tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post116671611177582320..comments2024-03-18T13:32:44.865-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: Face-Lift 249Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1167114332782212182006-12-26T01:25:00.000-05:002006-12-26T01:25:00.000-05:00I liked fake plot # 1--sounds like a fun YA read (...I liked fake plot # 1--sounds like a fun YA read (or an episode of Zoe 101).<BR/><BR/>As for this, I got tired of reading it.<BR/><BR/>The set-up question isn't interesting. The largest company holds the secret to its most powerful cure? The largest company holds the secret to the world's most powerful cure?<BR/><BR/>What are you really trying to say here? A powerful new cure is in the hands of a large company only interested in profits-right?<BR/><BR/>Brian the intern discovers a mistake in the paperwork. He digs deeper. Why? Why doesn't he call the mistake to his supervisor's attention? That's what interns do, isn't it.<BR/><BR/><BR/>The question has been asked-how does Kamat's going public screw up the plan by Knife to launch the vaccine? Does it just mean that Kama will get credit instead of Knife? That has no effect on Brian.<BR/><BR/>I'm guessing that both lowly intern Brian and Kamat have discovered that the great vaccine isn't going to work the way Knife thinks. And the illegal payments have something to do with how the company got great results.<BR/><BR/>But if that's it, none of this story makes sense. Because I think there would have to be some (semi) independent study of the vaccine before FDA approval. (This is in America, right?) <BR/><BR/>Tell me I'm wrong about the story.<BR/><BR/>The story sounds like David and Goliath--but we need to be clear who Goliath is. Is it Knife? Kamat? The top API officials?<BR/><BR/>Somehow, I'm not buying this yet. I don't feel any confidence based on this query that this is a good story worth the read.<BR/><BR/>Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166923098410726692006-12-23T20:18:00.000-05:002006-12-23T20:18:00.000-05:00Sorry, chumplet, never tried those... See, the th...Sorry, chumplet, never tried those... <BR/><BR/>See, the thing with this poor nut is, well, that I'm not a drinker. Just a nut.<BR/><BR/>Still, if you drop into my loony bin, feel free to bring amaretto. Ogre loves it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166856093781474242006-12-23T01:41:00.000-05:002006-12-23T01:41:00.000-05:00Good luck with this. I'd read it. But drop the par...Good luck with this. I'd read it. But drop the part about the literature degree and the experience with working for big companies. That really doesn't matter if the writing isn't there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166839011832027602006-12-22T20:56:00.000-05:002006-12-22T20:56:00.000-05:00Nut likes Frangelico or Amaretto. They're made fro...Nut likes Frangelico or Amaretto. They're made from nuts.<BR/><BR/>Eww, then Nut would be a cannibal!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166838700939687722006-12-22T20:51:00.000-05:002006-12-22T20:51:00.000-05:00#3 sounds like my dad. He was hired to fix some fi...#3 sounds like my dad. He was hired to fix some financial mess for a construction company in North Africa in 1973. It should have been a six month job, but he was stuck there for seven years!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166809492487989402006-12-22T12:44:00.000-05:002006-12-22T12:44:00.000-05:00Burp.Actually it was Butterscotch.Burp.<BR/><BR/>Actually it was Butterscotch.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166807403555095652006-12-22T12:10:00.000-05:002006-12-22T12:10:00.000-05:00Nut, have you been drinking, I mean eating you ban...Nut, have you been drinking, I mean eating you banana pudding again?<BR/><BR/>Just wondering.<BR/><BR/>That aside, I like conspiracy books 2. I mean, I'm being wrongfully prosecuted for a crime I didn't commit, just cause I'm... errr... special. <BR/><BR/>An' if that's not a conspiracy, I dunno what is!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166804378816501322006-12-22T11:19:00.000-05:002006-12-22T11:19:00.000-05:00A conspircy theory action book? One word: FUN! Ya...A conspircy theory action book? One word: FUN! <BR/><BR/>Yahoo! <BR/><BR/>Yippeee!<BR/><BR/>But of course, you MUST, MUST, MUST listen to EE's suggestions. Or you get some spankies and stuff. <BR/><BR/>Must spam more, cause the ogre might be home for holidays, flossing with my internet wires again...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166738588298691502006-12-21T17:03:00.000-05:002006-12-21T17:03:00.000-05:00I really liked the "gigantic parasititic brain-suc...I really liked the "gigantic parasititic brain-sucking amoebas"<BR/><BR/>As for the story, I think the query has to focus on one person and not a plethora of people. <BR/><BR/>BTW - Exxon is absolutely the most secretive company.