, but not likely. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. If someone were writing a novel on college football and named the quarterback of the Texas Longhorns Colt McCoy, I think most editors would probably say "Rethink it." Just my two cents worth. Keep the change.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170298196653585582007-01-31T21:49:00.000-05:002007-01-31T21:49:00.000-05:00I have this feeling that Pace Maker and Bronk Itis...I have this feeling that Pace Maker and Bronk Itis will be starring in many a GTP in the near future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170298115822290802007-01-31T21:48:00.000-05:002007-01-31T21:48:00.000-05:00Sorry BB, that was me. I'll restrain myself from ...Sorry BB, that was me. I'll restrain myself from making obnoxious comments in the future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170296844709949422007-01-31T21:27:00.000-05:002007-01-31T21:27:00.000-05:00anon, "stick and move" is a boxing term referring ...anon, "stick and move" is a boxing term referring to a boxer who stays or "sticks" in one place long enough to throw a punch then "moves" away fast enough to avoid a punch. Thus, stick and move throws his punches or "comments" and is long gone before the author ever knows what "hit him."Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170294753271324222007-01-31T20:52:00.000-05:002007-01-31T20:52:00.000-05:00Please tell what's the joke with "stick and move" ...Please tell what's the joke with "stick and move" for those of us who are culturally challenged.<BR/><BR/>(a sub-minion)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170292525979873372007-01-31T20:15:00.000-05:002007-01-31T20:15:00.000-05:00Okay, I'm going to stop posting so my photo doesn'...Okay, I'm going to stop posting so my photo doesn't show up anymore, or put up some cartoon picture instead. <BR/><BR/>Author, nothing more I can add that hasn't been said. Remember that you need the "voice" of your query to match the "voice" of the novel. It's very difficult to do, but worth the hard work to get it there. Your novel is action-packed, fast-paced - make your query the same way.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17083327647412477394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170289658435815552007-01-31T19:27:00.000-05:002007-01-31T19:27:00.000-05:00I wanted GTP#6. In fact, I just may hash a story o...I wanted GTP#6. In fact, I just may hash a story out on that!<BR/><BR/>The second multiple choice absolutely slayed me. I'm in pieces on the floor here. Luckily, my fingers still work.<BR/><BR/>Pace and Bronk. Ouch. Maybe Brock, but where'd the N come from? However, this could be a perfectly legitimate name somewhere, so feel free to ignore the "ouch".<BR/><BR/>Stick and Move? Dear God, I just hurt myself laughing at that. Kudos to you.<BR/><BR/>Author, don't fret. There's always a place in the spy genre for another "I'm not a spy but my twin was" novel, so long as it's done well. Lots of times, excellent authors come across as stilted or even grammatically challenged in their queries because they're trying to hard. You might well have a knuckle-biter here, but we wouldn't know it just yet.<BR/><BR/>But you just need a little reworking. Anyone can guess that the Aleksandrs (did I spell that right? I wasn't looking at the actual query) took the ungodly amount of plutonium (Dave's right; you should really cut that down, even if it's split up and black marketed off), but from the query, you'd never guess. It all needs to connect somehow with just a hint of the drama within.<BR/><BR/>Easier said than done, I know, but give it another try. Maybe start with, "Pace Maker, a low-level interpreter, just got a phone call that changed his life: his twin brother is missing and so is a metric crapload of plutonium. This wouldn't be a problem if his brother weren't the storied Bronk Itis, CIA agent extraordinaire". Go from there (and axe the snark; sorry, it just sneaks in).<BR/><BR/>That's your set-up. That's your starting point. Bring up only what you need. I guarantee it will sound much less stilted and you'll probably even get the sense of that knuckle-biter aura I KNOW you've written into the novel.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!GutterBallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17943760313844692975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170284397694205502007-01-31T17:59:00.000-05:002007-01-31T17:59:00.000-05:00Oh, EE, I love and will keep coming back forever. ...Oh, EE, I love and will keep coming back forever. Your comments this time were amusing, but I'm so glad you saved the best for last.<BR/>"Which of the following requires the greatest suspension of disbelief?