tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post116230786358247759..comments2024-03-26T18:28:06.391-04:00Comments on Evil Editor: New Beginning 152Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162487469490634022006-11-02T12:11:00.000-05:002006-11-02T12:11:00.000-05:00It was one of those hot summer days where the sun ...<I>It was one of those hot summer days where the sun bakes you in its little oven and then spits you out like a burned loaf of bread.</I><BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51376" REL="nofollow">My Use of Simile Sucks As Bad As The River Tide</A><BR/><BR/>I don't know where you live, but around here, little ovens don't spit out burned bread. ;) Toasters do. Did you mean a toaster?Reihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17005292189176596201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162419440313931842006-11-01T17:17:00.000-05:002006-11-01T17:17:00.000-05:00Sorry, EE. I really did believe that you changed t...Sorry, EE. I really did believe that you changed the ending of my beginning. Maybe cutting off the part that you did just made it sound real different to me. Or maybe I changed it before I sent it to you. Hey, who knows? Not me.<BR/><BR/>Hawk: It's not EE's fault.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162405868254734142006-11-01T13:31:00.000-05:002006-11-01T13:31:00.000-05:00What?! I didn't write any of this. I did cut it of...What?! I didn't write any of this. I did cut it off at 147 words, because the submission was 220.Evil Editorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162400110586090142006-11-01T11:55:00.000-05:002006-11-01T11:55:00.000-05:00now,Hawk:EE wrote that part. He changed my beginni...now,Hawk:<BR/><BR/>EE wrote that part. He changed my beginning to set it up more for a crazy ending.<BR/><BR/>JudyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162388002920170552006-11-01T08:33:00.000-05:002006-11-01T08:33:00.000-05:00This opening has a clear and distinct voice. I wa...This opening has a clear and distinct voice. I was definitely curious why the woman would say something like that. And I definitely felt that sticky heat. <BR/><BR/>I would suggest that you drop "little" from "little oven," as the sun wouldn't have an Easy Bake, it would have a humongous pizza oven or something, lol.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162348474715300142006-10-31T21:34:00.000-05:002006-10-31T21:34:00.000-05:00Hey Judy! I knew that had to be you. Cool. You hav...Hey Judy! I knew that had to be you. Cool. You have a style. :)<BR/><BR/>Overall I liked it, except "You talk about him like he’s nothing, Mama. Don’t you love Poppy?" That's too "I'm aware of what's going on in my head and I'm telling you, the reader, so you'll know exactly where I'm coming from, too, so we're all on the same page." I don't think people talk like that, especially a child. Plus that wouldn't be my first question if someone told me someone was dying. I'd be like "um, what makes you think that?"<BR/><BR/>I'd totally read more. :)HawkOwlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08506953701159624542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162347428321220802006-10-31T21:17:00.000-05:002006-10-31T21:17:00.000-05:00I felt the heat, but I got caught up on the expres...I felt the heat, but I got caught up on the expression 'her head perched back on her neck' - I really couldn't picture that happening without hinges.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162331857817042292006-10-31T16:57:00.000-05:002006-10-31T16:57:00.000-05:00I think this is very good so far and would read mo...I think this is very good so far and would read more. I agree with virginia miss about the voice. -JTCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162330875223840192006-10-31T16:41:00.000-05:002006-10-31T16:41:00.000-05:00I loved this author's voice, she made me feel the ...I loved this author's voice, she made me feel the heat of the day and the protag's bewilderment at her mama's pronouncement.<BR/><BR/>And what a perfect continuation!Virginia Misshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07806607750887517701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162328265207138882006-10-31T15:57:00.000-05:002006-10-31T15:57:00.000-05:00This is good writing. It brings us right into the...This is good writing. It brings us right into the story. Nice realism and immediacy. <BR/><BR/>Only a couple of awkward sentences:<BR/>"her head perched back on her neck"<BR/>Maybe it's just me, but I found this phrase annoying. I think it's the use of "perched" in this context. Makes me picture the head bouncing around, looking for a chair to perch on.<BR/><BR/>"Mama got up and walked over to the steps and ignored what I said."<BR/>This sentence is much worse than the rest of the opening. I'd get rid of it.ScienceSleuthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05622630035925170394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162322204326864582006-10-31T14:16:00.000-05:002006-10-31T14:16:00.000-05:00I really want to hear this read aloud by Scarlet O...I really want to hear this read aloud by Scarlet O'Hara. <I>As God as my witness, I'll never be a character in a depressing Southern lit story again!</I>Sassy Sundryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04614149534818526010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-1162315421793805402006-10-31T12:23:00.000-05:002006-10-31T12:23:00.000-05:00Pacatrue, that is hysterical. I don't think it cou...Pacatrue, that is hysterical. I don't think it could have been done better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com