<BR/><BR/>And another thing- API as the company name: API stands for American Petroleum Institute for anyone working in petroleum, oil, gasoline or energy business. You might consider changing the names.Dave Fragmentshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17985158361431606939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166734815340913192006-12-21T16:00:00.000-05:002006-12-21T16:00:00.000-05:00Thanks to everyone who has responded here about my...Thanks to everyone who has responded here about my query for The Ituri Project. I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions (even the sarcasm - when it's well deserved). I'll take all of this into consideration for my revised letter. Hope you all have a very happy holiday and a great 2007!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166729020987520942006-12-21T14:23:00.000-05:002006-12-21T14:23:00.000-05:00I always think it's best to avoid rhetorical quest...I always think it's best to avoid rhetorical questions, at least when starting a query out. You see what EE did, and this is pretty much what a lot of people do in their heads when they read rhetorical questions. It sets you up for an argumentative reader - and slush pile readers (like me [cue evil laugh]) get pretty snarky when they read this kind of thing in the opening line.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166726753525729932006-12-21T13:45:00.000-05:002006-12-21T13:45:00.000-05:00I think this is a great story line. If the writin...I think this is a great story line. If the writing is good it will be worth reading. -JTC<BR/><BR/>Word verification: wfkarmx<BR/><BR/>karmx, it keeps your lips moist and soft.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166726686046972232006-12-21T13:44:00.000-05:002006-12-21T13:44:00.000-05:00There are tons and tons of people with non-science...There are tons and tons of people with non-science backgrounds in companies like API. I haven't read this story, of course, but I'm guessing that the rosy-cheeked intern is one of those. <BR/><BR/>Most of the hair-sprayed, glib talkers from the big pharmaceutical companies have never even seen a test tube. This premise could work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166726229443920442006-12-21T13:37:00.000-05:002006-12-21T13:37:00.000-05:00Internships in "big companies" and a bachelor's de...Internships in "big companies" and a bachelor's degree in English seem like obtuse preparation for writing about cutting edge science. When I read that I'm even more concerned that the sketchy approach to the science in the letter will prevail in the manuscript. I don't think this kind of plot can work if you don't get the science or economics right. You need to include enough specifics to make it clear that you're talking about a vaccine for a real disease and tell what problem is motivating all these murders etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166719838293319392006-12-21T11:50:00.000-05:002006-12-21T11:50:00.000-05:00Judging from Miss Snark's responses to the hooks, ...Judging from Miss Snark's responses to the hooks, I think you're trying to cover too much of the plot here. As a consequence, you're not focusing as much on the most interesting elements, and are raising questions that you don't have space to answer.Reihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17005292189176596201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166718489085785992006-12-21T11:28:00.000-05:002006-12-21T11:28:00.000-05:00I agree the query needs tightening, but I'd read t...I agree the query needs tightening, but I'd read this.Zany Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16200837475394889326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1166716797932849832006-12-21T10:59:00.000-05:002006-12-21T10:59:00.000-05:00I really like your story, author. The rosy-cheeke...I really like your story, author. The rosy-cheeked intern stumbling across the "error" is intriguing to me. If I were you I'd stay with that a little more in the query. <BR/><BR/>Instead, you keep "walking up the ladder": now this guy is retiring, NOw they have a great vaccine, etc. Does the great vaccine derive somehow from the mistake that rosy found? Does that mean it's less great than people think?<BR/><BR/>I guess I feel like I don't know what the climax is here. I thought that finding the error was the major plot point but it's mentioned once and disappears. In my opinion it was the most exciting part of the story.<BR/><BR/>Also, EE is right. How does an employee "going public" negate the successful result of hundreds of millions of research dollars which found a great drug? In this industry, everybody knows way ahead of any announcements when a company has a blockbuster in the pipeline. What does "going public" mean anyway? If he granted an interview and said "I'm a minion at this company that has a great vaccine coming out," the reporter would say "Yeah, that was already leaked twenty times before."<BR/><BR/>I think this is a really good one.<BR/><BR/>...dave coniferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com