<BR/>...<BR/>c. After giving birth to twins, a woman decides to name them Pace and Bronk." LOL.<BR/><BR/>Author, <BR/>Yours sounds typical for the spy-thriller genre. Not bad, just not different enough or exciting enough to be a stand-out. I'd probably read it anyway, because I like this kind of story, but please pay attention to EE's comments and the others given here.<BR/><BR/>Good luck.Saipan Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10030098267460841286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170280926766781242007-01-31T17:02:00.000-05:002007-01-31T17:02:00.000-05:00A sleeper cell of Chechen rebels or North Korean c...A sleeper cell of Chechen rebels or North Korean commies or modern Russian mafia types "weaving" itself into American corporations and hanging out for decades waiting to pull a plutonium stunt like this is even more unbelievable than the gang of aging Soviet communists. You need to match your bad guy mission/motivation with the tactics/strategy they use. <BR/><BR/>As far as I can tell there's so much real life spy vs spy stuff to read every day in the news, it's hard to compete with it in fiction. I think you must have something highly orginal and savvy or otherwise realistic and insightful or at least funny or else you're better off in some other genre.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170280377416865032007-01-31T16:52:00.000-05:002007-01-31T16:52:00.000-05:00I had another thought about old plots. Actually, I...I had another thought about old plots. Actually, I have a migraine today and I'm kinda woozy with migraine pain. The words that popped into my aching head were: <I>."Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, Galactica, leads a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest, for a shining planet known as Earth." </I><BR/><BR/>That was the early version - silly, funny, insignificant AND YET - it was RECYCLED into an excellent dramatic series two years ago. <BR/><BR/>A cold war movel ... why not?<BR/><BR/>bnxlfcpDave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170278930032863752007-01-31T16:28:00.000-05:002007-01-31T16:28:00.000-05:00Author, Jazz? The pulchritoid is named Jazz? Wow. ...Author, Jazz? The pulchritoid is named Jazz? Wow. Did you pull these names from watching afternoon soap operas? The names we choose for our characters are very important, and if you want to be taken seriously, the names of your characters need to be somewhat believable. We all want our characters to be unique (well, most of the time) and memorable, but giving every one of them unlikely names isn't the way to do it. It sounds like you've written a thriller with some interesting plot elements, but don't shoot your characters in the feet by giving them unusual names that no one takes them seriously.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170274952845752812007-01-31T15:22:00.000-05:002007-01-31T15:22:00.000-05:00I don't worry about the fallen Soviet Union becaus...I don't worry about the fallen Soviet Union because an author can use Chechnya and the Chechen rebels as the villians. Although, the TV show 24 beat you to the nuclear explosion. You can even write a secret Nazi gang as villians and make them scary and believable. Teh North Koreans are available, too. <BR/><BR/>It's not the bomb that worries authorities. It's spreading plutonium dioxide around the environment that really is scary. Plutonium is a bone-seeking metal and it is unstable. It is always decaying. Once you touch it, it tried to reach your bones and there it stays destroying your bone marrow. <BR/><BR/>And a real news item does give this some cedibility no matter how old the woven spy network is warped or how old thier woof, the rotten jackals...<BR/><BR/>Someone just used Polonium 210 (not even plutonium 239, yet) to poison the Russian Litvinenko. Look up the news stories and see just how much radioactivity they spread around trying to kill him.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170269293631969782007-01-31T13:48:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:48:00.000-05:00"Author, give your thesaurus a rest."Yeah, save it..."Author, give your thesaurus a rest."<BR/><BR/>Yeah, save it for when Brenda Bradshaw posts more pictures.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170269196012767752007-01-31T13:46:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:46:00.000-05:00"Please represent my book. After all, I wrote a l..."Please represent my book. After all, I wrote a letter to the editor last week. And that letter, because I instilled it with a keen sense of direction, easily <B>found</B> the print media. Also, my articles have shown the ability to <B> grace </B> pages. That takes a lot of writing ability. Finally, I'm good at constructing titles."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170267850159562192007-01-31T13:24:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:24:00.000-05:00Russian commies are no longer scary. You'd have t...Russian commies are no longer scary. You'd have to make this a comedy in order for it to work. The potential for hilarity is certainly built in, but the query sounds awful serious. You might be able to think of a modern motivation for your bad guys, or try setting it in the Nixon era.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170267762971739132007-01-31T13:22:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:22:00.000-05:00How to make beauty sound unappealing? -- call it p...How to make beauty sound unappealing? -- call it pulchritude. Is there an uglier Latin-based word, besides "puerperal"?<BR/><BR/>Author, give your thesaurus a rest.shaded-lilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14006767625596152527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170266818553357262007-01-31T13:06:00.000-05:002007-01-31T13:06:00.000-05:00Keep the comments coming. I'll look carefully at w...Keep the comments coming. <BR/><BR/>I'll look carefully at what anonymous 9:59 said. <BR/><BR/>Dave, you are right about the amount, and though you only need 10-20 kg for what the Aleksandrs intend to do, the rest has been divided and placed on the black market. I just left it out of the query.<BR/><BR/>stick and move, I never considered this. Would you find it funny to know the FBI dames name is Jazz?<BR/><BR/>Dave2, thanks for the kind words and advice.<BR/><BR/>Guess I have some work to do!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170265993831652732007-01-31T12:53:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:53:00.000-05:00I agree with dave conifer. "I am an active busines...I agree with dave conifer. "I am an active businessman whose articles have graced trade publications" cured me of any desire to read this.<BR/><BR/>Of course, now that your query has graced EE's blog, you may want to add that to your résumé.Blogless Trollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983848259551488867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170264640719626872007-01-31T12:30:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:30:00.000-05:00A classic critique. The multiple choice model wor...A classic critique. The multiple choice model worked really well!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170264488954279402007-01-31T12:28:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:28:00.000-05:00Author, anon 9:59 called your style "stilted". S/h...Author, anon 9:59 called your style "stilted". S/he was being generous. This query, as is, is going nowhere. Of course, EE and minion comments are all going to help you whip it into decent shape, right? And your actual mss is written in such magnetic, pulse-pounding style that readers won't care or even notice its lapses in credibility, right? <BR/><BR/>But, before you send your revised query off, PLEASE just nix the whole credentials paragraph. If your published articles and editorials sound anything like this query, then either they're being published for the "snicker factor" (sorry to be so blunt) or they're being heavily edited by an over-worked, under-paid corporate editor who has turned your work into readable prose that even you wouldn't recognize as being your own. A NY editor or agent won't be fooled...<BR/><BR/>BTW, LOVED the GTPs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170263088695000222007-01-31T12:04:00.000-05:002007-01-31T12:04:00.000-05:00Also, due to a spelling mishap on Candy's birth ce...Also, due to a spelling mishap on Candy's birth certificate, her curse isn't what mom intended, and she can now be seen performing at the Cheetah in Atlanta...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170261337392637662007-01-31T11:35:00.000-05:002007-01-31T11:35:00.000-05:00Pace maker and Bronk Itis are uttering nonsense.Pace maker and Bronk Itis are uttering nonsense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170261285999438452007-01-31T11:34:00.000-05:002007-01-31T11:34:00.000-05:00I saw this exact plot on two different cartoon ser...I saw this exact plot on two different cartoon series': "Dexter's Lab" and also "Ed, Edd and Eddy".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1170261199460405752007-01-31T11:33:00.000-05:002007-01-31T11:33:00.000-05:00Author, read the first comment from anon 9:59. Ve...Author, read the first comment from anon 9:59. Very important for you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com